Really depressed and struggling to cope.

[louise0501]

Hello. I am a right state at the moment and feel so depressed. I am constantly thinking about cancer, it seems to be everywhere, on the news, facebook. I just cant cope anymore. I have a 3 year old son as well and feel im a bad mother as im just focusing on this and i get so depressed. Also 2 of my dads friends have cancer and my dads cousin has just been diagnosed. Does anyone have any advice in dealing with these difficult thoughts? I just feel so down and im constantly crying. Also im always worrying about my parents as they are in there late 50s now.

Please reply
Love louise xxxxxxxxxx

[SLA]

Hi Louise, sorry to hear you're going through a bad time.

Cancer is a concern for most people, because it is so prevalent, and noticeable in society. We all know of people affected by it, and people who sadly succumb to it.

All you need to do is accept that it does exist, and that some people get it. All the time you worry and stress over it, it doesn't make the problem go away. All of this mental energy you are using isn't stopping cancer from existing.

So try and find some peace, knowing that things in the present moment are good.

You have to give yourself a break from the worry cycle. Even if it is only for short periods of time.

[ServerError]

Hi Louise,

Sorry to hear you're struggling with these feelings. Many people go through this, and it's common to be triggered by everything from the suffering of people we know to things we see on TV or wherever. I've been where you are. I wasn't worried about a specific disease, but went through a period of obsessing over death, the point of existence, the point of me and I also worried about my parents, who are both in their 60s now (as it happens, I've never seen them happier).

The good news is that you can get out of this thought pattern. The bad news is that there are no quick fixes. Based largely on my own experience, here's what I feel you should do:

Firstly, you have to accept that these are with you for the time being. Nothing you do will make them go away immediately. But you can begin to lessen their hold over you by not getting so mixed up in them. Just allow your thoughts to come and go as they please. They don't define you, and just because you think something doesn't make it true. I don't believe in thought suppression. I think it just makes things worse, and I don't believe it's even possible to suppress thoughts. So, for now, try to learn to live with this thinking pattern, but try to detach yourself from it. It's easy, but it is something everybody has within them to do.

Try to rationalise where possible. If you're lumbered with thoughts about cancer, remember that, although cancer is relatively common, most people don't get it. No matter what the TV says or what your dad's friends have to face, there is nothing right now, in this moment, that means you are anyone you care about is destined to get cancer. And even if you do, there are many types, some of which are, in the right circumstances, treatable. Cancer is not always a death sentence. Realising this certainly helped me worry less about that particular disease.

I would suggest, if you're not doing so already, you seek therapy. If you have depression, and it sounds like you could, you should be treated anyway. I had depression for a decade without telling a soul. I ended up having a breakdown. I'm not saying that will happen to you - it probably won't. But what I'm saying is that depression and upsetting patterns and behaviours of thought can get worse if we don't treat them. And depression is so very treatable. Therapy is something you should consider, and maybe medication, which I know can sound scary, but can be very helpful - in some cases, including my own, lifesaving.

Beyond that, I'm afraid nobody can provide you with the absolute certainty that nothing bad will ever happen. That's something that therapy can help you make peace with. But try not to live so relentlessly in the future. By all means make plans, but don't waste the life you have right now worrying about what might come in the future. I've had some pretty deep conversations with my parents about getting older and they basically both feel the same way: being 60+ isn't as bad as they expected, and it would be a waste of your youth to worry about it. My dad, in particular, has never seemed more relaxed about the all the big and small things of life.

Sorry to talk so much about me. I often reach into my own experience when trying to help others. The things to remember: don't fight your thoughts, don't listen so intently to your thoughts, don't always believe your thoughts, try to apply rationality to your fears, seek all the help for the condition you do have that you can get.

Hope you find this in any way helpful