Loneliness is killing me.

[mrjonesmcr]

I’ve never had that one true friend. 27 years and I’ve not managed it once. At best I’ve had acquaintances, those who hang out with you purely you know one or two people in the same group, basically everything but a true connection.

As a person, I’m not demanding and fussy. Okay, that’s a lie, I am a little bit (aren’t we all?), but I don’t ask for a great deal in the grand scheme of things. If you’re a person who is happy to flip from the serious to the frivolous in a conversation, I’ll probably get along just fine with you. And honestly, liking sports and a beer or two won’t hurt your chances either. But I’ve never had the one connection I’ve wanted more than anything, and I fear time is running out for it to happen. I’ve tried everything without any luck.

I suppose you either become ultraindependent and don’t need anyone (at least so you say) or you become clingy and desperate to adapt for the people you want to befriend, and I’ve been guilty of both in the past. I accept in life you can’t and won’t please everyone, but when you’ve spent most of your life feeling lonely, logic goes out the window and you feel this need to be liked by everyone.

I am hopefully starting therapy soon, once my GP gets a grip, but I feel it's too late for any meaningful benefits.

Despite all this, I would take crippling loneliness over something that is shallow and meaningless. I would rather be lonely for the reminder of my days than handle that again.

[cjemc]

I feel the same, never had a girlfriend and absolutely no friendship(s)
I am 28 and am losing the will to live.

[Sam Winter]

Hi there! x.
i know how you feel but rest assured it is never too late for any meaningful benefits from therapy, if you ever need someone to talk just send me message :hugs:

[Shezney]

It's never too late to make friends, once you're feeling better it'll get easier. There are many people on this site that feel the same so you're not alone

[SLA]

Great advice. You past does not dictate your future.

New friendships often start out being shallow and meaningless. Who ever dived straight into a deep friendship with someone?

So if you are actively avoiding those kind of relationships, you will almost never make friends.

Time to start embracing shallow and meaningless friendships, because that is how things start.

The obstacle is the way!

[mrjonesmcr]

It's never too late to make friends, once you're feeling better it'll get easier. There are many people on this site that feel the same so you're not alone

It feels like it's too late, at least to make a proper friendship. And whilst it's nice to know there are people here, it's still kind of hollow, I've done the whole online friendship thing and it's not the same! I think I need actual friends in my area too. In fact, I know I need them.

---------- Post added at 19:23 ---------- Previous post was at 19:17 ----------


Great advice. You past does not dictate your future.

New friendships often start out being shallow and meaningless. Who ever dived straight into a deep friendship with someone?

So if you are actively avoiding those kind of relationships, you will almost never make friends.

Time to start embracing shallow and meaningless friendships, because that is how things start.

The obstacle is the way!

It feels like it though.

These relationships I've been avoiding, they're definitely shallow and have zero potential to progress, and I'd only be more lonely if I took your advice completely and continued to pursue them. If there was a little potential, I could be patient and see what happens, but the ones I've had lately haven't, they've been extremely demoralising.

[SLA]

They are only demoralising if you let them be. You choose your reaction to these situations, not anybody else.

Some people you meet will be boring *******s. That's life.

If you want meaningful relationships you have to be persistent, and work at it. They don't fall into your lap. (And the ones that do you have to pay for. :D)

Maybe you don't actually want them?

[mrjonesmcr]

They are only demoralising if you let them be. You choose your reaction to these situations, not anybody else.

Some people you meet will be boring *******s. That's life.

If you want meaningful relationships you have to be persistent, and work at it. They don't fall into your lap. (And the ones that do you have to pay for. :D)

Maybe you don't actually want them?

I'm great at meeting the boring ****ers though. That's the problem. My efforts over the years aren't being rewarded in any way. I'm happy to be persistent and work for things, but naturally you want some reward for your effort, it's human nature. And each rejection kills your confidence, it makes you low and incredibly self-conscious. I accept you can't please everyone in life, but I can't please anyone it seems and that hurts a great deal. There's only so many times you can get yourself together and try again.

But that's my perspective, it's clearly different to yours and that's fine, I respect it.

[SLA]

Our perspectives are only different because you have been through your life, and I haven't. :D

If I had been through the same rejections, I'd probably feel the same.

But you have two options. Accept that the past hasnt worked, and give up. Or accept the past, up your game, and keep trying.

I appreciate that its easy for me to sit here and say that, when I only have a fraction of the picture.

Where are you roughly just out of interest?

I just checked out your instagram and the shots of Peroni, Cats, Bowie, N64s etc... YOU ARE AWESOME!!

Relationships are a numbers game.

