Terrified of NHL

[Sally134]

I've been having a few odd symptoms lately. Just want to give a little bit of background information on me in case that helps.

I'm currently being treated (outpatient) for anorexia after leaving hospital for the illness in 2015. My BMI is currently in the underweight section (17.4) but nothing like what it was in hospital so I don't think this has anything to do with my problem. Recently I've been feeling like my bones are constantly aching. It started with my right leg but would sometimes stop and move to my right arm or my left elbow or my lower back or my collarbone. Pretty much everywhere. The pain is currently in my right leg and hipbone and two days ago I noticed three slightly swollen and tender lymph nodes at the top of my right thigh, almost in the crease at the top of the leg. They are movable and not fixed. Obviously I start freaking out and googling (again) and I've been looking up possible causes for literally three days (at least four hours a day) and it is driving me insane :weep: and this morning I woke up with a sore throat and felt very chesty. Also, my right knee and ankle have been cracking a lot. I almost feel relief when my ankle cracks. I don't know if this has anything to do with my problems.

I had a routine bloodtest three weeks ago (I have them every three weeks for my eating disorder) and everything came back fine (bone marrow, blood count etc all okay). I mentioned to my doctor about how my bones feel like they are aching (I didn't mention the swollen lymph nodes because I hadn't noticed them then) so I'm having another bloodtest next week with added ESR and CRP tests. He mentioned rheumatoid arthritis but doesn't think that is what is causing it and doesn't think I have anything to worry about, but my symptoms seem to be worse than the last time I saw him. My next appointment is on Tuesday and I'm so scared. I feel 99% certain that I have a type of lymphoma since I googled my symptoms and that is the first and most common thing to come up. I keep thinking about how I'm going to go to doctors and eventually they'll tell me that I have cancer and it's spread and they can't do anything about it. I know it all sounds really dramatic but I can't think of anything else right now. I don't think I've ever been this anxious, it is all I am thinking about :(

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has had similar symptoms and has been diagnosed with something? The "not knowing" is so frustrating.

[Pepperpot]

Hi. Just wanted to say my daughter is being treated for anorexia too as an outpatient after leaving hospital in August. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but to me this doesn't sound sinister. Tender lymph nodes are usually a sign of an infection, not anything bad. Also as for the bones, I'm pretty sure if you woke up with a sore throat and a chesty cough then it's not your bones that are aching, it's your muscles and you sound like your coming down with a cold or the flu. Also, if you haven't already then ask for the flu jab as you will be entitled to it with having an illness. X

[Sally134]

Hi. Just wanted to say my daughter is being treated for anorexia too as an outpatient after leaving hospital in August. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but to me this doesn't sound sinister. Tender lymph nodes are usually a sign of an infection, not anything bad. Also as for the bones, I'm pretty sure if you woke up with a sore throat and a chesty cough then it's not your bones that are aching, it's your muscles and you sound like your coming down with a cold or the flu. Also, if you haven't already then ask for the flu jab as you will be entitled to it with having an illness. X

Thank you for your reply :) I'm going to try and not google anymore until I've been to see my doctor on Tuesday (easier said than done but I'll give it my best shot!) and then I guess I'm going to have to accept what my doctor says rather than second guessing everything :blush: I will definitely ask to have the flu jab. I hope your daughter is doing okay! Xx

[Sally134]

Quick update: my GP appointment is tomorrow and I'm so nervous. I am terrified she will feel the nodes in my groin and think they are suspicious and send me for further tests but I'm also scared that if she says they are nothing to be worried about, that she will have missed something and I will still be in this panic :( ugh you just can't win!!! To top things off I woke up this morning with a cough (which can be a sign of lymphoma) and a runny nose. My leg is still hurting slightly and I'm just panicking so much because my best friend was diagnosed with lymphoma last year and has recently relapsed and my step dad has just been diagnosed with cancer yesterday. Everything is getting on top of me and I am so certain that I have a type of lymphoma. I also feel like I have scratched gums but I've had this before due to my wisdom teeth so I'm not sure if they are flaring up again. But everything just points towards lymphoma. I'm so fed up of feeling like this. I feel like my life is just one big worry.

Another question: I'm having my routine bloods done this week but also having my ESR and CRP tested, would something show up in these if I had lymphoma? Does lymphoma show up in a CBC? I've heard people say it doesn't and that they have had a high stage lymphoma with okay bloods.

I'm so scared.

[Fishmanpa]

I'm sure all will be well. You have a few triggers in your life recently so it only follows you'd worry.

I can't help looking at your thread title (Terrified of NHL) and thinking.... Yeah, I guess hockey players can be a bit intimidating :)

Positive thoughts

[Sally134]

I'm sure all will be well. You have a few triggers in your life recently so it only follows you'd worry.

I can't help looking at your thread title (Terrified of NHL) and thinking.... Yeah, I guess hockey players can be a bit intimidating :)

Positive thoughts


Thank you, I hope you're right :)

Haha, hockey players can be pretty scary!!

[Sally134]

Thought I would let you know how my appointment went...
My doctor thoroughly examined all of my lymph nodes (groin, armpits, neck etc etc) and said she thought the swollen one in my groin was due to the cuts on my knee (I'm always crawling around on the carpet with bare legs during the day - don't ask - I have so many friction burns) so she told me to stop prodding it (easier said than done right?!) and she would check it again in three weeks at my routine appointment for my anorexia. I asked why my hip was aching and she said it could be due to my diet, the fact that I'm underweight etc but we would do my bloods first before she ruled anything out. I went into the appointment in such a panic, told her I thought I had lymphoma and she took me very seriously which was nice (although she did tell me to stop googling!! And she said something that quite stuck in my head: "If Google was always right, we wouldn't need doctors, would we?") but she did say she's sure my swollen node is nothing to panic about but if it was still swollen in three weeks, she would send me for an ultrasound.

So obviously I went home in a panic, googled for about six hours at least yesterday :( worked myself up into a pretty bad state. Anyway, this morning I came out of the bathroom and had a missed call from the doctors so I immediately start hyperventilating thinking this is it, my bloods have come back abnormal, I knew it, I've got lymphoma.

Anyway, the call was just the receptionist wanting to book my routine bloods and GP appointment for three weeks. She said she had my blood results back (how quick!!!) and I asked if they were okay and she was like "I assume they are nothing to worry about or your doctor would have contacted you herself" and while she was booking me in for my routine bloods I heard her say as she was typing "repeat bloods except ESR and CRP" which reassured me because I have heard in most cases of lymphoma these levels are usually raised and the fact they don't want to repeat them is a good sign right?

SO, I have promised myself - no more prodding the lymph node until my next appointment as it only aggravates it, limiting myself to google because honestly I have been the worst I've ever been this past year and just going to try and live my life a little bit rather than thinking "what if?????"

I think the fear will always be in my mind. There is always a part of me that doesn't believe the doctors and thinks they have missed something but I can work on that. And if I do have to go for an ultrasound, I will deal with that when it comes to it. Although I am quite relieved at my bloods (but will probably call my doctor on Friday to discuss them with her because I'm paranoid like that:blush:)

If you've read all this, thank you and well done!

I am still paranoid I'm sick but if I can't trust the doctor who the heck can I trust? :shrug: