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30-09-16, 07:07
I actually a bit ashamed of myself at the moment and I've been in two minds about whether to post this as I'd hate to be judged as weak or greedy or selfish, even though I know you guys are not at all judgemental!
I'm becoming increasingly worried about my attitude to food and to my own health and diet. When I say 'worried', I consider this to be a legitimate concern that lies outside my anxiety disorder, although anxiety may play a part in explaining my problem.
I'm always advising people on here to watch what they eat in order to improve certain symptoms, and I've had periods where I've eaten better, but I always end up failing. I waste so much money on takeaways. You can tell I'm fed up of it because it takes me ages to choose a takeaway these days. I never know what I want anymore, which suggests I'm not getting the emotional boost from the food I once did.
I've always been a big eater, but the problem is, I've always been an emotional eater as well. I comfort eat big time. I eat to feel better, and sometimes I eat things for the sake of nostalgia. I only have to think of my favourite Chinese takeaway growing up (which is still in business back home) and I salivate! I just wish I could respond the same way to broccoli as I do to burgers.
Here's my problem in a few bullet points:
- McDonald's: I'm here way too much. Everybody says it's garbage and disgusting (which it is) and I just have to nod along and pretend I don't like it. I know it's a choice, but a lot of the time, I feel as if my body and mind are screaming for it. I doesn't feel like a choice to me.
- Meat: I'm one of those people for whom a meal isn't a meal without meat. I find all the side stuff boring and bland, to the point I often go weeks where meat (and dairy and bread) are the only things I eat.
- Fruit and vegetables: I don't like them. Never have. My parents always made sure we ate well as kids, so it's not like I wasn't exposed to them from a young age. We always had veg with our meals. My dad feels about veg the way I do about meat. He loves it and often says he'd go without the meat happily. But I hate vegetables. All of them. I can't think of a single one I like. Fruit is a little better. But I hate the way most fruit feels on my teeth and it's full of sugar anyway. Yeah, I know it's not the refined kind, but sugar is still sugar.
- Cooking: It's not that I can't cook or that I'm afraid to. I'm actually quite good. But I hate it. I hate the time spent in the kitchen, especially after a long day at work. Who want to get out of work just to spend two hours slaving away in the kitchen? I don't know how people do it. Plus, I have the same problems - even if I cook, you can bet meat is the centrepiece, maybe with pasta, but rarely with veg.
I do want to change. I recognise the need to change and I believe in the ability of anyone, myself included, to better themselves and make the changes they want to make. I just feel powerless. I was an athletic teenager, albeit one who felt fatigued a lot of the time and probably had depression. But as I turned 18 and went to uni, it all changed. I started eating rubbish and it's been that way ever since, and I became fat. I'm not huge, but I've always had a belly as a grown-up.
I know the truth is that it's down to me to sort this out, but why do I find it so hard?
I'm becoming increasingly worried about my attitude to food and to my own health and diet. When I say 'worried', I consider this to be a legitimate concern that lies outside my anxiety disorder, although anxiety may play a part in explaining my problem.
I'm always advising people on here to watch what they eat in order to improve certain symptoms, and I've had periods where I've eaten better, but I always end up failing. I waste so much money on takeaways. You can tell I'm fed up of it because it takes me ages to choose a takeaway these days. I never know what I want anymore, which suggests I'm not getting the emotional boost from the food I once did.
I've always been a big eater, but the problem is, I've always been an emotional eater as well. I comfort eat big time. I eat to feel better, and sometimes I eat things for the sake of nostalgia. I only have to think of my favourite Chinese takeaway growing up (which is still in business back home) and I salivate! I just wish I could respond the same way to broccoli as I do to burgers.
Here's my problem in a few bullet points:
- McDonald's: I'm here way too much. Everybody says it's garbage and disgusting (which it is) and I just have to nod along and pretend I don't like it. I know it's a choice, but a lot of the time, I feel as if my body and mind are screaming for it. I doesn't feel like a choice to me.
- Meat: I'm one of those people for whom a meal isn't a meal without meat. I find all the side stuff boring and bland, to the point I often go weeks where meat (and dairy and bread) are the only things I eat.
- Fruit and vegetables: I don't like them. Never have. My parents always made sure we ate well as kids, so it's not like I wasn't exposed to them from a young age. We always had veg with our meals. My dad feels about veg the way I do about meat. He loves it and often says he'd go without the meat happily. But I hate vegetables. All of them. I can't think of a single one I like. Fruit is a little better. But I hate the way most fruit feels on my teeth and it's full of sugar anyway. Yeah, I know it's not the refined kind, but sugar is still sugar.
- Cooking: It's not that I can't cook or that I'm afraid to. I'm actually quite good. But I hate it. I hate the time spent in the kitchen, especially after a long day at work. Who want to get out of work just to spend two hours slaving away in the kitchen? I don't know how people do it. Plus, I have the same problems - even if I cook, you can bet meat is the centrepiece, maybe with pasta, but rarely with veg.
I do want to change. I recognise the need to change and I believe in the ability of anyone, myself included, to better themselves and make the changes they want to make. I just feel powerless. I was an athletic teenager, albeit one who felt fatigued a lot of the time and probably had depression. But as I turned 18 and went to uni, it all changed. I started eating rubbish and it's been that way ever since, and I became fat. I'm not huge, but I've always had a belly as a grown-up.
I know the truth is that it's down to me to sort this out, but why do I find it so hard?