I suck

[belle]

..So, i had a row with my husband last night, and yes, maybe it was my fault, but i was p*ssed off that i had been to work (before leaving i cleaned the house) and when i got home at 5.30 he hadn't even contemplated dinner, but when he's at work, i DO the dinner, i DO the housework, i DO everything that needs to be done, because its fair. He works i look after the house and cook, i work.....I look after the house and cook. But no, i am wrong.

This row esculated into WW111. He took great pleasure in telling me i am a failure and i have no interest in getting better (despite me sobbing my heart out last week saying that i am finding recovery SO hard after 9 years). He also likes to rub in that my father doesn't give a sh*t and never has, my mother although takes me out, she never has a good word to say about me, constantly criticising me, my sister hates me (thats true, she resents my being born), i have no friends (also true), i never make an effort in doing things (he wants me to do "day trips"...i am fluffing agoraphobic). I am a s*it mother for not wanting to get better for my sons sake. This i thought was SO below the belt. Of course getting better for my son should be a massive insentive, but sadly, i don't think its as easy as that. He moaned that i never collect him from the train station, he moaned that he is tired of having a wife that doesn't talk to his friends (in 5 years of being together, he has NEVER invited his friends over and i have only met them ONCE, at the bloody wedding, but that is MY fault, because I don't make the effort), he moaned that we don't go out for dinner, we don't do this, we don't do that. He resents me because he was offered a ticket to go to Barbados to see the cricket world cup final at the end of April and i just didn't think it was appropriate, a) because we have no money and b) just don't think he should go away on his own with mates, thats fine when you're single, but not so fine when you're married! Perhaps i should have said yes to letting him go, i don't know.

I woke up this morning feeling like i wanted to die. What the hell is the point of a pointless existance? He IS right. I am weak, i have more or less admitted defeat.

I'm mentally drained, fed up and tired.

Sarah x

[manmoor]

Awww Sarah have a hug hun :hugs: men eh xx

[jodie]

hi

i think you are doing what you know you can do you work do the house look after your son .
dont let him talk to you like that you are doiing your best hun and thats all he should be botherd about .
has he ever had anxiety ?i guess not the way he is going on it is hard on you i bet , but you just keep trying to get better and dont let him be that way with you :hugs:

jodie xx

[EebyJeeby]

hi Sarah,

Things sound very tense and full of resentment and that's not going to do any of you any good. I get the sense that you both feel trapped - that's why you end up arguing about relatively minor things. You both need room to breathe. I also get the impression that he uses every tool in the armoury to get a reaction from you, but that none of these things are necessarily the real problem. Perhaps if you can both get past the harsh words, you can both talk to eachother about how you both actually feel.

Maybe if you could show that you trust him enough to support him going on the big adventure to the cup final, he may return the same kind of respect to you. It's a huge blokey event and let's face it, you only live once. It's something he'll remember forever and if you were a positive part of it, then all the better!

Hope you are feeling better this evening anyway :-)

Eeb x

[rosebud]

Hi Sarah

Don't be so hard on yourself. I work to,cook,clean,do the shopping. I feel my hubby doesn't appreciate what i do and we have many arguments about it. It goes in one ear and out the other. Even when i mention it in a calm way i'me moaning. Having Anxiety and trying to keep everything else together i am permanently stressed out. Don't get me wrong i love my hubby to bits but men are just not on the same wavelength as us i'me afraid.
Keep your chin up and concentrate on getting better.
Take care
Traceyxxx