View Full Version : Morbid thoughts, can't accept the inevitable
I'd just like to know if anyone else is the same as me really. For as long as I can remember, even as a child I've had thoughts about my own and families mortality.
The thoughts aren't necessarily triggered by anything, but I get so upset about the inevitable to the point I breakdown, knowing that one day I WILL have to say goodbye to my parents, my partner even is just unthinkable to me that I'd rather go before them. I know everyone cannot bare the thought of losing someone, but it hits a different level with me to the point I become a wreck worrying about how and when(maybe a control thing).
As well as those thoughts I think about my own fate and how my loved ones would cope if something were to happen to me, or how and when I will 'go' scares the crap out of me.
I know it's part of life, it's what happens there's nothing I can do so why worry about it. But that DOESN'T stop these thoughts/feelings, I wish I could accept it somehow and 'come to terms' with what will be.
I'm an empath and an 'emotionally charged' person, I love deeply but also feel pain/hurt deeply.
Anyone?
I'd just like to know if anyone else is the same as me really. For as long as I can remember, even as a child I've had thoughts about my own and families mortality.
The thoughts aren't necessarily triggered by anything, but I get so upset about the inevitable to the point I breakdown, knowing that one day I WILL have to say goodbye to my parents, my partner even is just unthinkable to me that I'd rather go before them. I know everyone cannot bare the thought of losing someone, but it hits a different level with me to the point I become a wreck worrying about how and when(maybe a control thing).
As well as those thoughts I think about my own fate and how my loved ones would cope if something were to happen to me, or how and when I will 'go' scares the crap out of me.
I know it's part of life, it's what happens there's nothing I can do so why worry about it. But that DOESN'T stop these thoughts/feelings, I wish I could accept it somehow and 'come to terms' with what will be.
I'm an empath and an 'emotionally charged' person, I love deeply but also feel pain/hurt deeply.
Anyone?
Having very nearly lost one of my parents recently, take it from me that you are much better served enjoying and savouring every moment you have with them, than you are worrying about a time when you no longer have it.
Life is far far far too short to fear the future. Enjoy the ride, enjoy the good times and even during bad times, remember that good times are never far away.
Having very nearly lost one of my parents recently, take it from me that you are much better served enjoying and savouring every moment you have with them, than you are worrying about a time when you no longer have it.
Life is far far far too short to fear the future. Enjoy the ride, enjoy the good times and even during bad times, remember that good times are never far away.
I know Gary :weep: exactly what my partner says. Fearing the future is something I want to overcome.
I know exactly how you feel.
I am always worried about those days, the thought of losing my girlfriend is enormous in my mind.
Also, being an only child, I am terrified of my parents increasing age.
I used to get this a lot in my teenage years. Not so much lately, but I think that is partly because my mindset has improved.
The best thing you can do to eliminate a fear of the future is to focus on today, and tomorrow.
Enjoy your time today, and make plans for tomorrow, and that is it.
You can deal with difficult situations when they arise. All the thinking in the world won't prevent them or make them easier to deal with.
You are missing so much today, by thinking so far ahead.
Move your focus on to something else whenever you get a chance. Break the cycle of worry.
I know exactly how you feel.
I am always worried about those days, the thought of losing my girlfriend is enormous in my mind.
Also, being an only child, I am terrified of my parents increasing age.
It's terrible isn't it, doesn't bare thinking about but yet it's all I do!
---------- Post added at 19:48 ---------- Previous post was at 19:47 ----------
I used to get this a lot in my teenage years. Not so much lately, but I think that is partly because my mindset has improved.
The best thing you can do to eliminate a fear of the future is to focus on today, and tomorrow.
Enjoy your time today, and make plans for tomorrow, and that is it.
You can deal with difficult situations when they arise. All the thinking in the world won't prevent them or make them easier to deal with.
You are missing so much today, by thinking so far ahead.
Move your focus on to something else whenever you get a chance. Break the cycle of worry.
