JEN_PR
10-10-16, 19:37
I'm new to NMP, but it's been somewhat of a relief to find people that feel the same, since anxiety can make you feel so alienated from everybody. I am a 42 year old woman, single mom, and lived in Washington, DC for 5 years. I've been separated from my husband for a year now. Last year, when it became clear that we needed a separation, my GAD, that had been pretty much under control for more than ten years without need of medication, came barreling back. This time it came back as a fear of skin cancer, and finding any weird looking mole that could be melanoma. I went to a dermatologist for an overall check up, and he only found one he wanted to check further, so he biopsied it. Waiting for the biopsy results was unbearable, and I had to seek help from my GP, who prescribed Lexapro and Xanax to help me sleep. She recommended I moved in with a friend while starting the new meds, since I was very wary of staying alone in my house.
I started feeling better and was able to move to a place of my own after a while. Then my mother died unexpectedly last December. My family was shaken to the core. I had to move back to Puerto Rico to help my siblings, and my daughter who was living with my mother while going to school in San Juan. I moved back in April and things have not worked out as I had hoped, financially and emotionally.
My anxiety kicked in again about a month ago. I had a keratosis on one of my cheeks that was visually diagnosed by the same derm that made the biopsy of another one of my moles. Some weeks ago the keratosis in my face started growing and itching. I made an appointment with a derm and he performed a shave biopsy, and I had to go through 2 weeks of hell, dreading a call that would confirm my worst nightmares. The call never came, but the anxiety didn't go away completely. My anxiety has now turned into a full blown health anxiety. I'm recovering from a bad cold right now, and my underarms felt kind of sore (which could also be due to getting my period). I can't stop palpating my left underarm. One moment it feels like I can feel my lymph nodes, but the next moment I'm not so sure. I (obviously!) googled all things related to tender lymph nodes, and while most sites said it was quite normal for nodes to get tender while battling infections, there was the dreaded possibility that it might be breast cancer. They use the word "rarely" as if that's going to stop your mind from racing.
I feel consumed by fear all the time, to the point where I am self-medicating, which I know is wrong, but otherwise I would not be able to function right now. I'm now in the process of trying to find a therapist. Sorry for the very long post!
I started feeling better and was able to move to a place of my own after a while. Then my mother died unexpectedly last December. My family was shaken to the core. I had to move back to Puerto Rico to help my siblings, and my daughter who was living with my mother while going to school in San Juan. I moved back in April and things have not worked out as I had hoped, financially and emotionally.
My anxiety kicked in again about a month ago. I had a keratosis on one of my cheeks that was visually diagnosed by the same derm that made the biopsy of another one of my moles. Some weeks ago the keratosis in my face started growing and itching. I made an appointment with a derm and he performed a shave biopsy, and I had to go through 2 weeks of hell, dreading a call that would confirm my worst nightmares. The call never came, but the anxiety didn't go away completely. My anxiety has now turned into a full blown health anxiety. I'm recovering from a bad cold right now, and my underarms felt kind of sore (which could also be due to getting my period). I can't stop palpating my left underarm. One moment it feels like I can feel my lymph nodes, but the next moment I'm not so sure. I (obviously!) googled all things related to tender lymph nodes, and while most sites said it was quite normal for nodes to get tender while battling infections, there was the dreaded possibility that it might be breast cancer. They use the word "rarely" as if that's going to stop your mind from racing.
I feel consumed by fear all the time, to the point where I am self-medicating, which I know is wrong, but otherwise I would not be able to function right now. I'm now in the process of trying to find a therapist. Sorry for the very long post!