Inprisoned

[elik]

How do I move on if there's constantly something pulling me back?! For example, I am severely insecure and anxiety has caused me intense fear at moving forward as don't want it to become unmanageable again although I really want to take charge again. I am the most conscientious person with the biggest guilty conscience ever, meaning I scrutinise everything I do. I'm currently feeling bad because I am scared that I'm being false to everyone I know because I am deeply ashamed and unhappy with how my life and myself are but I am too insecure and proud to be honest with people about whats going on and feel I'm such a waste. So as much as I love people and love socialising I don't want too because I'm scared people will want to get close and know more about me or live up to their expectations or I worry that I put on such a good front in front of everyone that I put all my emphasis on the good that I'm actually a bit of a fraud, which only accentuates my anxiety. I can't win, every move I make has horrific anxiety waiting for me.

[lotusblossom]

I feel exactly the same as those who knew me before this ogre entered my life expect to see and be around this funny bubbly person with a wicked sense of humour But I am not that person any more she has gone, I always have to put on a front and its exhausting but I don't want them to treat me any differently so I hide it, on the outsideI look the same on the inside I am not.

[elik]

Completely understand that! It's like I can't win any way I look at it. I feel so eaten up by it that the discomfort in living within myself daily is painful like I have to monitor my actions etc because anxiety is a constant challenge

[georgewing]

Well you wory to much for nonuseful things .Start by having a clear mind and choose how you want to live .In life we cannot please all people ,this its a known law of life .If you will try to do that you will get very fustrated trust me

[elik]

I understand that this is an impossible task to achieve but i just cant stop. Todays worry; I'm feeling lonely, useless and embarrassed by myself which then triggers the response that people will notice this and think it too which then triggers me wanting to put on a front so to avoid all this