Very true that's what I have been trying, just distracting myself when I get these thoughts but sometimes it's so overwhelming. I do enjoy my days but they are clouded, often at night, with these thoughts.
MyNameIsTerry
10-10-16, 23:21
It's normal, Katie. Imagine what it could mean about you if you never thought about this?
It's the impact of the thoughts that is the problem. Are these intrusive by any chance?
It's normal, Katie. Imagine what it could mean about you if you never thought about this?
It's the impact of the thoughts that is the problem. Are these intrusive by any chance?
That's a good way of putting it Terry!
I'm not sure, basically I could be sat at home watching a film like last night(Interstellar) .. I was absolutely fine, happy, everything was normal and then the film ended, suddenly the thought came into my head that I will need to say bye to my dad one day, then I see images of his funeral, it's really morbid and I start crying instantly.
I can be fine again within a few minutes, this happens quite a lot I usually talk with my boyfriend about it and calm down.
They can be triggered by things I see/hear but mostly it's just random. Especially at night in bed I find it really hard to get the thoughts to go no matter what I do.
ServerError
10-10-16, 23:40
I would guess from the fact you have a quote by Eckhart Tolle in your signature that you've read The Power of Now and presumably took something from it. I'm reading it at the moment and although I hated it at first, it is starting to resonate with me. He's right, the now really is all we ever have. I completely buy that way of looking at things and it's very helpful to me.
I would guess from the fact you have a quote by Eckhart Tolle in your signature that you've read The Power of Now and presumably took something from it. I'm reading it at the moment and although I hated it at first, it is starting to resonate with me. He's right, the now really is all we ever have. I completely buy that way of looking at things and it's very helpful to me.
Yes I read it about 6 months ago, I'm now reading it again! I struggled with it at first but it really has been an eye opener for me, although I didn't wake up a different person when I'm struggling I think back to parts in the book it helps.
He's spot on I think! "You are not your mind" part was great for me.
ServerError
10-10-16, 23:51
Yes I read it about 6 months ago, I'm now reading it again! I struggled with it at first but it really has been an eye opener for me, although I didn't wake up a different person when I'm struggling I think back to parts in the book it helps.
He's spot on I think! "You are not your mind" part was great for me.
A lot of it feels like psychobabble to me, and at first this really grated with me. But once I got through the first chapter, it seemed to calm down and make a bit more sense.
It's a bit of a frustrating read because of the way he writes. But I definitely buy into the message and take his points on board.
A lot of it feels like psychobabble to me, and at first this really grated with me. But once I got through the first chapter, it seemed to calm down and make a bit more sense.
It's a bit of a frustrating read because of the way he writes. But I definitely buy into the message and take his points on board.
Yep that's how I felt :roflmao: it was a hard read at first but it does get easier.
I've watched a few interviews with him and what he says just 'fits' as if it's something I've knew all along but he's made it come to the surface.
It's not as easy to apply the knowledge though, but I'm so glad I've read it i would definitely recommend the book.
ServerError
11-10-16, 00:00
Yep that's how I felt :roflmao: it was a hard read at first but it does get easier.
I've watched a few interviews with him and what he says just 'fits' as if it's something I've knew all along but he's made it come to the surface.
It's not as easy to apply the knowledge though, but I'm so glad I've read it i would definitely recommend the book.
My personal point of view is that you don't necessarily "apply" the knowledge as such. The knowledge is there, it's banked, and it isn't going anywhere. If, for whatever reason, you find yourself drifting from it, this is where I would practice acceptance. Nowadays I just watch my thoughts and see where they're going. I just believe that fighting your mind makes anxiety worse, not better.
But for the most part, I feel I do live in the now. I'm actually in a really difficult place in my life right now. Quite daunting. But whereas the old me might have panicked, I'm remarkable calm and composed about it. Eckhart Tolle is one of a handful of writers who've helped bring me to this brighter place (along with my therapist and good old Mr Sertraline).
