GirlAfraid23
04-09-16, 21:11
I feel sick tonight.
I'm starting a new job tomorrow and I feel awful. I haven't worked since March and I had to leave that job due to bullying and a nasty atmosphere.
I'm terrified that it will happen again.
I keep thinking this is a good way to start a fresh but I don't know how I'm going to do it.
My confidence is at rock bottom and I feel like I'm suffering some sort of depression at the moment. It's crept up on me the last few months...I keep having flashbacks of my past. Remembering with massive nostalgia my life before...it catches me unaware and I start crying. I can't even control it. I feel sad, unhappy, it's a mess. I want to turn back the clocks, so desperately. I remember I felt happy before, things were less complicated and I had a more carefree attitude. I keep looking through old photos on Facebook and reading my old diaries.
I've moved away from my family and close friends to be with my partner, I miss them all terribly, especially my mum and dad.
I've recently got engaged to him and although I love him, my heart just isn't in it, I feel guilty because I should be happier but what with everything going on I just haven't got the strength.
I'm so worried I'm going to mess everything up in this new job because I'm so awful at everything...I feel like there's so much pressure on me to do well, my family and friends don't understand, they just think I need to pull myself out of it. It's so draining.
I'm still anxious about my health, my breathing is still weird, I'm getting heart flutters, my ribs hurt and every little thing worries me, even what to take for lunch to this new job everyday. It sounds crazy, but little things that normal people can deal with get me in such a state! At least when I'm at home, I can have what I want, when I want and don't have to plan ahead, it seems to take up a lot of energy in me.
I'm starting a new job tomorrow and I feel awful. I haven't worked since March and I had to leave that job due to bullying and a nasty atmosphere.
I'm terrified that it will happen again.
I keep thinking this is a good way to start a fresh but I don't know how I'm going to do it.
My confidence is at rock bottom and I feel like I'm suffering some sort of depression at the moment. It's crept up on me the last few months...I keep having flashbacks of my past. Remembering with massive nostalgia my life before...it catches me unaware and I start crying. I can't even control it. I feel sad, unhappy, it's a mess. I want to turn back the clocks, so desperately. I remember I felt happy before, things were less complicated and I had a more carefree attitude. I keep looking through old photos on Facebook and reading my old diaries.
I've moved away from my family and close friends to be with my partner, I miss them all terribly, especially my mum and dad.
I've recently got engaged to him and although I love him, my heart just isn't in it, I feel guilty because I should be happier but what with everything going on I just haven't got the strength.
I'm so worried I'm going to mess everything up in this new job because I'm so awful at everything...I feel like there's so much pressure on me to do well, my family and friends don't understand, they just think I need to pull myself out of it. It's so draining.
I'm still anxious about my health, my breathing is still weird, I'm getting heart flutters, my ribs hurt and every little thing worries me, even what to take for lunch to this new job everyday. It sounds crazy, but little things that normal people can deal with get me in such a state! At least when I'm at home, I can have what I want, when I want and don't have to plan ahead, it seems to take up a lot of energy in me.