I'm ruining my future

[Norif]

So, I should start from the beginning. This will be a long post. Sorry in advance!
When I was 17 I was just getting out of secondary school (year 12). I hated it. I was one of those weird teens, and got made fun a lot. I was noooot a cool kid. At this point I was done with school. I didn't like it. Didn't think it was for me. Specially when considering I hated my social studies course. I was always into fashion. But adults had a noooot of influence on me. I was never a strong person. Never went after what I wanted unless i was 110% sure I was going to get it. Sad I know.
Thing is, I ended up going to university, cause my family wanted me to, of course. First year. Craaaazy. I got nothing done. Partied all the time. This with the excuse I was going to change courses of course (I got into something i didn't like - again).
As I didn't have a good enough grade to change course and stay on the same uni, I had to change university.
I hated the new uni. It was a private uni. Full of rich kids. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against having money. I just dont fit in very well with that crew. I'm no rich kid, and a bit of a hippie. That's when the trouble started. As I didn't like the uni, I started to realise I didn't like the course as well (not fashion remember? And yes, this was my second course). I thought it was too late to change to fashion, so I stayed. Unfortunately, not for long. I started skipping class. It started with one or to class. Just to meet my friends at my first uni! No biggie. But then, I started to skip a lot more. And when i realised, I was flunking loads of classes. Fast forward a bit, I didn't even show up in class. Eventually I dropped out.
Fast forward again to now - I'm a 24 year old girl, that just signed in for a quick one year course on tourism, and guess what? Classes start next week and I'm already trying to make up excuses in my head no to attend it.
I know I'm being stupid and wasting tons of money. Believe me I know.
It's weird. It's like I can't bring myself to go to class. I can't bring myself to care for it even a bit. It's not like I hate it. I just can't . I feel like I won't like it, even before giving it a try. All I want to do is stay home, feeling sorry for myself. I lost a lot of friends these couple of years. I don't even wanna go out with them :/
I feel like my life is escaping through my hands and I'm just sitting here watching it happen.
Sorry again for the huge message, but I really need some advice
Thanks guys

[SLA]

Hi Nori,

So are you happy with the idea of being involved in Tourism? Is that what you would like to work in?

Do you feel like you are wasting money because the course is wrong? or that even if you did get the qualification, its not what you want to do with your life?

[PunkyFish]

So, I should start from the beginning. This will be a long post. Sorry in advance!
When I was 17 I was just getting out of secondary school (year 12). I hated it. I was one of those weird teens, and got made fun a lot. I was noooot a cool kid. At this point I was done with school. I didn't like it. Didn't think it was for me. Specially when considering I hated my social studies course. I was always into fashion. But adults had a noooot of influence on me. I was never a strong person. Never went after what I wanted unless i was 110% sure I was going to get it. Sad I know.
Thing is, I ended up going to university, cause my family wanted me to, of course. First year. Craaaazy. I got nothing done. Partied all the time. This with the excuse I was going to change courses of course (I got into something i didn't like - again).
As I didn't have a good enough grade to change course and stay on the same uni, I had to change university.
I hated the new uni. It was a private uni. Full of rich kids. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against having money. I just dont fit in very well with that crew. I'm no rich kid, and a bit of a hippie. That's when the trouble started. As I didn't like the uni, I started to realise I didn't like the course as well (not fashion remember? And yes, this was my second course). I thought it was too late to change to fashion, so I stayed. Unfortunately, not for long. I started skipping class. It started with one or to class. Just to meet my friends at my first uni! No biggie. But then, I started to skip a lot more. And when i realised, I was flunking loads of classes. Fast forward a bit, I didn't even show up in class. Eventually I dropped out.
Fast forward again to now - I'm a 24 year old girl, that just signed in for a quick one year course on tourism, and guess what? Classes start next week and I'm already trying to make up excuses in my head no to attend it.
I know I'm being stupid and wasting tons of money. Believe me I know.
It's weird. It's like I can't bring myself to go to class. I can't bring myself to care for it even a bit. It's not like I hate it. I just can't . I feel like I won't like it, even before giving it a try. All I want to do is stay home, feeling sorry for myself. I lost a lot of friends these couple of years. I don't even wanna go out with them :/
I feel like my life is escaping through my hands and I'm just sitting here watching it happen.
Sorry again for the huge message, but I really need some advice
Thanks guys

Hi :)

I think life is to short to do something you don't want to do and if you have the chance to do something you want to do then I say go for it. Studying is hard work as it is, but studying a subject that your heart is not into is even harder. If you enjoy a subject you're more likely to attend classes and work that bit harder. If tourism is not for you then can't you look for a course that you may actually be interested in and not what others want you to do.