My personal point of view is that you don't necessarily "apply" the knowledge as such. The knowledge is there, it's banked, and it isn't going anywhere. If, for whatever reason, you find yourself drifting from it, this is where I would practice acceptance. Nowadays I just watch my thoughts and see where they're going. I just believe that fighting your mind makes anxiety worse, not better.
But for the most part, I feel I do live in the now. I'm actually in a really difficult place in my life right now. Quite daunting. But whereas the old me might have panicked, I'm remarkable calm and composed about it. Eckhart Tolle is one of a handful of writers who've helped bring me to this brighter place (along with my therapist and good old Mr Sertraline).
Yes that's true actually.
I feel like I live in the now and am present in terms of my appreciation of the moment.
I often sit and stare at the moon/stars and can be completely present, content, same as when I'm on nice walks or with loved ones I have the ability to often stop and just 'be'.
My problem is life stresses, I don't deal well with stress and unfortunately I've had more than the 'normal' stressors thrown my way over the years. Anytime something happens in my life I don't respond well and it sends me on a spiral.
I have made progress though so that's a positive.
Fearing what the future holds and what if thinking needs working on.
---------- Post added at 00:13 ---------- Previous post was at 00:09 ----------
Oh and I hope you can get through whatever difficulties you're having at the moment, you seem to be doing well.
ServerError
11-10-16, 00:13
Yes that's true actually.
I feel like I live in the now and am present in terms of my appreciation of the moment.
I often sit and stare at the moon/stars and can be completely present, content, same as when I'm on nice walks or with loved ones I have the ability to often stop and just 'be'.
My problem is life stresses, I don't deal well with stress and unfortunately I've had more than the 'normal' stressors thrown my way over the years. Anytime something happens in my life I don't respond well and it sends me on a spiral.
I have made progress though so that's a positive.
Fearing what the future holds and what if thinking needs working on.
Every single life stressor you've ever faced is a challenge you've overcome. I'm not trying to diminish them as I'm sure they were very hard on you, but you're still standing. I think the thing to remember is that whatever comes your way, you will handle it. And anyway, it's not in the here and now. It's not a part of your life, which means it doesn't exist. When a stressor enters the now, you'll deal with it. Just like you did all the other ones.
God, now I sound like Eckhart Tolle!
----
My contract at work came to an end. I've not been going in that much anyway due to my anxiety issues. Mainly the disruption to my sleep which made work borderline impossible. So I'm leaving London and going back to my parents' in Liverpool. Gonna look for work that adds something to my life, even if I have to be unemployed and live with my parents for a while. I'm 100% sure everything will work out fine.
Every single life stressor you've ever faced is a challenge you've overcome. I'm not trying to diminish them as I'm sure they were very hard on you, but you're still standing. I think the thing to remember is that whatever comes your way, you will handle it. And anyway, it's not in the here and now. It's not a part of your life, which means it doesn't exist. When a stressor enters the now, you'll deal with it. Just like you did all the other ones.
God, now I sound like Eckhart Tolle!
You do!!
I love that way of thinking, and it's so right, I will deal with it like I have done each and every time, but right now I have no 'problems'.
Problems can't exist in the now :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 00:17 ---------- Previous post was at 00:15 ----------
My contract at work came to an end. I've not been going in that much anyway due to my anxiety issues. Mainly the disruption to my sleep which made work borderline impossible. So I'm leaving London and going back to my parents' in Liverpool. Gonna look for work that adds something to my life, even if I have to be unemployed and live with my parents for a while. I'm 100% sure everything will work out fine.
Yup I've been there, you've got the right mindset though and I'm sure things will work out.
MyNameIsTerry
11-10-16, 00:36
That's a good way of putting it Terry!
I'm not sure, basically I could be sat at home watching a film like last night(Interstellar) .. I was absolutely fine, happy, everything was normal and then the film ended, suddenly the thought came into my head that I will need to say bye to my dad one day, then I see images of his funeral, it's really morbid and I start crying instantly.
I can be fine again within a few minutes, this happens quite a lot I usually talk with my boyfriend about it and calm down.
