elik
15-10-16, 16:56
I feel like exploding. I'm so trapped in negative turmoil I honestly have no strategy that can deal with the magnitude of this. Everything is obsessional and everything is terrifying. I just want to disappear I can't manage it anymore. My life is survival and that's all I know. Every method to help gets demolished by my mind as nothing has a good outcome because I destroy it with more hellish thoughts. Meanwhile I keep up appearances appearing confident and fun and caring etc which is who I am deep below this torture but the inner critique and fear is making this increasingly harder. I won't talk to anyone about it because no one can help me but me and they'll be confused and just never makes it better. Plus I need to be perfect and no burden. Meanwhile I constantly badger myself over how I'm acting whether people are good to me I'm good to them etc so never having an honest perspective of things making it impossible for me to make decisions or talk about things because this could change
In two minutes. I'm exhausted. It's never stopped and I'm so
Scared. I have no one and I have gotten so bad that I cannot talk about it because I will just beat myself up for being a burden. I try so hard to please people and help and when my anxiety gets so bad like this I find it hard to maintain this and feel like I need to opt out of loads of situations just to survive but I can't even do this because then I'm a bad person and in debt to people for not being there. Can you honestly see how horrendously webbed my mind is? The worst thing is is even when I try and strategise I don't trust what the better thing to do is. I just never know what's good or bad wrong or right and so forth and I live by trying to guess and be as good to everything as I can and I'm never happy ever. I am stop attached to the idea of being selfless and easy going because I actually love this trait in me but it's destroying my life
In two minutes. I'm exhausted. It's never stopped and I'm so
Scared. I have no one and I have gotten so bad that I cannot talk about it because I will just beat myself up for being a burden. I try so hard to please people and help and when my anxiety gets so bad like this I find it hard to maintain this and feel like I need to opt out of loads of situations just to survive but I can't even do this because then I'm a bad person and in debt to people for not being there. Can you honestly see how horrendously webbed my mind is? The worst thing is is even when I try and strategise I don't trust what the better thing to do is. I just never know what's good or bad wrong or right and so forth and I live by trying to guess and be as good to everything as I can and I'm never happy ever. I am stop attached to the idea of being selfless and easy going because I actually love this trait in me but it's destroying my life