For pulisa x. [Archive] - No More Panic

MyNameIsTerry

01-10-16, 06:13

Yes, I echo that, Pulisa. I don't know what's happening today but I know you'll deal with it with your usual strength and grace. Xxxx:hugs:

And I'll add "butt kicking" to that as well! Pulisa has often told me she is not as strong as she may come across and she's had the same response from me each time - I don't believe you! I know she is strong because she goes through so much each day looking after her family and parking her own anxieties to deal with all that. Given her situation, she could breakdown and not be able to do anything BUT she keeps fighting through each day.

That takes real strength. And I will continue telling you this because I believe you don't perceive it the way I bet everyone else on here does when they read about what you have been through!

You've been told! :ohmy::D

...anyway I don't know what's going on, I'm not here much at the moment so I'm out of the loop a lot, but whatever it is I know you will tackle it as you always do but you have all of our support if you need it. I know you aren't someone who likes to talk much as you are more of a do-er but it's a two way thing and everyone will support you too. :hugs::hugs::hugs::flowers:

Carnation

01-10-16, 10:21

I don't know what's going on either. :shrug:

But, Pulisa helped me out when I was suffering with being left alone and she was there like a shot. x

Whatever has happened, you have support on here too Pulisa. :hugs:

Carrie8484

01-10-16, 15:49

I'm sending huge hugs to you Pulisa. I'm sorry i haven't caught with you over the fast few days with my op but I am thinking of you and I would really like to know how you are getting on when you feel up to it.

You are a lovely, kind, patient and very brave lady from everything I have read on NMP and from our interaction.

You are in my thoughts xx

Magic

01-10-16, 18:00

I must go back and read the threads.

Pulisa. I hope all turns out alright for you and sending you big:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:xxx

Buster70

01-10-16, 22:05

Hi pulisa , hope things are going ok or as OK as they can be , mri's arnt to bad if you haven't had one before , had one earlier this year just noisy , big noisy donut , they give you a panic button to hold you just queez if you want out but you're tough you will be ok , it never rains but it sodding well pours eh , take care .oh yeah you can take an MP3 in as well

dale12345

02-10-16, 03:32

:hugs:

pulisa

02-10-16, 08:39

Thank you all so much! I haven't meant to be "mysterious"-just that my problem has been a bit embarrassing as I've had bad continuous rectal pain for over 3 months now which isn't piles or fissure related. I know that "anxiety" will be brought into the equation eventually but it just seems so weird and is certainly not on the "list" of physical symptoms. I'm not on any psych meds so the anxiety discussion hasn't arisen yet-I'm just waiting for it though..

I'm claustrophobic but will just have to lump it with the mri.

Thank you all again xxx

LittleMissAlone

02-10-16, 09:06

Aw Pulisa. My dad had to have an MRI on his prostate a couple of years ago and out of all the unpleasant exploratory things the poor bloke had that was what was the worst because of claustrophobia. But he was fine. Also he was told to expect 40 mins and it was actually no more than 25 mins in the end so that was a bonus. He had cancer but it hadn't spread and was slow moving. Successfully treated, he's fine now.

How long is your MRI going to be? :hugs:

pulisa

02-10-16, 09:34

I've no idea, LMA. The consultant just said that he wanted me to have a pelvic mri to get a different view of things. I'll just have to shut my eyes and deal with it-and remember to keep still! xx

LittleMissAlone

02-10-16, 09:45

If you don't mind me asking, why are you reluctant to tell them about anxiety? The brain can cause untold havoc on the body under stress. Look at alopecia, that's a hell of a drastic stress reaction. It might help them to rule out more sinister things (I know you've said you have HA). As much as we don't trust doctors they are pretty smart people and have seen it all before. Xxx

pulisa

02-10-16, 11:55

Buster70

02-10-16, 12:51

Hi , my mum had a full mri that was about 40 mins , mine only covered my middle and lower back I don't think I was in for even 20 mins ok it felt a lot longer , I was told take a diazepam half an hour before but they were running late so I waited an hour and a half to go in by then the diazepam was wareing off and I'd got in a state , tell them you suffer with anxiety and they won't keep you hanging on , they talk to you though a speaker while you're in and ask if you're ok .

