The bomb dropped... ugh

[rick]

Hi all...

This is the first post I've made in many months. Last christmas, I was hit with a bout of panic attacks that were absolutely horrible, and lasted almost two months. (For the whole sad story, look back around the end of December - first part of January for my topic, "Constant Panic Attacks").

Well, I thought I had them whipped... Had a few minor blips here and there, but nothing major - until tonight. Here it is, 4:19 am, and I'm having the worst series of PA's since last January. Man, I'm getting hammered. I hope that it will pass, but the though that I might be heading back to where I was is terrifying! (Anyone relate to that???)

When the attacks slow down, I can sort of see what's going on... I have a terrible upset tummy, and, I swear, my PAs come from there!!! This is the same way they started out last year. Also, my dog (big dog) has come down with a severe case of Kennel Cough, and is hacking and harfing constantly, so, there is no sleep here tonight! (She's a good dog, wonderful companion, and I love her dearly - but, she sure is noisy right now... Sounds like a stuck foghorn!![8D]

Anyway, It feels good to have a place to write my feelings and fears, 'cause I'm scared to death that I'm falling back into the abyss. (that's pretty dramatic, isn't it?!?!) Even though I haven't posted forever, I check in to the site at least once a day, and keep up on what's going on. As I learned last year, the people on this site are tbe best.

Hang in there all, and keep your fingers crossed for me, as I do for you.

Rick

[ladynumberone]

Sounds like they have been brought on from having lots of stress happening at the same time. I have crones disease and i find that when i have a bad tummy that can bring my attacks on cos i get that butterfly feeling in my tummy and that onsets them. I am sure that you will feel better once the dog is feeling better and your tummy settles down. Sorry to hear your having a tough time, stick with it :) We all worry about being back at the start of a series of nightmare attacks and those feelings of dread and fear but just see it as a one off you have been fine up to now good luck
emma
xxxxx

[jo-jo]

Hiya Rick

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit panicky at the moment but as many of us here experience, these blips do happen from time to time and equally, they do pass. What you are feeling now doesn't mean that you are going to fall back into the abyss [}:)] It seems to me that you have a lot going on, and your lack of sleep owing to your poor girl having kennel cough won't be helping much either. Are you worried about her too? I know how horrid it is as my old girl Holly had kennel cough once and until the vet dignosed it, I thought she had something stuck in her throat! She'll be fine :D Maybe you're also over-reacting to having a bad tummy seeing as you've associated that with panic before? It could just be that you've got a plain and simple old bug.

Glad that you're finding the support you need here - what a great bunch of people aren't they? [^] Try to get yourself some rest and to relax a bit and things will be fine in no time.

Best wishes, Jo x

[minny]

Hi Rick!

Sorry youre having such a rough time of it lately. Apart from your dog being poorly, have there been any other stresses going on?? Work.. family etc. An upset tum can be awful and I agree, it can lead to panic attacks.

Also the fear you feel of falling back into your abyss is contributing enormously to your panic. Vicious circle! How did you beat your attacks last time? Im still working on different methods to beat mine. Ive had a good week this week but often, just worrying if the attacks are going to come back is enough to trigger one off!

Hope youre feeling better soon!

With thoughts and crossed fingers

Minny..xx

[rick]

Thanks for posting back so soon... It means a lot. Yep, the folks here are super. As I said earlier, I've been following the various threads, and with particular interest, the trials of Holly. We dog lovers are a weird bunch... They ARE family!!!

You all mentioned stress too - plenty of that. My plant is being sold, and we don;t know if we will have a job after the first of the year, Which is DEFINITELY not cool.... Some friends are coming by from another city, and thats got me a little discombobulated (how's that for a word?), Plus - and this is a BIG plus - the weather here has turned chilly, rainy, and gloomy. I discovered last year that I don't do well in the cold any more. (Used to love snow...)

Probably a few other things in ther as well, but, bottom line, I just need to use my tools and deal with it. I have a bottle of Xanax my DR gave me last year, but I haven't had to take one since last March - and, I'd like to keep that record intact. (I'm a stubborn ol' cuss).

Most of what I did to overcome the initial panic episode last year was to face a lot of skeletons in my closet, which was painful but helpful. Dig deep. You'd be surprised at how good you feel after letting things that you have been harboring within for years go, no matter how big or small. Be true to yourself. That is REALLY important. I spent a great part of my life trying to be what others thought I should be, and eventually, it about drove me nuts! Be who you are.

(Now, if I can just take this wonderful advice and use it on myself!!!:D

Actually, mainly its lack of sleep, worry and my tum. The tum is the one that worries me, cause it doesn't heal well, so...

Anyway, thank you guys again for responding so quickly. From the bottom of my heart, I truly appreciate it.

Rick

[Meg]

Hi Rick,

We do know you and your tum.

Is wife away again and you're cooking up a storm again lol ??

I can understand that the plant being sold and the worry to go with that is causing much inner churning and thus leading to old feelings that you associate so well with ....

Firstly - this is just a blip. You have had them previously and done just fine. You are not heading anywhere near the abyss at all, that I can promise you .

You have already identified what caused this and what you need to do to help yourself .

When are the friends coming ??

Get out with nature as you love to and get busy for a bit clearing up for winter .

Let us know how you are now Rick..

