Working makes anxiety so much worse

[Ellen70]

I haven't worked for about 16 months now. In my adult life (18 years) I have had about 20 different jobs.

Work is a major problem for me as it increases my anxiety levels to such a degee that it becomes impossible to carry on working.

My problem is that when I am in a job I cannot think about anything else other than the job. It isn't the job itself that worries me (usually anyway) but the fact that I can't switch my mind off work, I think about it 24/7.

If I am working then I am permanently analysing every aspect of work, from interaction I have had with work colleagues and customers to fears that my boss/seniors think I am a waster. I know I am not because I have had positive feedback from employers etc.

The other aspect is that I cannot forget about work when I am not at work. If I am in a, for example, 9 to 5 job, when I leave work at 5pm I can't switch off. I am immediately planning what times I will go to bed that night, what time I should set my alarm clock for the following morning, thinking about sleeping in the next morning and being late for work etc.

Worry about my job never leaves me for one moment, even at the weekends. By sunday evening I am a nervous wreck about the week's work ahead and of the responsibity of turning up on time each day. Even if I am out socially and everyone is chatting about general things like holidays or having a good old gossip, I am sitting there fretting about work and looking at my watch to calculate how many more hours it will be until I am due at work.

It usually happens that I become overwhelmed by all this fear and worry and end up leaving my job without giving notice to my employer. Or I will go out sick and not return to work.

Why does this happen even when I am in a job I quite like? And why am I like this when everyone else seems to have no problems with working and don't give it a second thought when they aren't at their workplace?

Does anyone else feel like this regarding work? Why does work cause me so much stress?

I would appreciate any insights anyone has.

Regards
Eibhlin

[mazzywoo]

Hi Eibhlin. I am so sorry that you have these worries about work. I must admit that I have this problem but not as badly as you suffer. When someone has anxiety, this sort of worrying seems to happen, maybe because we want to do the job well and have a fear that we will somehow mess up. Do you worry about what your colleagues will think of you? (This is one of my big worries!) You sound like a consientious person who would really like to have a job but your anxiety makes it so hard for you. How does the anxiety appear? Does it make you panic and therefore want to run away? Anxiety sort of breeds on itself and spirals before you get chance to work out why it's happening. You don't say whether you have had any 'talking therapy' for your problems. I had a course of CBT which helped me with my over-obsessional thoughts and taught me a lot of 'tricks' for handling the anxiety-it might be helpful for you too. I know it isn't easy for you coz it's been happening for a long time but I am 56 now and felt that my bad thought habits were ingrained-it took a while but I can now at least enjoy leisure time and if I do worry about work, can (sometimes!) dismiss the anxiety a bit. I'm sorry this is such a long reply but your problem could be caused by lots of different things. I do hope that you can get some help that will benefit you-hang in there-good luck and best wishes. Luv Maz xx

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I've got a really great job right now. I did a degree in media 10 years ago, but never really made it in the film and tv industry. I floundered around for a while, mainly in mind-numbing factory jobs, my confidence sinking ever lower, whilst friends did really well for themselves.

By a strange twist of fate, I'm now a media technician at my old high school. The job's really great: I've learned how to operate a recording studio; I'm pretty much left to manage my own time; I've got the internet and tv in my office; I can have a break or go out whenever I please; and the work is really interesting and stimulating. I feel really valued and respected here. I really enjoy my job.

It is very difficult trying to manage my illness and to do well in the job at the same time though. I'm trying really hard to impress, which is making me feel tense and drained. Maybe I'm being a bit obsessive about being super efficient. I know though, that if I let things slide, that my depression will take over and I'll become really lax, sloppy and lazy...turning up late, not getting things done, having a bad attitude.....I want to relax, but I still want to be on top of things, which is a conflict in my mind.

When I first started the job my anxiety went absolutely mental and I was having panic attacks on a pretty regular basis, which was a bit of a shock to me, as I hadn't had a full blown panic attack for a long time. I knew that I was still in the 'zone' of suffering from a nervous disorder, but it was upsetting that I could get back into having panic attacks so easily. My anxiety was saying "You can't cope...you're going to have to quit the job and you'll never get another good job like this one....you won't even be able to leave your bedroom....you're going to be stuck up there forever!!!". I knew that it was bluff and saw it through. Over time, I'm bound to relax into the job. I fought so hard to get it, I'm not about to give it up easily. I do get very depressive thoughts though, such as "you're a fraud, you don't know anything about media" and "you don't deserve to have a good job....get back to working in a factory and pay your dues".

In one way, it's good that I can eventually recognise that these are faulty thoughts and that my physical symptoms are stress-related and not the way that I'm supposed to feel. In glimpses, I do relax a little and I think that everything is going to be ok, but a lot of the time I'm climbing the walls and I can't see any way that I can ever be better. The hardest thing is holding on to hope, when you don't have any.

Depression and anxiety are horrible, hellish illnesses, but they don't last forever. I've been suffering really badly for 4 years and it's hard not to think of myself as 'mentally ill', because I've been robbed of any sense of adventure and I have to squeeze any enjoyment out of life that I can. But, the illness(es) that I suffer from are more emotional than mental. It's not as if I have schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. I'm not blighted. I just started life a little shakier than most and I've hit a particularly rough patch. As they say, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". Hopefully, this experience will "toughen me up" and I'll be able to get on with life once I'm recovered with as much confidence as anybody else.

I remember Gary Neville, the England defender saying of David Beckham "He's been through everything (red card against Argentina, death threats...etc), what else could possibly hurt him?"

[amberbear]

i tried going back to work a few years ago when my anxiety and panick attacks were high , i manage to stay a few months but my boss rang my partner and told him i was mad and that i needed help , he told her i suffered anxiety and in reply she said anxiety is rubbish all these people need to do is pull them selves together , before i left i gave her a real piece of my mind and told her a few facts, that felt good ,

[Ellen70]

Hi everyone, thanks for your posts.

I guess my point is not that I want an ideal job and to be perfect at it, it is that I want to leave work out of my mind when I am not at work. Obviously if I had a job and I had real problems there then it would be normal to think about them outside of work, but I have been in plenty of jobs where I did not have any problems but still obsessed about work constantly out of work hours. When I work it is in my mind 24/7 and that is what I can't handle and what creates unnescesary fear and anxiety in me.

I have been in a couple of jobs where my employer knew about my mental health status and was understanding of it but that didn't still stop my mind from worrrying about travelling to and from work, will I get up in time for work? etc.

I am 36 and I depair at the thought of ever doing any thing valuable with my life and of ever being able to have a decent standard of living.

[bananarbabe]

Wow I completely understand where you are coming from as I have been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety at work. I actually took the day off today because I just needed a break from it all. My job has been very demanding and although I make an effort to not take work home unless absolutely necessary, I still find myself waking up incredibly early and worrying about everything I have to do at work.

One thing I have been trying to do is verbalize what is worrying me. I remember a few days ago I was worried about work and my boyfriend asked me what specifically was causing me worry. And as I started telling him, I started to realize that a lot of the worry was self genreated. Also, journal writing has helped me to gather my thoughts. I've also been looking for books on the subject too. Does anyone have any recommendations? How do others cope with worrying about work?