LittleMissAlone

02-10-16, 13:38

It'll be normal to feel anxious having an MRI, I bet, like my dad. You don't have to have a full on anxiety disorder, say, to be on edge. The staff will be used to nervousness.

Yes, Pulisa, that makes sense to keep it from them. Doctors are very strange when it comes to things like stress anyway, aren't they? Amazing what nonsense they come out with. I remember seeing a gp over 20 years ago about psoriasis and said I'd been stressed and he said he'd never heard that stress can cause skin problems!

You'll be fine, you're in the system now, you won't get overlooked. Xxx

swgrl09

02-10-16, 18:33

Hi Pulisa, haven't been coming on here as much due to being quite busy. I hope you are doing alright. You have always been so supportive to me, remembering when I am going through a tough time, etc and have kind words. I know what you mean about having to hide mentioning the anxiety because it seems to trump getting a diagnosis sometimes. I hope you get some answers though and feel better soon. Keep us posted :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Sunflower2

02-10-16, 20:15

Pulisa, do you remember I had an MRI last winter for my back? I was absolutely terrified, as I hate small spaces. I was in there for about 45 minutes and I survived! They give you a panic button and will take you out within like 20 seconds if you need it and also talk you through everything and how much is left. I actually then had to get a second one 2 days later because they forgot to do one scan! That one wasn't half as bad because I knew what to expect and knew I could manage it!

I hope that you find out what is causing your symptoms - you know that I am also pushing to find out what is going on with me, it is the unknown which is the worst!

pulisa

03-10-16, 19:36

My scan is on Friday and will last for 1 hour 20 mins. That's a hell of a lot of seconds:D

Shazamataz

03-10-16, 20:42

A doctor in the past told me never to mention that I had anxiety because there is a tendency to blame symptoms on anxiety if there is a known diagnosis. She told me to let them eliminate all the physical stuff first.

I'd say you can tell them you have anxiety about the MRI without giving away all your anxiety issues.

My dad had to have an MRI under general as he was so badly claustrophobic.

When I had one many years ago I was able to dose up on diazepam but was still a bit of a mess. Having them know meant they were very kind and supportive through it and it wasn't as awful as I expected.

Hope it goes okay for you

xx

pulisa

03-10-16, 21:04

Thanks, Sharon. I will 'fess up. I really didn't think it would be that long and I've no choice but to have it done xx

LittleMissAlone

04-10-16, 05:45

Yeah, no 'shame' in saying you're nervous having an MRI. I know someone else who was so claustrophobic she couldn't have it done at all, quite detrimentally to their illness too.

Wow, that does sound like a long time, Pulisa, but as people have been saying there is a panic button and you'll be out in a jiffy. But it's amazing what strength you'll find when you have to.

On a tiny tiny scale, I remember in my teens and very early 20s being phobic about the dentist, it'd suddenly wake me up just thinking about it. But then I had toothache and so I went for a check up and I needed a filling. You'd think I'd need tranquilising for the appointment but I just realised it was something I needed to do.

:hugs:

MyNameIsTerry

04-10-16, 06:36

Yeah, I agree. Many people are anxious about hospitals & tests for obvious reasons so just use that rather than give them an "out" by proclaiming an anxiety disorder.

If only we had Bones McCoy and his little handheld thingy! On Star Trek you lie on a bed and their scanners just zoom top-to-toe & back and it's all done!