Love
Meg

[rick]

Hi Meg

Soo good to hear from you again, (though not in these circumstances!!!:D)

I guess what sets these attacks apart from the little blips I had this summer, is that this series of PAs are NASTY - just like the ones last year. Also, its 3:52pm over here, and that means Ive been awake 34 hours now... Every time I lie down, either my tummy sends me a nasty panic spasm, or my poor foghorn wannabe dog (love her heart) starts honking with the kennel cough. I took off work today to take Lady (the dog) to the vet... I have to work tomorrow, and it should be interesting.

(Wandering around all that big equipment and high voltages half asleep - hey, I may not HAVE to worry about the plant being sold!!![:O]) Seriously, I'm tempted to get a room at a local motel tonight so I can have some quiet (Bet the wife won't go for that!!! - Wouldn't think of putting the dog out instead... Us animal lovers are such wieners...)

Probably tell the company that we'll see them tomorrow evening... they should understand - they are actually coming down here for a writers conference (She's an author - I met her while doing research on my book, her husband is some sort of space scientist who plays a mean blugrass guitar), and are staying at the local Marriot anyway.

If I can just get this tum to quiet down.... (Didi I already say that? I am 2/3ds asleep...) Anyway, thanks to all who have read these posts, and especially to you who have and will offer advice and just plain old encouragement. It means a lot.

PS - This is the really painful part - admitting you did something really stupid.... I had various forms of spaghetti and sauce five of teh last seven days. Anybody that dumb DESERVES a PA or two!!:)

I love you all...

Rick

It is better to be a free bird than a captive king...

[nomorepanic]

Hiya Rick

Long time no see[:P]

Sorry to hear that you have a bit of a downer at the moment.

Can't be easy with the dog not being so well too.

You used to tell us such lovely tales and I used to read them all, so it is good to see that you are still around and still pop in on the forum.

I am not doing too bad at the moment - getting better each day and had lots of therapy at driving so that is good.

What can you take for the stomach probs? Have you tried all the remedies - like peppermint and milk etc?

Hope you start to feel better again soon and it is lovely to hear from you again:)

xxx

Nicola

[jo-jo]

Hiya Rick

How are you feeling today? Had any decent sleep yet - or is Lady still doing her foghorn impression? :D Oh yes, we animal lovers are soft 'clarts' as we say in Yorkshire.

Don't get into the spiral of thinking you're going to end up back where you were, this IS just a nasty blip and you can and will get through it. There's so much going on for you at the moment its no real surprise that your body is sending out alarm signals. Be good to yourself hon and get that wife of yours to spoil you a bit, maybe a nice neck and shoulder massage or something??

Love to hear how you're doing.

Best wishes, Jo xx

[rick]

Hi All!!

You are the coolest people...

Things are much better today (who wants to be the first to tell me, "I told you so...):D

I had a few anxiety passes today, but nothing bad. Slept like i'd been shot last night, so that had to help, too. Lady (the spoiled australian shepherd) is doing much better. The giant size horse pills the vet gave her worked wonderfully, so that was great. Did go visit with the company for a bit last night, going to hang out with them later this evening.

Nicola, been following you around, good to see you're doing well. I read with interest a post from you (i think - ) about driving in a safe road and daring the PAs to come and get you (or something to that effect). That was brave - but, I'd be chicken to try it!! Remember, I'm the big ol' hairy ex coal miner weiner man!!![8D] As for the tum, I take Prevacid and an ancient old pill called carafate - it sort of foams up in your stomach and protects the sore spots. It works pretty good, too, until I abuse the poor old thing.... Like I said, a crisis like I had yesterday is even made worse when I pretty much do it myself!

I've had lots more crazy adventures, so perhaps at appropriate times, I may toss one or two of my harebrained adventures out. (Why I am still alive still amazes me!!! -and, at my age, you'd think I'd know better)}:)]

Neck and shouler maasage??? Hmmm thanks, Jo - I just MAY have to bring that up to the wife a little later! (Of course, she may tell me if i need a massage, turn on the clothes dryer and lean up against it...[8D])

Seriously, for those of you who have read this far - I need to apologize to all of the folks on this site, past and present.

I have very selfishly neglected you guys. Sure, I've been keeping up on the posts in the Panic section, but I never contributed. I realize now that that was extremely selfish. Sure, my reasons were, A: I was afraid if I got too deeply involved, it would bring MY pa's back, B: I didn't feel I had anything to contribute - You all seemed to be taking care of things quite well without me, and C: I was just too darn LAZY - (my translation was busy.)

Well, I know now that A: PA's are gonna show up, regardless of how you try to hide from them, C: I should be kicked firmly in the rear for being too busy (LAZY) to keep up with my friends, and

B: You never know when you might be the only one who is on line when someone needs a lift. The response I quickly got from Emmy, Jo and Minny almost immediately meant so much to me, and helped me make it thru the day, along with the others who wrote later. I am humbled and most appreciateive.

You'll be hearing more from me.

Beware!!!

love, Rick

It is better to be a free bird than a captive king...

[Meg]

So pleased you're going share a few tales with us Rick.

I know I've heard from you intermittantly these last few months but it does seem such a shame to hide that brilliant reconteuring talent from us.

You don't need to be currently suffering to be here or should I and a couple of others get our coats now ?!

Glad you're out the other side of this blip. Aren't they passing quickly now ?!? Not like January at all ..

Love

Meg