Bizzare thoughts (fear of becoming crazy)

[lostinamist]

I'm having the most bizarre thoughts and it's starting to make me think that it's not just OCD. I'm questioning everything - even the people around me. I have a fear of becoming insane and I ask myself questions like "is my brother real", "do people at my workplace think I'm crazy and won't tell me", "am I talking properly". I also worry about seeing and hearing things and a lot of the time everything feels so surreal and dreamy. I've also been doing some bizarre things and can't recall doing them - for example, I noticed I had an unsent message on my phone that I don't recall typing, it was just a generic message saying "how's it going". Normally I wouldn't care if I wasn't in an anxious state but this has me thinking I'm really losing the plot.

I'm very self conscious and worried it might be paranoia and the start of something more severe. I was on Prozac for almost three weeks and it made me feel like I was going crazy. My heart has been beating like crazy for the last few days and I'm so hypersensitive to everything - I can't seem to catch a break. I just got off the Prozac 3 days ago and might be starting Sertraline tomorrow but I'm worried that will also give me bad side effects.

I've had OCD in the past - mainly worrying about Schizophrenia and the thought that I might be a sociopath. I don't understand why this fear has come back with a vengeance. Sorry for the long rant, any advice would be appreciated.

[SLA]

First off, relax. All you describe happened to me when I was in the midst of a huge panic/anxiety spiral in 2008.

Your thoughts are only questions firing randomly from your over-stressed brain. They do not mean anything.

You are not losing the plot, you are just mentally tired, and not firing correctly.

Take small steps, and start planning periods of quiet time for your brain. Let it recover.

[BrokenAge]

Let me just give you some small reassurance and advice. Do not look up symptoms of schizophrenia or any other mental disorder. Trust me I did that and it just made me more anxious. A schizophrenic doesn't question their selves. They wouldn't be like "am I going crazy, I'm losing it aren't I?" Schizophrenia is a problem in the brain where it is split and the person is disconnected from reality. Not FEELING like they're disconnect like you mentioned but being disconnected. You are aware of your surroundings and use logic. I've literally had the same thoughts before. Me being 17 I'd have thoughts like "do my friends and family think I'm crazy but they haven't told me yet??" And I'd have bizzare thoughts. Also paranoia is common with anxiety suffers. It doesn't mean anything else. Take deep breathes and distract yourself. Slowly you'll start to forget about it and then you can move onto better things. Just know that I've been in your shoes before and many others on this forum have as well :)

[OncewasSupergirl]

Totally relate to this! I've been using SLA theory of "pink elephants" when I think of an intrusive or random thought!

[BrokenAge]

When I was at my worst with intrusive thoughts I remember going to the grocery store and a thought would pop up "what if someone in here is after me" instantly freaked out. Not because of the contents of the thought but because I had the thought. It instantly made me worry that I'm not normal. That's not a normal thought. So I would constantly worry if I'd be out and I'd have those thoughts. The best way to describe is what I saw on Reddit. Pseudo Paranoia. You're not paranoid but you're afraid of becoming paranoid. I learned that once you stop giving the thoughts a meaning, they go away. Just because you have a thought it doesn't mean anything sinister. Let the thoughts come and go. Made my life a hell of a lot easier. Hope this helped as well

[SuperBugMan]

I've been struggling with the same fears myself. Started with a HUGE medical anxiety scare where I thought I had a brain tumor. I vomited, I felt like shit.

Then, when I got a scan and it came back clear, I started convincing myself they were delusions and I had schizophrenia. I'm also very unorganized, forgetful, and emotionally dulled (probably from cymbalta). This made me sure I was showing the prestages of shizophrenia.

Heres the facts though, even if our stupid OCD, anxiety ridden brains dont want to believe it:

1.) To have Schizophrenia, you need to either have catatonic behavior, or emotional flattening (Memory, cognitive, and paranoia issues included) AND Hallucinations or Delusions. If you only have one or the other, then you DON'T fit the schizophrenia checklist.

2.) Psychosis by definition means loss of touch with reality. Not depersonalization, not realization. You would have absolutely no idea anything was wrong. You would feel like it was all real.

I know the struggle, I keep on thinking I might go crazy at any moment. I get intrusive paranoid passing thoughts like "What if that person works for the CIA and is watching me." Keep in mind, I have no fear of CIA, or anything, its simply an intrusive thought that only started after I looked up symptoms and early signs of schizophrenia

My Psyciatrist wouldnt even entertain the idea of Schizophrenia when I told him my fears. Reassurance seeking is apparently a bad way to cope with anxiety.

Finally, this quote really helped me... "If you're going crazy, you're going to go crazy. So what? Deal with it when it becomes an issue, when you're actually seeing and hearing things"

Good luck.

[GaryP]

Hi,

I can relate to the worry of going insane. I can't relate to the incidents you speak of. I have sometimes went through stages where I feel I am sick in the head, will hurt children, people, or my family. What I did was challenge these thoughts to the point I no longer felt the need to challenge them.

The only thing that helps me get through stuff like this, is knowing the fact I care enough to worry over something that's unrealistic, or not real at all. As I say I can't relate to the seeing things, or hearing things that aren't there.