Really struggling to cope..

[Cpt Spectacular]

Hi all,

I'm so glad I found somewhere to post my thoughts and feelings where I won't be judged. I've had anxiety problems for years but in the last two months it has ramped up since having to take three weeks off work for vertigo. I just can't seem to shake it. I've been on Escitalopram for years (5mg for a year as I was trying to come off it) but my doctor has increased me to 15mg which I've been taking for two weeks now.

My brain is a mess. I can't keep my thoughts in order and I get random, scary, violent thoughts that shock me and frighten me. I get depressed and worry that I'm going to hurt myself or someone I love. I'm struggling through work at the moment but I just don't have the motivation to do very much. I haven't done any of the hobbies I used to enjoy in weeks and I feel scared when I think about trying them again (no idea why).

I gave up smoking nearly 3 months ago and am wondering if that's contributed. It's certainly more difficult to cope without cigarettes even though I still use nicotine lozenges.

I've started CBT but I've only had 3 sessions and it''s still early days.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm trying to wait for the medication to kick in properly and for the therapy to start working but it's so hard. I just want to feel normal again :(.

[SLA]

Man, i'm so glad you posted here. What you describe sounds so familiar to my situation 8 years ago. I found NMP back then too, and it helped me.

Regarding the scary/intrusive thoughts, they are normal, and can be beaten.

I wrote an article on my experiences here:
http://www.startinglifeagain.com/2016/09/26/3-steps-to-beating-intrusivenegative-thoughts/

There is a way out, and you have already taken a great step in getting better.

Drop me a line if you want to talk more sometime.

[Cpt Spectacular]

Thank you so much for replying. It's always comforting to know you're not alone. I read your article and I will certainly try to implement that when these thoughts arise!

I just want the old me back. I don't even recognise the person I am now.

[SLA]

One day you'll look back on these days with a weird appreciation for what you are going through. Because it will be the making of you as a person.

Sometimes we have to go through this s**t to really discover ourselves. It's all part of the human experience.

If the medication is making things worse, then book into your GP again, or mention it the next time you visit.

Don't try and fight the anxiety, that will just compound it. Be with it, and just let it run its course.

Easier said than done, but with regular practice, it slowly loses its grip.

[Buster70]

Hi , all of the things you've said thought at some point over the years and many more , the intrusive thoughts used to scare the hell out of me that I might hurt somone close to me or just a random person , the fact it scares you means you don't want to carry it out , I get them a lot less now and I just brush them off as just a thought , I've just done cbt and it does help put things in perspective , you are not alone and I find in the dark times it does help to right it down on here to off load a bit , take care .