I feel like I'm going loopy

[reh]

Hello

So I am pretty positive I have severe health anxiety. I have been like this for over a year now & it's really starting to get me down - it's affecting pretty much all of my close relationships as everyone is starting to think I'm a fruit loop :wacko: & just getting in the way of life in general.

It all started with a trip to thailand (before this I didn't have a care in the world, was the complete opposite of how I am now). I got a bad case of travellers tummy so I was feeling pretty rubbish anyway. I then got bitten by a dog. Whilst I had my rabies shots before the trip & I went straight away to hospital to treatment I was CONVINCED I had gotten rabies and was going to die - simple as that, CONVINCED. I couldn't get it out of my head, I was literally terrified, dropped 11 pounds in 2 weeks because my appetite just went and just wanted to go home. No matter what anyone said to me or tried to reassure me it just wouldn't go in. I then started to freak out that I might have caught hiv from the needles I was given at the hospital - as before I went my travel nurse told me to be careful with having injections in thailand as some places reuse needles and the incidence of hiv in thailand is high. Towards the end of trip me and friend needed to get a boat trip as part of our travel. I was talking to one of the crew members about my booking and he accidental spat a little bit of saliva in my eye. Again, I thought this was another sure fire way I could have got hiv (which I realise now is ridiculous even for my standards as it cannot be passed through salvia plus I didn't even know if the guy had hiv to begin with!) but I found myself analysing everything, googling every possibility and my odds of having rabies/hiv.

After we got back from the trip I continued to worry, went to the doctors about 4/5 times and just pretty much drove my family/bf up the wall with it all. After a while I started to calm down about the rabies thing as a couple of months had passed and I would have shown symptoms by now and I took a hiv test which came back fine. So for a while I was worry free (bliss :roflmao:).

Until recently it's started up again. I started to get some symptoms that can be symptoms of cervical cancer and of course, I freaked out and thought the worst. I was paralysed by fear, literally didn't want to do anything but stay in bed and google and crying all the time convinced I had cancer. Docs did all the tests and eventually all came back clear. But by then I have already moved on to a new problem - melanoma. I noticed a mole on my bf's back that looked funny. I googled it and freaked out because it looked like it could be mel so I made him go to the docs (which he got very pissed about because he felt like I was putting my worry onto him now - which I guess I was in a way). He was fine. Then I started to worry about my moles. I have been on tanning beds before (in my worry free days) and burnt lots in the past and I haven't been keeping an eye on my moles so I started to stress about them, analysing them and comparing them to what I have read. I went to get mine checked and although the doctor said that I have sun damage he is not too worried atm and I need to keep an eye on them. Well the cherry on the cake this weekend my mum showed me some of her moles - which some look really really dodgey - and of cause all of anxiety has come flooding back. She has refused to go the doctor saying she is fine but they don't look fine at all. She said she might go in a few weeks time (as she is going on holiday next week) but if it is something bad you need to go as soon as possible and I am so worried she is leaving it too long.

I just feel like I go from one thing to another and can't stop worrying that something is wrong with me or my family and I know even writing this some of this sounds ridiculous but I can't help it, I really really can't :weep:

Does anyone have any suggestions of what I should do to combat this as I know it's not normal? Is there anyone who has left like this, what have you done to help? My family thinks I should have counciling but I don't think this would work as I feel like no matter what people say to me I just don't seem to believe it.

Please help, I just want to go back to normal :weep:

[Colicab85]

Hi,

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you at the moment. I went (still am to some extent) through all this around April this year.

I started with an intense fear of brain tumours and brain aneurysms, then on to MS and ALS and then CJD.

I can't give you a perfect answer as I'm still going through my ALS fear a little bit, what i can tell you is that time and talking are a great help.

My worst fears regarding Brain tumours and aneurysms HAVEN'T been realised, this is massive help. Once you realise that the things you were terrified of previously haven't come to fruition you can start to logically tell yourself that the thing you are worried about now is probably not going to happen.

It's not an exact thing....as i say I'm still worried about ALS to some extent but I can tell you that I feel 100 times better than I did in April/May.

I also start CBT soon, im hoping that this will be the final nail in the HA coffin for me.

[reh]

Hi :)

Thank you for trying the time to read and reply. It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who has these type of feelings towards potential health conditions. I am glad you are feeling a lot better than before!:yesyes:

I hope this will be me too soon. Yes I think you're right there, time is a good 'healer', so to speak. I also calm down a lot when I have 'cold, hard' evidence in front of me - for example when I got my results for hiv. I paid for one of those rapid test where it tells you in like 15 minutes because I honestly couldn't bear to wait any longer. Even then it was like the longest 15 minutes in the entire world!!

Speaking about it doesn't help me too much though :weep:, I find when I try and talk to others (fam and bf) about stuff they immediately are like 'oh not again' and just annoyed as they think I'm worrying far to much & blowing everything out of portion. Which they may be right but even still it doesn't stop the intense worry, the 'what ifs' and the constant reassurance I need. I think also because my HA isn't just limited to me and I worry intensely about the health of those around me too it only frustrates them further, as the average person does not worry as much as you and I. It's hard for them to understand I guess when they haven't felt this feeling. I'm just finding it pretty horrific atm, just feel like it is crippling my life. I've just lost interest in so many things that I used to concentrate on so much, like my sport and career, as I feel they are irrelevant when you or someone you love could be very poorly if you know what I mean?

I dunno, just feel like even if I get over one thing another thing will eventually come up and it's like a vicious cycle.

I do hope that it'll be the end for you. It sounds like you're on your way anyway. I hope I can follow your lead too, just not quite sure how yet!

[rainbow]

Hi,

I can relate to everything you've said. I've had HA for around 12 years now. Cancer is my biggest fear and I have worried myself sick over the years thinking I have all kinds of cancers. Worried massively about my kids too.

I have had cbt twice which did help for a while but recently I've been plunged into a really bad spell. I know what you mean about feeling like you're going crazy, HA makes you do and think crazy things.

Have you had any counselling/ on any antidepressants?

[LovesTravelWillPanic]

Hi Reh,
In terms of support from your bf and family, I know how hard that can be. While my spouse is a wonderful man, he doesn't not get anxiety like I do, so he has no clue how to "deal" with me when I would have panic attacks or boughts of depression. At his bequest, I actually started going to a therapist an it really helped. Eventually, he came to a few sessions with me. It was one of the best things we could have done. It gave him a whole new perspective on why I had the reactions I did. It could be adventageous for you to explore this route if you haven't already. Your bf and family want what is best for you but don't know how to help so this could give them some perpective :)