Since you can take in MP3's (never new that!), is there anything that would help you to get through it? Maybe a recording of someone kicking Dr Christian Jessen up the arse on loop? (I know how you love him! :biggrin:)

pulisa

04-10-16, 09:06

Carnation

04-10-16, 10:45

Pulisa, I've been racking my brain to think of ways for you to stay calm and get through this while you are in there.
All I could think of is what I used to do when travelling to keep my mind busy and occupied.
I.e. Playing word games in your head, like going through the A-Z and thinking of dog breeds, countries, animals, boy's names, girl's names and so on. It might help. :shrug:

I'm also claustrophobic, which won't be a surprise as I seem to be phobic about almost everything these days. :D And the hardest part will be the run-up and adjusting to being in there. I don't know whether you are allowed to move your hands, but if you circle the inners of your palms gently, they are one of your stress points and I do this a lot in meetings and it is quite comforting. x

pulisa

04-10-16, 11:18

I think I'll try the counting and word games, Carnation. Also counting in French and Spanish (if I can remember-it might be a distraction). I think the worst bit will be the first 5 mins when panic really sets in. Also the run up of course. Thanks for your very helpful tips.

I've spoken to the scanner people today. Apparently loads of people can't go through with the scan. It's not an open machine and my whole body will go in. I've just phoned my GP to ask for sedation because I need to have this done and I don't think I can cope with all that time in a tube without a bit of "help".

Carnation

04-10-16, 11:28

I think that is wise Pulisa to have the sedation; I would too.

It's sounds like a challenge they would have on 'Get me out of here, I'm a Celebrity', except there is no prize money at the end. :(
Hopefully your prize will be the 'All Clear'. x

MyNameIsTerry

06-10-16, 09:21

That would be good :D Where has that creep got to anyway? Just my luck that he turns up at my hospital to question me for "Embarrassing Bodies"-I'd certainly qualify with a dodgy rectum and I'm sure he'd be fascinated...

I know, he's been strangely quiet. Maybe he's disappeared up his own backside? :whistles:

If he turns up at your appointment we will have to wait for Alright On The Night to show the outtake, probably one of him being strangled with his stethoscope! :roflmao:

I thought he might show up on Bear Grylls The Celebrity Island since they always need a doctor. Dr Dawn has gone on though. It didn't take long before she was letting them drink salt water and then they got ill. :doh::roflmao:

I'm sure your GP can dish you out some Diazepam for it. The give them out for flights and I think dental appointments so I would imagine this would be considered the same...if common sense prevails.

When my anxiety was going full throttle towards a relapse I was counting backwards from 100. It did help. I think it's all about just focussing on something so your mind is allowed to have as much brain power to focus on the symptoms. A bit like the finite RAM memory in computers, I guess.

There are acupressure points that help too. There are diagrams & vids online that show various points you can use for different things. Because I was getting the nausea back heading up to the relapse, I looked for points to address that.

I found doing that whilst the counting did help me. It did get to the point where it helped less and panic was coming more often but for weeks it certainly was helping bring me down off the ceiling.

Anxiety in exposure is supposed to naturally reduce after about 20-30 mins. I think when anxiety is really high, that's a non starter for many of us, but I reckon that's probably more when the anxiety is fever pitch 24-7. So, if you are on top of it a lot, hopefully it will naturally subside a bit and with doing things to change your focus/distract you, hopefully it will all add up.

Carnation will know this, I think I've heard filling your mind is more effective when it's about things you enjoy/love? If so, didn't Gill say there are hundreds of breeds of guinea pigs? Get naming!:yesyes:

pulisa

06-10-16, 12:38

I tend to just go for the crossbreed guinea pig so am not up to scratch re show- quality cavies so may be struggling with that one, Terry! It's a good suggestion though. Maybe I could name as many Crystal Palace goalscorers over the years as possible but that probably wouldn't take me very long...

Anyway, I have been given conflicting advice about the preparation for the MRI (no food or drink for 4 hours beforehand v normal diet/no prep needed) so maybe the length of time is wrong too? I can always hope..

Carnation

06-10-16, 16:59

Good Luck for tomorrow Pulisa.

We both know it's the run up to the day and first initial moments that are the most fearful. I know you are brave, but I know you are delicate too, but keep strong and focused and you will be fine. x

Carnation

07-10-16, 16:11

Hope you got on ok today. x

pulisa

07-10-16, 16:53

I'm back in one piece and thank you all for your support and kindness. I must have spent about 50 mins in the scanner but the diazepam certainly helped. So pleased to have got it out the way and I'm hoping that the MRI will have revealed the reason for the constant pain. I know it's not psychosomatic but will have to see what the verdict is.

