I'm back after 10 years wow

[50cent84]

Hi guys, was on this website years ago it's fantastic, just wanted to share with you my recent storey. Any view on the situation would be really appreciated...

I been with my girlfriend 5 years, she always known about my agoraphobia, anxiety and panic attacks. She's really supportive always has been, I supported her through uni for 3 years I paid for everything for her, she is now a mental health nurse and has an NHS job. We got engaged at Christmas and bought our first house what iv worked 7 days a week on and nights (I'm a joiner)

So at this job she got matey with a guy and I found messages on her phone in January this year, harmless but she saved him name as a girs name. I let it go, then in March this year I found emails of them asking if they would cheat on each other's partners. He said he would, she said she wouldn't, then last week I found more messages a few days after and it looked like a planned get to get get for sex. He said "I can't wait I need this I will do anything you ask" she replied "well you should give it" then it looks like he let her down somehow and she replied "are you f##king joking me :("

I asked her she denied it, so I then got in contact with the guy, he was really nice and said he was sorry, he admitted they was going to meet up. As you will know I'm in bits, I love this girl so much, if I was a strong person I think I would end it, she told me she wasn't happy because we don't go anywhere (agoraphobia) which I totally understand she says she's suffering too. But she should end it then sleep with this guy right? I would love any comment because I'm not sleeping and it's making my anxiety worse.

So sorry for the long essay , love to you all xxx

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya 50cent84 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Carrie8484]

Hey

So sorry to hear you're going through this.
First of all, what she's done is unquestionably wrong, and it will of course shatter you because there has been cheating and mistrust at play. However, I can also see it from her point of view in that maybe she feels stuck in a rut with the present situation, especially as you are agoraphobic. This does not mean cheating is correct, absolutely not, and This is no criticism of you, this is just the situation you are both in.
You say she is a mental health nurse - does she not have a greater understanding of your issues than the average person? That makes me curious.
I think you guys need to both be completely open and honest with each other about how you both feel. Are you getting help for your mental health issues? i think this would be a crucial step towards showing her you are serious about getting better and getting your relationship healthy again. Also, is she willing to be supportive of you while you are going through treatment? the 'grass is greener' syndrome she is currently enjoying may only be a short term thing, this guy might drop her as soon as the excitement dies down or vice versa.

If if seems you are both no longer able to work through your problems together, as a couple, it may be time to call it a day. It takes 2 people to work through issues together, and if she is no longer engaged in this then maybe it's time to let her go.

Good luck x

[KeeKee]

I think cheating (or plans to do so) is the ultimate betrayal. I adore my partner. He is my life. I would kill and die for him. Should he cheat on me, he will be out of my life in a nano second.

I can't stand any excuse for cheating, even when people say they did it due to a sexless relationship. There is one solution to that, LEAVE.

I really feel so bad for you. You are already vulnerable and then you have this to deal with. The fact she is denying it when you have solid proof makes it even harder. Coming clean would make it easier to forgive in my opinion as the cheating hasn't actually occurred. I know from personal experience that mental health issues can affect the other partner too, however they have the option to leave. She could have talked to you, told you how she was feeling. O don't really have any advice as I've thankfully never been in that situation but I guess if she can be honest with you and discuss how she is feeling then a solution may be possible.