Schizophrenia -HELP!

[Scaredlady]

Hi.

I joined this site last year, posted a few times and then, well I kind of just stopped.

To recap; I have been suffering from anxiety since around March of last year (2015) - My GP prescribed two different tablets, neither of which worked for me.

My apparent anxiety manifests itself in the form of convincing me that I am hearing voices - Normal sounds (the kettle, a car horn, running water, music etc) sends me into an absolute state because I start questioning every sound and be completely sure that I can hear voices.

Having conversations with family/friends is problematic too, as I feel overwhelmed by the noise and find it hard not to get irritated by their incessant chattering. Even my own silence sends me into a panic because I convince myself I can hear voices. I am so frightened and worked up, it's 6am and I have been awake all night battling with my thoughts.

I am terrified that it is schizophrenia (even writing the word is HARD). I get into a state if I see a story about the illness while strolling through my news feed on social media etc and I start panicking.

I have told myself that I would rather have cancer than have that and I mean it (and I know that is a really horrible thing to say, sorry). As I said I have been struggling with this since March last year, so it's been about a year and a half now - I have days where I'm not as bad (but those days have been rare recently).

Tonight I was reading an article about a girl suffering from mental health problems; towards the end of it (and before I realised) there was a bit about schiozphrenia and it said that in females the onset is usually around the late 20's to early 30's - So I've got myself seriously scared because last March I was 29 and now I am 31, so I fit the "criteria" and it is information I was never aware of before (Probably because I try to avoid anything to do with the subject of that particular illness), so is my GP wrong, she has told me repeatedly it is anxiety but surely the signs say otherwise? Then I started thinking I could hear a voice (the usual scenario) but I haven't been able to get it under control - Then I started thinking that the cushions on the sofa was a person curled up (the room was in darkness and I could only see the outline) but I know it wasn't a person, I know it was the cushions.

When I am calm I know I am not hearing voices but it's easy to tell myself that when I am not in a state, not so easy when I definitely think it is voices. I'm debating going to A&E now because I want someone to help but I don't want them to think I am a hypochondriac. I haven't seen my GP since January because she kept telling me the same thing "It's anxiety" and I felt she really should investigate further but she didn't.

I'm now battling the urge to Google schizophrenia and I don't want to Google it because I know it will make things even worse than they are - I go out of my way to ensure I never see that word and now here I am contemplating researching it all because I'm convinced I am at the "right" age for it.

I'm worried that if it is "just" anxiety that it will turn into schizophrenia and it'll be all of my own fault - I keep telling myself that I can hear voices, I keep worrying about becoming paranoid - I don't feel paranoid but I keep saying to myself "Oh my God, what if I start thinking such and such is talking to me?" Etc etc.

This has been such a rant, sorry but can anyone advise me or something please??

[BrokenAge]

If you want feel free to go through my profile. I use to have these same exact worries. Anxiety doesn't "turn into" anything else. The thing with Schizophrenia is the lack of insight someone has about it. When you are going through a psychotic episode you don't know that your thoughts or feeling are wrong. It feel natural to a degree. A treated schizophrenic can see his warning signs and such but someone who's just had a psychotic break or on the verge has no insight to there illness. This sounds like classic OCD to me. Other members have had this problem as well. They'll hear a distant noise and start worrying "is that a hallucinatinon??" And it manifest within itself. I personally went through that as well. I get things stuck on my head easily. Like a song or a sound I hear frequently. I live next to a hospital so Its not uncommon to hear ambulances at night. I would get the siren stuck in my head and just randomly hear it throughout my head. I was so sure I was hearing things I got terrified but once I just forgot about it and started talking to friends or something it would disappear. It still happens to me honestly but is not bothersome. Hallucinating doesn't necessarily mean a mental illness. I mean I'm pretty sure almost everyone on this forum have once thought they heard someone call their name out. Also right before you fall asleep you can hallucinate. When it comes to the paranoia topic I also understand you. I witness my friend have a psychotic episode. It included extreme paranoia and hallucinatinons. My anxiety latched onto it and I started thinking "what if I start thinking like that?" So I'd go to the store and have a thought "what if someone's trying to kill me" it would freak me out. I was never afraid of the content of the thought, but the thought it's self made me question my own sanity. Once you treat your anxiety those thoughts and fears will fade away. I can promise you that.