They can be triggered by things I see/hear but mostly it's just random. Especially at night in bed I find it really hard to get the thoughts to go no matter what I do.
That's an intrusive thought.
Consider a few things, I've seen that film (they bigged it up far too much! ):
- the world is slowly dying.
- people's children are dying, parents are dying.
- his father father dies in it.
- his grandkid dies in it.
- his aged daughter is on her deathbed in it.
We could keep going there.
See the link to the thought?
That's an intrusive thought.
Consider a few things, I've seen that film (they bigged it up far too much! ):
- the world is slowly dying.
- people's children are dying, parents are dying.
- his father father dies in it.
- his grandkid dies in it.
- his aged daughter is on her deathbed in it.
We could keep going there.
See the link to the thought?
Yes definitely I can see why that entered my mind, it's more why it then doesn't leave. Like my partner says he rarely thinks of things like that, but when he does its a passing thought and he can move on?
MyNameIsTerry
11-10-16, 05:22
Yes definitely I can see why that entered my mind, it's more why it then doesn't leave. Like my partner says he rarely thinks of things like that, but when he does its a passing thought and he can move on?
Ah, but he doesn't have control of his intrusive thoughts, only his responses. The same for us. But I'm yet to speak to an OCD sufferer with Pure O themes or just intrusive thoughts in general, that says when their overall anxiety levels raise it doesn't make their intrusive thoughts become more frequent, more intense, etc.
The fact is, the mind is busy. More recent research is revealing it's busier than they realised with these new Mind Pops being researched.
We have to remember that our body is constantly processing incoming data. The subconscious is very busy and it is constantly making comparisons to "rules" that are held. When it makes a check and spots the opportunity to flag something up to the conscious mind, it does. For instance, you are reading something in a book and all of a sudden you get a craving for cheesy Doritos. There will be a reason for that, this is where the science on Mind Pops is emerging. However, if something is a scary one, it becomes an intrusive thought but really the subconscious has been in some way triggered, often by something subtle, and it's only saying "I can't find a rule for this one guv, what do I do?". You consciously react with "arrgghhhhh!!!!" and all that says to the subconscious mind is that it's relevant enough to trigger a big response so it must be important. If you reacted with "meh", it notices that too and thinks "oh, she doesn't want those" and over time you stop getting them.
How you BF reacts is how I react. I've had intrusive thoughts in my OCD and beaten them twice. Both times by cutting down that reaction and applying acceptance that thoughts are just thoughts without meaning. I use the above to rationalise it, you will find that exact example on the Psychology Tools website by professionals and it's found throughout the therapy world (I bet Tolle talks about this).
The problem is we tend to wonder why we are thinking these things and get stuck on trying to analyse them. We worry they mean something deeper about us. They don't. The more you accept them, the more they stop coming.
Many of mine were about violence. And yet I'm 40, no criminal record, no police ever involved with me, barely ever been in a physical fight. And yet I had thoughts about hammering people to death, pushing them in front of cars, off railway stations, throttling people, the list goes on. I worked out mine had two issues underpinning them - 1) many were about harm to my loved ones so I was terrified I would hurt people I would really give my life for and 2) they were about strangers or colleagues BUT the worry was not about doing anything wrong but that I would shame by family and end up jail. You can see the common theme between the two - my loved ones.
Working that out did help me to deal with them. Analysis can be positive when you do it like in therapy, it's negative when you are not being objective and using it to reinforce the fears by focussing on why you are turning into X.
This thread is extremely helpful. Thank you.
All my thoughts are based around my partner near enough. I know it's soppy but I love her so much that the idea of Me without her is just massive. I think about me dying and her looking after me, or her being run over or something equally awful on her walk to work all the time.
Just pops in to my head and then I break down and cry and it's gone nearly as quick as it started.
The paradox is that I'm ruining both our lives with my continued determination to seek a diagnosis for my "symptoms".
I'm not living, just existing at the moment.