I'm not an expert. I've had one serious relationship where I (probably) ended up marrying the wrong person, and had two kids.

As I write this I am sitting next to my mum drinking Rose wine.

Very few people master relationships. But the key is in persistence and mastering your side of the bargain.

I've no idea where i'm going with this... :D

[dally]

You have to be pro active. There are others lonely just like you.
Join another internet group. There is a fabulous site called meetup. Which will have a group in your area, and wide range of interests.

[mrjonesmcr]

You have to be pro active. There are others lonely just like you.
Join another internet group. There is a fabulous site called meetup. Which will have a group in your area, and wide range of interests.

Oh god, I tried MeetUp once, big mistake! I still have nightmares about it.

---------- Post added at 13:36 ---------- Previous post was at 13:16 ----------


Our perspectives are only different because you have been through your life, and I haven't. :D

If I had been through the same rejections, I'd probably feel the same.

But you have two options. Accept that the past hasnt worked, and give up. Or accept the past, up your game, and keep trying.

I appreciate that its easy for me to sit here and say that, when I only have a fraction of the picture.

Where are you roughly just out of interest?

I just checked out your instagram and the shots of Peroni, Cats, Bowie, N64s etc... YOU ARE AWESOME!!

Relationships are a numbers game.

I'm not an expert. I've had one serious relationship where I (probably) ended up marrying the wrong person, and had two kids.

As I write this I am sitting next to my mum drinking Rose wine.

Very few people master relationships. But the key is in persistence and mastering your side of the bargain.

I've no idea where i'm going with this... :D

In the old days, I could get up and try again. If that rejection stung me, I managed to retain hope, regardless of how futile it was. If I met one great person who actually wanted to get to know me, it would be a confidence boost. I also think my age contributes to this, knowing that by most of the people I come across are more focused on settling down or already have their friends for life. Maybe that's not the case, but it's how it looks.

Well, your kind words are appreciated, thank you. And I am in Manchester by the way. :)

And don't worry, I think I have an idea of where you were going with that. As for the comment that very few master relationships, it's something I'd like to believe, but I get the impression it's more than just a few. But I will stress that's just the impression I get, I accept it might be wrong.

[Carrie8484]

I've had a little look at your Instagram pics, and you seem like a fun and interesting person. You like cats, cafes and real ale and that's all good in my book! I know manchester pretty well, I worked there for 7 years and lived there for 5. It isn't an easy place to make friends though. The northern quarter is very cool but most people who hang out there are pretty stuck up :-/
I know you said you didn't enjoy meet up but I found it really useful when I really wanted to connect with people. The first couple of times I went I felt disheartened as I didn't connect with anyone but I persevered and I met a couple of really good people through that site. I still see 4 or 5 people I met on there.
You could use it to find people to go to gigs with? Or to join a 5 a side team or another sporty team if you don't like football.
I'm naturally pretty anti social , I don't like groups, I like staying in versus going out, but I do like cafes and quirky little shops and those are in abundance in Manchester.
What do you do for work? Is there anyone there you can deepen your friendship with as a starting point?

[mrjonesmcr]

I've had a little look at your Instagram pics, and you seem like a fun and interesting person. You like cats, cafes and real ale and that's all good in my book! I know manchester pretty well, I worked there for 7 years and lived there for 5. It isn't an easy place to make friends though. The northern quarter is very cool but most people who hang out there are pretty stuck up :-/
I know you said you didn't enjoy meet up but I found it really useful when I really wanted to connect with people. The first couple of times I went I felt disheartened as I didn't connect with anyone but I persevered and I met a couple of really good people through that site. I still see 4 or 5 people I met on there.
You could use it to find people to go to gigs with? Or to join a 5 a side team or another sporty team if you don't like football.
I'm naturally pretty anti social , I don't like groups, I like staying in versus going out, but I do like cafes and quirky little shops and those are in abundance in Manchester.
What do you do for work? Is there anyone there you can deepen your friendship with as a starting point?

Thank you for your kind words. :) and no, it isn't easy to make friends here. I know people boast about how friendly people in Manchester are, but I don't buy it. I've lived here most of my life and I've never got that vibe.

I went on meetup events three times. One I was just too nervous to fully get into, the second was a disaster, but I thought it couldn't have been that bad again, but then the third time was just the same. It doesn't help that I'm not great at meeting large crowds all in one go. I'd prefer to meet one or two people straight away and meet a few more in time. I'm not comfortable with crowds at all.

Right now, I am volunteering at a charity shop. the people I work are pleasant but not really friend material. Whilst I enjoy working with them immensely, I'm not sure there's anything to expand upon.