I'm kinda like you, I went to University to do a course which I ended up not liking a few years ago and now I'm just watching my life slip by. However like you I'm trying to change it as I know that i can't carry on as I am or otherwise I will be stuck like this for many years to come. Many of times I want to stay at home in my bed feeling sorry for myself and many of times that is exactly what I did, but it has never changed the situation. Ii's just like a vicious circle and you get stuck in a rut of doing this. Your life is not going to change or come to you unless you do something about it. If fashion is what you love then I would try and go down this route. We can never be 100% certain that our choices will work out but you can either spend your life studying or doing a job that is boring and meaningless or studying something or doing a job that you love and have your heart into.

All the best. :)

[Norif]

Thank you for the reply SLA!
I'm not happy about tourism, But it's not that bad. And it's a small course. 15 months.
I feel like it's too late for fashion now. I would have to start all over with uni. Probably 3 more years. I should have done it earlier :weep:
I give a loooot of importance to my age. I'm scared i'll waste my youth away. It's stupid. At 24 I already feel like a total loser. I should be working at a job I love, maybe moving to some other country, living an exciting life.... Instead I'm still at the same place I was at 17 years old..


---------------------------------

Thank you for the reply PunkyFish!
I'm sorry that you went through that! It really is shitty And you're right. Life is so short, there's no time to be unhappy. But somehow I feel like it's too late for me. Like I should just settle for this, to do what people expect of me. To make things worst, I have crazy social anxiety. I don't make friends that easily, so I'm always alone - Thank you brain for all these gifts :doh:
I guess you're right though. Should at least try

[Livinlavidaloca]

So, I should start from the beginning. This will be a long post. Sorry in advance!
When I was 17 I was just getting out of secondary school (year 12). I hated it. I was one of those weird teens, and got made fun a lot. I was noooot a cool kid. At this point I was done with school. I didn't like it. Didn't think it was for me. Specially when considering I hated my social studies course. I was always into fashion. But adults had a noooot of influence on me. I was never a strong person. Never went after what I wanted unless i was 110% sure I was going to get it. Sad I know.
Thing is, I ended up going to university, cause my family wanted me to, of course. First year. Craaaazy. I got nothing done. Partied all the time. This with the excuse I was going to change courses of course (I got into something i didn't like - again).
As I didn't have a good enough grade to change course and stay on the same uni, I had to change university.
I hated the new uni. It was a private uni. Full of rich kids. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against having money. I just dont fit in very well with that crew. I'm no rich kid, and a bit of a hippie. That's when the trouble started. As I didn't like the uni, I started to realise I didn't like the course as well (not fashion remember? And yes, this was my second course). I thought it was too late to change to fashion, so I stayed. Unfortunately, not for long. I started skipping class. It started with one or to class. Just to meet my friends at my first uni! No biggie. But then, I started to skip a lot more. And when i realised, I was flunking loads of classes. Fast forward a bit, I didn't even show up in class. Eventually I dropped out.
Fast forward again to now - I'm a 24 year old girl, that just signed in for a quick one year course on tourism, and guess what? Classes start next week and I'm already trying to make up excuses in my head no to attend it.
I know I'm being stupid and wasting tons of money. Believe me I know.
It's weird. It's like I can't bring myself to go to class. I can't bring myself to care for it even a bit. It's not like I hate it. I just can't . I feel like I won't like it, even before giving it a try. All I want to do is stay home, feeling sorry for myself. I lost a lot of friends these couple of years. I don't even wanna go out with them :/
I feel like my life is escaping through my hands and I'm just sitting here watching it happen.
Sorry again for the huge message, but I really need some advice
Thanks guys

Hey, I was in a similar situation to you and changed universities after one year, the only difference is I persisted with my second course and got a 2:1 but even though I graduated over two years ago I don't feel like my degree and experience has helped me as much as I would have liked it to.

I'm the same age as you and I think losing friends is a common occurrence when people hit there twenties because they start coupling up and focusing on other things.

If all jobs paid the exact same amount so that a pilot was paid the same as a cleaner, what would you like to do?

Also it's important to realise you're not alone, there are so many people who feel the exact same way as you (and I) do but don't always speak about it openly.

:hugs:

[Lissa101]

It sounds like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Worrying about the future is something we all do but imho it's good to find something you care deeply about. I dropped out of school due to anxiety and at 24 felt much the same as you. Then I decided (at 24) I was going to fulfil my passion to become a zoologist. As a council estate kid most people from my neck of the woods told me that was ridiculous. They're not laughing now I have a PhD in it! It was and still is tough living with anxiety but its just a feeling at the end of day and cant stop you from doing whatever you want to in life. Best of luck x