Thank you all again xxx

Carrie8484

07-10-16, 20:57

Really pleased the scan is over and done with Pulisa. xx
Glad the diazepam gave you a helping hand and hopefully you can relax a little tonight knowing its out of the way.
I'm sure this will help you get some answers very soon on how to alleviate the symptoms, it can feel like we are wading through treacle trying to get the outcome and answers we need when when we are in constant pain and discomfort and are having to got through all these procedures.

You deserve to put you feet up and i do hope you manage to have a relaxing weekend xxx

dale12345

07-10-16, 21:52

Good luck

Mercime

07-10-16, 23:58

LittleMissAlone

08-10-16, 04:55

Well done Pulisa! :flowers:

Don't know why they would say 100 mins when more like 50, but ours is not to reason why. And good call with the diazepam. For once a genuinely good reason to have the extra assistance. Xxx

dally

08-10-16, 05:33

Pulisa
I was caught up in my own into hospital op drama and you unfailingly supported me throughout this. I am so humbled and grateful to you for this support when I have just read of your own health worries.
You give so much support and excellent advice to everyone on here.
Thank you.

I know you don't like taking meds. But like me, Valium does help in emergencies.

I'm glad you've already been and gone and done it! Eventually We just have to bite the bullet. The anticipatory anxiety is horrendous. And as you say, sometimes we have to go with our instincts and act when we just know the symptoms are not psychosomatic.

I also agree about not giving 'anxiety' as possible cause of illness to gps. But at any investigatory stage I would tell the medical staff of my anxiety in the hope they would be more understanding and helpful at that time

MyNameIsTerry

08-10-16, 07:08

Glad to hear you got through it...not that I ever doubted it anyway! :biggrin: And you haven't mentioned any bruising to your knuckles so Jessen obviously didn't show up in the end either! :roflmao:

There's nothing wrong with using a bit of Diazepam to get through something so hard, you can't be Superwoman all the time! :notworthy:

Will you listen to Carrie and put your feet up for a bit? Or are you back in mum mode ruling the roost? :biggrin: Try and get some time to relax though, eh?

Where do you go from here then? Is that expected to give them all they need to start some treatment at last?

flipp

08-10-16, 07:18

:hugs:.For you my friend,hope you are taking care of yourself.

A strong woman is not the one who does not cry,a strong woman is the one who cries and sheds tears for a moment,t hen gets up to fight again.

Karina Xxx.:hugs:.

pulisa

08-10-16, 08:54

Compared to what FMP is going through my own issues are pathetic but you have all been really kind and I do thank you all so much xxx

LittleMissAlone

08-10-16, 09:22

We can all think there's someone worse off than ourselves, and there always is, it's true. But when you're in it yourself and are saddled with an anxiety disorder, sometimes knowing that doesn't really help. So what you're going through is in no way pathetic.

I would imagine if its something to worry about they'll let you know really quickly, but if not it may take 2-3 weeks. That's just a guess, though I still think it's a manifestation of the last couple of years catching up with you. You're allowed to wallow! Xxx

Carnation

08-10-16, 11:44

Pulisa, do you know when you will get the results?

A strong woman is not the one who does not cry, a strong woman is the one who cries and sheds tears for a moment, then gets up to fight again.

Hey, flip. love that quote.

pulisa

08-10-16, 14:09

I hope the results take ages as this will be a good sign!

Magic

08-10-16, 14:15

All the best pulisa:bighug1:

swgrl09

08-10-16, 14:17

Positive thoughts and hoping for good results :hugs:

MyNameIsTerry

10-10-16, 04:52

Compared to what FMP is going through my own issues are pathetic but you have all been really kind and I do thank you all so much xxx

I agree with LMA.

Thinking of others in this way just shows you are a caring person. Given you put your anxiety on hold so much for your family, we already knew you were.

