Anxiety when away from home

[Pipkin]

Hi everyone,

I know this has been discussed before but I wondered if any current members get anxious when away from home?

For me, it's not the travelling or missing home, it's the change and a feeling of losing control. It's quite unpredictable though - sometimes I'm fine, sometimes it's a nightmare. It usually starts a few days before with physical symptoms such as stomach pain and feeling generally unwell. It gets worse nearer the time until I get to the point where all I want to do is sleep. It's as if my mind is trying to trick me into not going.

Can anyone relate?

Take care

Pip

[Carnation]

It's going in to the unknown and unfamiliar surroundings; out of your safety zone.
The over-thinking and once you push through and are there, the symptoms are less and eventually disappear.
The sub-conscious mind is warning you of danger, even though there isn't any.
You will think that you are too exhausted to go as the time gets closer.
I have adopted this attitude that I can always cancel if I am not up to it, but find when I do finally face it, I am much better than my mind is telling me I am going to be.
In a strange way, your anxiety is protecting you, so you have to talk yourself in to calming those nerves by reassurance, coping and survival methods.

[Pipkin]

It's going in to the unknown and unfamiliar surroundings; out of your safety zone.
The over-thinking and once you push through and are there, the symptoms are less and eventually disappear.
The sub-conscious mind is warning you of danger, even though there isn't any.
You will think that you are too exhausted to go as the time gets closer.
I have adopted this attitude that I can always cancel if I am not up to it, but find when I do finally face it, I am much better than my mind is telling me I am going to be.
In a strange way, your anxiety is protecting you, so you have to talk yourself in to calming those nerves by reassurance, coping and survival methods.

Thanks Carnation. You're quite right of course. I'm away with work for the rest of the week and I had a nightmare this morning (morning's are always the worst anyway). I've had stomach/back pain for the last few weeks and this morning, it got worse and I started sweating and shaking, all the usual suspects. I sat down for half an hour, had a cup of tea and played solitaire. That helped.

I don't suffer from specific health anxiety but when I get physical symptoms that last a while, my mind goes into overdrive diagnosing me with all kinds of things. Of course, this has all happened before, as I keep reminding myself. And I'm still here to tell the tale.

I'm sure it will get better when I'm there - it usually does.

Thanks for your reply - it's much appreciated.

Pip xx

[SLA]

You are mistaking anxiety for excitement! :)

No, but seriously, I can relate to this... actually when I look back on my life I used to suffer with this... actually quite a lot. :D Maybe I should write about it.

When you say that you "won't be in control" I want you to think about what bits you won't be in control of that you normally would?

[Pipkin]

You are mistaking anxiety for excitement! :)

No, but seriously, I can relate to this... actually when I look back on my life I used to suffer with this... actually quite a lot. :D Maybe I should write about it.

When you say that you "won't be in control" I want you to think about what bits you won't be in control of that you normally would?

Thanks SLA. I wish it was excitement! Impending doom, more like..:scared15:

It's always the same for me when things change and my daily routine is different to how it usually is. I've thought long and hard about this over the years and come to the conclusion that my problem is that I always want to control the uncontrollable. This means that when things change and I have less control over the things I normally can control, I get extremely anxious.

For example, what time I eat, when it's polite to go to bed, when I take a break etc. It gets even worse if I'm away with someone else as I feel even more restricted but, fortunately, this time I'm on my own. I know it's nonsensical but then that's how anxiety is. No matter how illogical an anxiety trigger is, it's still an anxiety trigger until we learn to deal with it.

All of that said, I never avoid these situations because 1) I will be letting people down and 2) I would be so disappointed with myself. I understand why some people feel they have to pull out. For me, the disappointment in myself is worse than the initial anxiety. I also worry that I'll end up on the slippery slope of avoiding more and more things as I confirm to my anxious brain that there is indeed something to be anxious about.

I'd like to say that the more I face these fears, the easier it becomes. For me, it simply doesn't. I'm not defeatist but it's hard to retain resilience after 40+ years of this horror!

Thanks for your reply and I would like to hear your experience of this kind of situation.

Pip :D

[Carnation]

No, it doesn't get any easier, but you learn to cope more and find more and more ways of dealing with it so that you can lead a normal life.
We take anxiety with us everywhere we go, so we have to keep it quiet.
Some places will trigger it off and sometimes it just sneaks up and gives you hell.
One of my bad zones is my mum's house. Every time I have to go there anxiety sets in, I can hardly walk, hardly focus, but, and this is important, I understand why and I talk to it and say, look; "I have to go and if you have to come with me, you need to behave, I've got things I must do and you'll just have to sit in the background".
Strange, but it works for me. It's like a naughty child.
I never like to be defeated by it and the more you cancel and pull out, the more it is likely to haunt you.
Take precautions, make sure you are well hydrated, well fed and have plenty of rest and sleep and your body will cope better.
A pharmacist once told me that it is there to protect you, so make it your friend and humour it and it doesn't like that. It wants to frighten you and stop you from doing things, but if you can push through, it becomes less dominant. :)

[LovesTravelWillPanic]

Pipkin, I am really enjoying reading this thread as I experience the same things. I get anxious over things that I feel people may be disappointed with me for, such as you mentioned going to bed at a certain time.

