Lucy1987
17-10-16, 20:54
Hi all, i apologise in advance for posting.
I have been having these awful thoughts lately about death, in particular, death of my fiancé. I have very little rational explanation for this though i feel the trigger came as a result of a car accident he was involved in about 6 weeks ago. He came out unscathed but noticeably shook, while my thoughts dived deep into what could have happened and how different the result could have been.
Before i continue let me remind you that i have given myself the "look on the bright side, he didn't die" chat 100 million times, I'm here because its not working, I'm losing myself in my thoughts.
Recently i have been waking up with these deep dark death thoughts consuming me, it hurts my throat, my chest, my body aches and i can do nothing but cry uncontrollably. Luckily i have been blessed with a man who allows me to express myself, whether it makes sense or not. He does his best to reassure me that all is well, but i am not convinced... well at least irrational, anxious me is not convinced. Normal me can't quite understand how i allowed myself to get to that stage, to such an upset, unconsolable state.
Honestly its almost as if i am mourning him, i squeeze him so tightly whilst i cry, hoping to never have to let go of him.
We live together and have had a relatively normal relationship until now, in fact i would argue that he was more anxious than me before this point, but now iv lost control. I literally cry at a sad song, get myself so worked up to the point where i can't come down.
I have grown up around my mum who has experienced anxiety and depression her whole life and iv done a psychology degree so i understand mental health is hereditary, but I'm so scared I'm going to turn into her, she has wasted so much time worrying when she should have been living.
I really need some help on coping mechanisms because at the moment I'm not managing at all, iv got an appointment with my GP to get started with CBT but I'm feeling quite alone (i don't speak to anyone but my boyfriend).
I am also quite stressed generally right now regarding money, further studies, deadlines all whilst trying to work full time and i feel a little like when I'm anxious in one area i tend to be anxious in all of them... does anyone else feel like this?
Thank you in advance for any help.
I have been having these awful thoughts lately about death, in particular, death of my fiancé. I have very little rational explanation for this though i feel the trigger came as a result of a car accident he was involved in about 6 weeks ago. He came out unscathed but noticeably shook, while my thoughts dived deep into what could have happened and how different the result could have been.
Before i continue let me remind you that i have given myself the "look on the bright side, he didn't die" chat 100 million times, I'm here because its not working, I'm losing myself in my thoughts.
Recently i have been waking up with these deep dark death thoughts consuming me, it hurts my throat, my chest, my body aches and i can do nothing but cry uncontrollably. Luckily i have been blessed with a man who allows me to express myself, whether it makes sense or not. He does his best to reassure me that all is well, but i am not convinced... well at least irrational, anxious me is not convinced. Normal me can't quite understand how i allowed myself to get to that stage, to such an upset, unconsolable state.
Honestly its almost as if i am mourning him, i squeeze him so tightly whilst i cry, hoping to never have to let go of him.
We live together and have had a relatively normal relationship until now, in fact i would argue that he was more anxious than me before this point, but now iv lost control. I literally cry at a sad song, get myself so worked up to the point where i can't come down.
I have grown up around my mum who has experienced anxiety and depression her whole life and iv done a psychology degree so i understand mental health is hereditary, but I'm so scared I'm going to turn into her, she has wasted so much time worrying when she should have been living.
I really need some help on coping mechanisms because at the moment I'm not managing at all, iv got an appointment with my GP to get started with CBT but I'm feeling quite alone (i don't speak to anyone but my boyfriend).
I am also quite stressed generally right now regarding money, further studies, deadlines all whilst trying to work full time and i feel a little like when I'm anxious in one area i tend to be anxious in all of them... does anyone else feel like this?
Thank you in advance for any help.