But we can still care without needing to let guilt creep in when it comes to those worse off. If we didn't, I don't think anyone could live on this planet in privileged country like ours.

This thread was raised by Karina who felt the need to give you support back. You have plenty of posts for the very same reason. You are one of the community regulars and spend more time helping others than talking about yourself and so it's natural others feel the need to support you too when those times come. I think that shows good community spirit. It doesn't take anything away from the worse situations of others and support is there for him too by many people, yourself included so he wouldn't feel that you weren't entitled to the same support you give everyone else.

pulisa

10-10-16, 10:57

Thank you, Terry. I am sincerely grateful for people who have more than enough troubles of their own taking the time to give me support. I find it hard to talk about my own issues and this probably works against me HA-wise as internalised anxiety manifests in physical pain for me.

I'm facing my fears with this one and having the necessary tests and I'm sure will be told that this pain is a psychosomatic one. It's so humiliating though when the doctor just puts it all down to "anxiety" when the pain is so real and constant. Still, much better that than organic disease.

Warm wishes and grateful thanks to all xx

LittleMissAlone

10-10-16, 11:05

Yeah, that organic disease sounds even more sucky than psychosomatic pain, Pulisa. But knowledge is power and just knowing will ease it up, I bet. Xxx

Carnation

10-10-16, 19:35

Sometimes I think I am wearing a bunch a knives!
Excruciating pain and for no reason???? :shrug:
Take yesterday, severe pain in my foot, could barely walk; today it's fine???

My therapist said that pain manifests when we carry trauma, worry, sadness, even guilt.

A good dose of Judge Rinder on Strictly Come Dancing is good a tonic as any. :D

pulisa

18-10-16, 12:21

I see the Consultant for my MRI results on Friday. I'm sure I would have been contacted by now if anything serious had shown up but the stress of the tests has really ramped up my agitation so I've got to get a hold on that before my appointment. I'm strangely not worried about the results, more that this wretched agitation has taken a firm grip again. It's hard to look after my family when I've got the concentration of a goldfish:D

Carnation

18-10-16, 12:32

You'll have to keep you mind busy until then Pulisa.
Have you got any cupboards to clear out or something like that, so it keeps you mind and your hands busy? It's not nice waiting, but at least you will have some idea on Friday. x

pulisa

18-10-16, 13:37

I think the problem is that my mind is too busy. It'll pass but thanks anyway x

swgrl09

18-10-16, 20:34

Oh I know the feeling of a busy mind ... been tapering off my meds (preparation for trying for a baby) and my mind has been super busy and agitated too. I hope you get some answers Friday that can lead to some relief for you, Pulisa. You deserve it!

---------- Post added at 15:34 ---------- Previous post was at 15:34 ----------

I find that some aromatherapy or candles helps calm my mind, as does yoga. Just a thought :hugs:

MyNameIsTerry

19-10-16, 08:13

They definitely would have contacted you, you know this and you tell lots of others the same so anything thoughts to the opposite are just anxiety playing their games with you.

Agitation is a tough one, I can't say I've worked it out either yet. I do find some exercise helps with it, at least it burns off the adrenaline, and keeping busy helps too as I find getting my head stuck into something for at least an hour can mean I find it has decreased on it's own. At the worst though, nothing ever helped, it was just the stage I was in.

I hope you find something to help you through the waiting time. It might decrease naturally after then as the subconscious has less to kick off about!

Just do the best you can. I know your family situation doesn't allow for much of an error margin so write stuff down if it helps you keep on track.

---------- Post added at 08:13 ---------- Previous post was at 08:10 ----------

Oh I know the feeling of a busy mind ... been tapering off my meds (preparation for trying for a baby) and my mind has been super busy and agitated too.

Good luck with this, swgrl...that sounds a bit weird wishing someone "all the best" with preparation for pregnancy! :blush:

I remember a bloke I was working with on a project who was having IVF with his wife. He had to cancel a meeting with me because it was, err, time for a bit of :whistles: per the schedule. Luckily he was a contractor so didn't have a boss to arrange his time off with. I was amazed with myself after for not saying anything dodgy! :noangel::D

pulisa

19-10-16, 08:34

Thanks, Terry. I'm at that "stage"-I'll say no more because you know what it's like but it will pass. I'm not at all worried about Friday-just wanted to update.

