Anger, a rocket fuel and a poison.

[ankietyjoe]

Due to prolonged stress and dealing with greedy *******s (legal issue with my property due to incompetent solicitors) I find myself with barely contained rage. My partner nearly died during labour in 2014 and I sat there watching it. This brought up abuse she suffered as a child meaning she's been suffering horrendous bouts of PTSD with flashbacks, hearing voices etc. It's cost nearly £70k to fix the legal issue and took 4 years of my life. I won't see the time or money back, ever.

We have had a couple of instances of noisy neighbours, although in reality it's not THAT bad.

I am getting unbelievably angry about such occurrences, with accompanying dark thoughts of retribution and violence. Now this won't go anywhere as I'm well aware of the consequences of acting on such thoughts, not least for my children. Daddy won't get himself into any trouble.

I don't know how to deal with this though.

The stresses of the last 3-4 years have taken a toll on me physically. I have suffered enormous fatigue and several bouts of tachycardia. This means that I'm well aware that I probably couldn't 'do anything' even if I wanted to. I don't want to, but I think about it. I think about it and then I feel anxious, my heart races etc etc blah blah. But the rage is addictive. Night time anxiety has been ruthless, but I can cope with that. I have tools to deal with the anxiety and they work.

I meditate to try and let things go, but it's as if something actually wants me to be angry, like I don't have a choice.

Does this ring a bell with anybody? How do I let this self hurting crap go? :wacko:

[dally]

You need to vent all these past worries, emotions and feelings.
Can you get counselling on the NHS.?
And as you say you have means to deal with the anxiety. But excercise does help.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
The noisy neighbours, as you say, are not that bad, but it must seem like a torturous dripping tap.

[ankietyjoe]

You need to vent all these past worries, emotions and feelings.
Can you get counselling on the NHS.?
And as you say you have means to deal with the anxiety. But excercise does help.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
The noisy neighbours, as you say, are not that bad, but it must seem like a torturous dripping tap.

The NHS have been utterly useless.

I have been promised a carers assessment for nearly 8 months, by three different people (who were all 'going to sort it out').

2 weeks ago we had a visit from a social worker as they like to visit my partner regularly. I was told the carers assessment was cancelled on my request. Suffice to say I made no such request.

Exercise is difficult because of the fatigue. I have been told by my partners ex counsellor that she's 99% sure it's chronic fatigue caused by prolonged severe stress, but the NHS won't even recognise it because that means they have to treat it. She suggested I find a private therapist and nutritionist. Sure I said, we've lost 70 grand already so we have money to spend on that.

But anyway, I appreciate your words. I think I need to find a therapist no matter what.

[Lucinda07]

Very sorry to hear about your horrendous experiences. I can only offer the following suggestions.
Have you tried gentle exercise such as yoga, tai chi (libraries sometimes have DVDs)?
If one has limited finances, some therapists will charge a reduced rate. Sometimes free counselling is available from trainees.
As regards the angry feelings - writing things down in a journal may help or even drawing things (doesn't have to be "good" as its a release for the resentment). Hope your luck changes soon.

[SLA]

The thoughts of violence stem from your ego. That instictual, slightly-outdated, monkey part of the brain that we all have.

You have already disassociated yourself from the thoughts. You know they are just thoughts, and you'd never act them out.

So take away the power of these thoughts by not adding any extra stress to them when they arise.

They have no value and are only dragging you down.

And if it's any consolation, I have wanted to throttle my neighbours on numerous occasions this year.

[ankietyjoe]

Very sorry to hear about your horrendous experiences. I can only offer the following suggestions.
Have you tried gentle exercise such as yoga, tai chi (libraries sometimes have DVDs)?
If one has limited finances, some therapists will charge a reduced rate. Sometimes free counselling is available from trainees.
As regards the angry feelings - writing things down in a journal may help or even drawing things (doesn't have to be "good" as its a release for the resentment). Hope your luck changes soon.

Thanks for the suggestions. I've been looking into Yoga recently, or rather the older more traditional style which is far less 'bendy' (I'm not built for bending).

I think I'll just find the money for proper therapy, I've waited for the NHS to sort it out for too long.


The thoughts of violence stem from your ego. That instictual, slightly-outdated, monkey part of the brain that we all have.

You have already disassociated yourself from the thoughts. You know they are just thoughts, and you'd never act them out.

So take away the power of these thoughts by not adding any extra stress to them when they arise.

They have no value and are only dragging you down.

And if it's any consolation, I have wanted to throttle my neighbours on numerous occasions this year.

I'm aware of the science, but that doesn't seem to help! :lac:

I'll admit my neighbours aren't really that bad. It's a once a month occurrence of them being noisy when they come home late at night for 10 minutes or so. The problem is me. Things have built up over the years and now my anger thought response is dark, violent and invasive. Very, very violent.

I have historically been 'action oriented'. I crave peace and harmony, but I've always switched on very fast to threat. I once found two guys in my flat many years ago, stealing my things. Ultimately I received a warning from the police for 'dealing with them'. I think that years of anxiety, depression and stress have put me in a position where those tools have been taken away from me and therefore the fear level increases. That's just a little bit of self analysis though so I could be wrong.

I came across an interesting video by Eckhart Tolle suggesting that mindful observation is a good way to deal with the anger. It's a technique I successfully used almost completely eradicate my anxiety so I'll give that a try.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqX5IFKYFWk