Anxious about a day trip to London...

[Valamist]

Hi all, new here so I am sorry if this ramble is not in the right place/to self indulgent!

So long story short I have always suffered from anxiety (Perhaps thanks to my Asperger Syndrome), and a few years ago had something akin to a major breakdown thanks to OCD and intrusive thoughts. My doctor referred me to a mental health team, who helped and taught me about CBT.

Since then my confidence has increased a lot. I am going to a writers club every two weeks, and I am actually making an effort to get out there. I feel stronger, more myself, and have even been to London on two separate day trips to Doctor Who conventions! Which brings me to my current predicament...

I am scheduled to go to London again on the 29th. They have a Comic Con, so me and my mum decided to get tickets and have a day trip at this Con. We are catching a train down in the morning and back again. Said journey is around 3 hours long each way, and its a simple enough journey on the underground to the Con itself. Now I was fine until a few days ago when my mind became determined to find ways for my anxiety to flare up. At first it was the idea that I may miss my train home and be stuck in London (Which is silly, as the event ends at 6:00 latest and the last train home leaves at 8:20!) now it has more evolved into the fear of being so far away from home, the notion that I will be too anxious to enjoy myself and the idea that perhaps I simply do not want to go? (A notion which has not poped up once before!)

I have been trying to think positive, remind myself just how strong and brave I have become over the last year or so. I am trying to ignor the rumination that has been appearing, such as counting how many days I have until the trip etc. I have also planned what to do if I miss that last train (Basically catch another that is close to home, and then have someone pick us up!) I know its all silly, but it always surprises me just how evil my brain can be! I should be excited! People would be jumping for joy and going without a care in the world! I have been so proud of my journey so far, I do not want to stumble and fall now.

[Lady Penelope]

I had a similar problem recently. My daughter had booked tickets for a show in London for Mother's Day. As it got closer I got me and more anxious. I did not really feel I could opt out so knew I had to go and I thought if I opted out that would be such a backward step.
Anyway I went and felt anxious all the way up there and for the first half of the show. I practised silently deep breathing to get me though. Once I got to the internval I felt a bit more relaxed and enjoyed the second half the show. I was so pleased with myself that I had managed to do it that I was even persuaded to get on the underground to get a tube back to the mainline station - and I NEVER go on the tube!. Was such a powerful sense of achievement when I got home that I had managed it. I did not enjoy the show as I would have once done because of the anxiety but I went and did it. I am more frightened about giving in to this things than doing them I suppose because I worry if I give in and don't go where will I end up?
Good luck to you at hope you manage to go. Try some meditation before you go and lots of deep breathing. I find rescue remedy spray very good also.

[pulisa]

I have two adult children with ASD so I know how anxiety can play havoc with things you are meant to be looking forward to and how catastrophising and anticipatory anxiety can all conspire to try to sabotage your plans. I have an anxiety disorder myself so can quite understand how you are feeling. The build up to your Big Day will be hard and you will find yourself imagining all sorts of things which could go wrong but in all likelihood they won't and you and your Mum will have a wonderful experience at the Con and a great day out.

It's important to get out there and mix with others who share your special interests. My daughter feels very isolated and doesn't feel she knows where she "fits in" in the world. I go with her to various events where she can meet people who share her interests and it does make her feel better about her situation. Her anticipatory anxiety is always through the roof but we think about "contingency plans" should they be needed and once we are on our way the anxiety does abate a bit..

It's not easy for you but I truly hope you have a wonderful day and can tell us all about it afterwards!

[Valamist]

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement!

I am feeling better about the whole 'train' thingy, trying to look at it as a positive thing. The day is planned out, and the routine seems safe a simple (Catch the train, take the underground to the event, catch the underground again and then board the train home!) and we have made a plan encase we miss the final direct train home.

At the moment my anxiety seems to be a bit up and down. Its true what they say, its the waiting and counting the days until the event that is the worst. At times I feel excited about going and having this adventure, but then there are times I just want to cancel the whole thing. My mind is simply telling me 'Oh, you are going to be so far from home! Stuck from you bed, your games!' (Even though Somerset & London do not seem as far away as my mind keeps making out...) It does not help that a friend on Twitter was saying yesterday how he thinks its sensible to give into anxiety should and how its a warning that you are in danger etc. It surprised me, as it seemed to fly in the face of everything I had read about coping with anxiety.

I am just trying to keep my mind occupied with other things. I think I really do want to go. Since having my little breakdown a few years now I have been really improving myself, trying to get out there and live my life the best I can. I totally understand what you daughter is going through pulisa and I hope she feels more confidant in time.

Anyway, thanks again and I do hope on October 30th I can come on and say how great a day I had.

[randomforeigner]

You will probably have a great day. Take many pictures so you can remember how well it all went.

I have some issues on a similar note, except you've got to replace 'train' by 'plane'. I've had this issue since around 1998. For a long while I could save my pride by claiming that the excruciating exchange rates made it impossible to travel to London from abroad, but since the £ slumped not so anymore. And for years I got off the hook by claiming I had a flying phobia preventing me to travel by plane (an odd variant where the outbound flight is the tricky one, but the home-bound not such a big issue). After a recent trip the flying phobia wasn't so severe as I had thought it to be. Being a bit overly anxious I try to think of it as an alarm bell that goes off a little bit at random without cause, and one simply has to ignore it. It's like having a badly calibrated seismograph, the needle starts to jump even when there's nothing going on.

[Valamist]

You will probably have a great day. Take many pictures so you can remember how well it all went.

I have some issues on a similar note, except you've got to replace 'train' by 'plane'. I've had this issue since around 1998. For a long while I could save my pride by claiming that the excruciating exchange rates made it impossible to travel to London from abroad, but since the £ slumped not so anymore. And for years I got off the hook by claiming I had a flying phobia preventing me to travel by plane (an odd variant where the outbound flight is the tricky one, but the home-bound not such a big issue). After a recent trip the flying phobia wasn't so severe as I had thought it to be. Being a bit overly anxious I try to think of it as an alarm bell that goes off a little bit at random without cause, and one simply has to ignore it. It's like having a badly calibrated seismograph, the needle starts to jump even when there's nothing going on.

Thanks!

I am feeling a bit better. I think the main problem it spiked this time was that on my Birthday earlier this month I got a bit anxious, as it involved a car journey using a different rote then before. After that Is tarted to get anxious about London, so I think it could be connected.

I feel a little more confidant though. As my mum was saying its actually quiet a chilled journey. Plus some people I am getting friendly with are going to another Comic-Con next year which I would love to go too. Its in Leeds, which is further away then London, but if I can do this in two weeks time, then I can try Leeds next year!

[Valamist]

Sorry if updating this is meh, but I thought I would update this a bit.

So... I did not go to London that day. BUT! It was not because I gave into my anxiety. Both me and my mum caught a flu and decided we would not enjoy it.

Instead, we managed to get a refund on the train tickets and booked a hotel so that for the next comic-con, we can go a day in advance, have a chilled day in London, then go to the con the next day.

Said comic-con is in 40 days time, and to my shame I am getting a little anxious again! The idea that we would book a hotel for the night was so we could go down the day before at midday, and not have to rush for the convention. I think it could help, but it still means we will be in London for an extra day. I am trying to stay positive though! I have a few weeks to psych myself up and try and be brave!