partner dosnt understand

[lotusblossom]

Does any body on here have a partner that that doesn't seem to grasp what we go through, I know he tries to understand as best he can but there is confusion on his face, and he comes out with statements like but what have you got to worry about everythings fine. Its completely over his head Ime not having a go at him and unless you have suffered yourself you wont know that's why this site is a blessing to all anxiety/depression sufferers.

[KeeKee]

There isn't anybody close to me in my life who understands me. Makes it all the more harder to be honest.

I don't even think my therapist understands as I say one thing and they come out with another. It's exhausting.

I guess it's nice your partner tries to understand you, which means eventually he might just get the impact it has on you.

[skymaid]

My fine is lovely but she doesn't get it at all.

At least she looks after me though.

I don't think anyone can understand it unless the have it themselves. It doesn't make too much logical sense after all

[Fishmanpa]

I was the partner. My ex suffered from severe depression that manifested itself into hoarding. Counselling helped but it still came down to her making the effort to get well. That's the key.... otherwise it's a losing battle.

Positive toughts

[dale12345]

Does any body on here have a partner that that doesn't seem to grasp what we go through, I know he tries to understand as best he can but there is confusion on his face, and he comes out with statements like but what have you got to worry about everythings fine. Its completely over his head Ime not having a go at him and unless you have suffered yourself you wont know that's why this site is a blessing to all anxiety/depression sufferers.
If someone hasnt been threw it, the pain of mental illness I dont think they can fully get it.

[pulisa]

I don't think you can really expect someone to understand if they have never experienced this though?

[Fishmanpa]

I don't think you can really expect someone to understand if they have never experienced this though?

This is true. I went to counseling to try to understand. I read books etc. but I didn't live it from the sufferer's perspective. I've written about this before. For me, if my ex had shown the effort... at least "tried"... agreed to take meds, gone to counseling, perhaps things would have been different. I watched as depression took someone away from me and was helpless. I left before it dragged me under too.

Just saying... it can be and often is as equally hard on the partner... especially if the sufferer is not helping themselves.

Positive thoughts

[pulisa]

Absolutely. It's not all about the anxiety sufferer-it affects everyone in the same household and beyond.

[KeeKee]

I agree it can affect the whole household (or even family if you are a close family), however I think loved ones being there for you is a massive plus. I don't understand OCD, anorexia etc but I would never put somebody down due to it.

Obviously not all but some people do berate those with mental health issues. We are seen as lazy, petty, childish, miserable etc I've been told in the past I'm not trying to get better and that couldn't be further from the truth.

I don't think understanding is the problem, it's the not trying to understand (Fishmanpa you seemed to make a great effort in trying to help your ex), the put downs and the lack of empathy. Some people have used my mental health against me in arguments saying I see things wrongly due to my depression.

I agree that unless you've experienced it it is hard to understand.

[TomO]

I agree that it must be really hard for those around us to truly understand what it means and even though they mean well it can be hard for them to know what the right response is.

My wife is helpful but it's literally taken years for her to understand what the anxiety does to me and how to help (even then it's very hard for her to help perfectly...I massively appreciate the effort though). It is more a set of things we've agreed together when the anxiety IS under control about what to do when it IS NOT. Much like Skymaid, my wife helps, which is a godsend but I don't know that she truly understands it. In the early days there was a lot of what you're experiencing lotusblossom, but it does gradually improve. I posted this: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=143747 a while back and it really helped us, maybe something to think about.