MyNameIsTerry
11-10-16, 07:18
Here is the metaphor sheet I mentioned. It's worth a read:
http://psychology.tools/intrusive-thoughts-brain-metaphor.html
Great thread. I've been through spells of this, and as Terry says there is an element of intrusive thought. we all think those things, but it's the importance we attach to the thought. Rationally I know I should just enjoy the here and now, but anxiety tends to scupper that. It takes a lot of practise but it can be done. :D:
MyNameIsTerry
11-10-16, 07:26
This thread is extremely helpful. Thank you.
All my thoughts are based around my partner near enough. I know it's soppy but I love her so much that the idea of Me without her is just massive. I think about me dying and her looking after me, or her being run over or something equally awful on her walk to work all the time.
Just pops in to my head and then I break down and cry and it's gone nearly as quick as it started.
The paradox is that I'm ruining both our lives with my continued determination to seek a diagnosis for my "symptoms".
I'm not living, just existing at the moment.
I bet it is very common to have thoughts like this. I've had my share about mostly my parents and the thing is, they are the most important people in my world.
Intrusive thoughts aim to find what will evoke the best fear response. I've spoken to a fair few POCD sufferers (Paedophila OCD theme) and the majority have been parents who love their kids to bits, teachers committed to children or people with other strong moral connections to children. So, their intrusive thoughts have sought out what it thinks will create the biggest reaction for them. After all, what would be the point of using something that gets a minor reaction when it craves the biggest reaction?
Acceptance work would really help you with those thoughts. Acceptance that we all die, we all lose loved ones, etc and there is little we can ever do.
Cutting down the fear reaction is a key thing too. The more you do that, the more you sort this issue. You may find it changes at times and you even have strange feelings of "liking" the thought but just keep going in getting to the "whatever" reaction and you will find yourself no longer triggered.
I still get intrusive thoughts. I really notice them now unlike before my anxiety. I suspect it's a case of once you've stared into the abyss, you can't quite forget it's there. But I label the thought, note any slight reaction and let it go. It will sound hard now but it does become intuitive. All that happens in a mere second for me now and many times, less with hardly any thought to it.
Again thank you.
I just don't know what to do at the moment, or how to "fix" me.
I get almost no pleasure out of anything anymore, just bought a beautiful house with my partner and I spent every day crying about thinking I was dying while she decorated around me.
I've made this thread about me now, sorry.
MyNameIsTerry
11-10-16, 07:38
I'm sure Katie won't mind. No need to apologise.
I remember your thread about the new house. I think it's going to be a matter of lots of tiny steps. I was a complete mess in my relapse and whilst I've still got lots to sort out now, I'm a much different person to the quivering mess I was. I didn't think I would get any better, but I did. It just took a lot of time, loads of repetition and loads of micro steps.
Thank you.
My main problem I think is that I haven't really accepted to my symptoms are being caused by anxiety.
I genuinely believe that something is going on and it's only going to get worse. Anxiety surely can't cause a CONSTANT headache? Or muscle twitching that absolutely never stops?
I mean I know people will say that it can, and does, but why the F*CK can't I believe it?
I'm just so fed up! It's really really getting on top of me now.
The problem is we tend to wonder why we are thinking these things and get stuck on trying to analyse them. We worry they mean something deeper about us. They don't. The more you accept them, the more they stop coming.
Hit the nail on the head there Terry, I do give them importance by my reaction and trying to analyse them. Thanks for the info and the link I'll give it a look.
Don't worry Colicab85 I do it all the time :roflmao:
I've been there where you are and I was the same, that's part of health anxiety not believing it's anxiety and being convinced something is wrong. It takes time and perseverance, I think I've said this before but I had muscle twitches (BFS) constantly for nearly a year! There wasn't one part of my body it didn't effect, my muscles twitched all over sometimes simultaneously.
Thank you all so much.
Genuinely don't know what I'd do without this forum sometimes.
Anyway, back on topic. I have these thoughts a lot.
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