I am currently abroad and very far from home and experiencing a nasty bought of my anxiety. All over the fact that we have to take a 2 hour drive and a 20 min boat ride and those things are out of my control. Sure, we could have rented a car and I probably would have been fine but we don't know the rules of the road here (and also, I can't even drive a boat so not sure why I feel a loss of control there!). My anxiety also manifests in my stomach as a nasty stomach ache, to the point where I can't eat much more than plain bread. I was up all last night trying to calm myself and my anxiety. My therapist told me to think of my anxiety as a scared child. It needs to be held by the hand and taken along with you so it knows it's safe and taken care of. I even gave it a colour, blue, because it often makes me feel sad. My spouse asked me this morning if I wanted to stay where we were another day but I said no. It would just make me more nervous really and I would be disappointed in myself for not just slogging though. I'm so exhausted from not sleeping that I'm probably just going to fall asleep in the car anyways.

Anywho, the long and the short of it is that I know you can get through and perservere. I believe you can!

[almamatters]

I suffer with the same thing Pipkin and I'm at the stage now where I can manage to get to work but not a lot else, anything unfamiliar sends me into a panic, new roads, new surroundings, things out of my comfort zone basically. I have just finished another course of CBT where I discussed my travelling fears in depth, but it always seemed to come down to asking yourself " what is the worst that can happen to me" and riding the feelings of panic out and apparently they will eventually subside. I'm not brave enough to try this, so am stuck at the moment.
I wish i had some advice, but am struggling to find a solution for this, distraction used to help me but that is wearing off now. i do empathise with you and wish you luck in overcoming it, I'm sure you will! . X

[Pipkin]

Aw, thanks guys - you're stars! Not that I want any of you to feel anxious but it helps when you know you're not on your own.

I'll drop in later but in the meantime, suffice it to say that I made it here in one piece, had a reasonable night's sleep and now, shaky and sweating, I'm off to work :scared15:

Pip xxx

[Pipkin]

PS. Don't you just hate having to use a different toilet? The things I worry about...:wall:

Pip xxx

[LovesTravelWillPanic]

Yes, I do! I'm in Thailand and I'm not able to put the toilet paper into the toilet after use so that took some getting used to lol! Once in Hungary, the bathroom had a door but no roof so you could quite clearly hear everything that was going on haha!

[Pipkin]

Hi all,

Felt terrible all day. My stomach and back pains are awful. It's got to be my IBS playing up as it moves around all the time. The trouble is that the worse I feel, the more anxious I get. The more anxious I get, the more I think it's caused by something else. The more I think this, the worse I feel and so on, ad infinitum.

Can't break the cycle as I normally do because of added 'away from home anxiety'. I feel like crying :weep:

Pip xxx

[almamatters]

Hi all,

Felt terrible all day. My stomach and back pains are awful. It's got to be my IBS playing up as it moves around all the time. The trouble is that the worse I feel, the more anxious I get. The more anxious I get, the more I think it's caused by something else. The more I think this, the worse I feel and so on, ad infinitum.

Can't break the cycle as I normally do because of added 'away from home anxiety'. I feel like crying :weep:

Pip xxx

Sorry you are feeling like this Pip, but we'll done for getting there in the first place, that's a big achievement! If you are worried and anxious IBS symptoms generally get worse ( Well mine do anyway) I hope you are feeling better soon, I'm no good at advice in these situations as I'm struggling at the moment but just wanted to know you are not alone. Take Care .

[dally]

Hi pip
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad with your IBS. Take whatever meds you gave with you. Even just paracetamol will ease your gut.
I totally understand how ibs or just plain anxiety is so much more heightened when you have the added stress if being away from home. Try progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing. Both should help your gut and anxiety.
Well done for getting this far. You are a star

[Pipkin]

Thanks both - I really really appreciate the support. After my post, I decided to write down when I'd felt like this before and how it always gets better. I then did some relaxation exercises for half an hour and felt so much better!

I've been out to dinner with some people I know and had a lovely evening. Granted, I had 2 glasses of wine which helps but I was already feeling better. Plenty of water for me now and off to bed.

Home tomorrow! Yeah!!!

Thanks again everyone for being there when I needed you :yesyes:

Pip xxx

[Pipkin]

All,

Back home now and not away again for 6 weeks :D Thanks for all your support!

Pip

[duns]

So glad you managed to feel better. I had a very similar experience this summer when on holiday. I had been in one location for just over a week and felt safe / became accustomed to the surroundings. I then went to another city, in a rather hip/trendy/busy hotel and felt extremely low and anxious. I simply couldn't settle and wanted to return home but was stuck there for another four days as was half way across the world. It's a very odd and unsettling feeling so I totally empathise with you.