It'll be an exciting time for you, swgrl09, but withdrawing from meds is far from easy and it's a challenge coping with the fallout but you sound as if you have some natural remedies. I use candles but have never done yoga. I know it's a huge help and a great discipline to learn but have never been able to get to a class.

Carnation

19-10-16, 10:01

Pulisa, I do yoga at home. I found some great apps to follow and if you search for the gentle/beginners/relaxation/de-stress ones, you basically just lie down for the duration, breath a lot and do gentle stretching exercises. I use them for when I am home alone too and you know what that is like for me. :scared15: I'm getting better though.

I think if you are tied to the house a lot as I am too, your anxiety can be worse.
The safe haven of the house, can also be your prison at times and even more so if you are alone. That's why I have the radio on, the TV on and the company of the forum. x

flipp

19-10-16, 10:35

Hi pulisa, I know you will get good news on Friday I will be thinking of you. I know all about being agitated.:hugs:Xx.

swgrl09

19-10-16, 12:12

Thanks for all the well-wishes! Not trying to think too much about it or I'll get anxious :roflmao: But anyway ... Pulisa I do most of my yoga at home. There are great videos on Youtube - I like "Yoga with Adriene" because she has a variety of beginner/anxiety/calming videos on top of some more intense ones too. I have done some public classes, but only after doing it at home for some time. I still prefer doing it at home at the end of the day to unwind or in the morning on the weekends, especially if I'm achy or tired.

Magic

19-10-16, 12:20

All the best pulisa:hugs:x

Carnation

21-10-16, 10:25

Sending you positive thoughts Pulisa for today. x

brucealmighty

21-10-16, 10:37

same here, best of luck. you give out so much support on here to people including me its time some was fired back. big love pal.

Elen

21-10-16, 10:40

Thinking of you x

Carrie8484

21-10-16, 10:44

Lots of luck today Pulisa, thinking of you xx

KeeKee

21-10-16, 10:50

Wishing you luck today

flipp

21-10-16, 11:15

Thinking of You..xxx:hugs:.

MyNameIsTerry

21-10-16, 11:39

I have a lot of faith in your strength, regardless of you downplaying it, so I know you will get through it but you're always still entitled to one of these :hugs:

swgrl09

21-10-16, 12:22

Good luck :hugs::hugs::hugs:

pulisa

21-10-16, 13:01

I'm really grateful for all the luuurve....

Got back a short while ago. The MRI showed no organic disease which was great news. The consultant reckons it's neuropathic issues causing the pain and he's prescribed me prucalopride which will help my bowel work better. I've had bowel problems for years since having major surgery when my daughter was born.

I'll give this new med a go and then if there is no change I've got to go back and try some different neuropathic drug (not amitryptiline).

Thank you all so much for your support. I really, really appreciate it xxx

Carnation

21-10-16, 15:55

:yesyes: ~Great news Pulisa.

I know you still have the pain issue, but what a relief it is nothing nasty. x

KeeKee

21-10-16, 18:08

That's good to hear. I hope you manege to somehow get your pain under control

You seem like a very strong and patient individual.

swgrl09

22-10-16, 01:45

Glad it is nothing serious, hope this new medication brings some relief :hugs:

MyNameIsTerry

22-10-16, 06:23

That's good news, pulisa! :yesyes: And they didn't put it down to anything anxiety related.

Hopefully this med will do the trick.

Some of the neuropathic meds are also anxiety meds, like the Amit, and my Duloxetine is one. I think I know you will want to avoid that route until it's absolutely necessary for obvious reasons and I wouldn't blame you. My dad has problems with his neck and the first thing his GP offered was a low dose med and when he got home he read the instructions to find it was an antidepressant and with him having depression over 40 years ago, he didn't want to run the risk of anything that could go back there...