Hi All

[Israphelr]

Hello all I am Ross, I'm 19 years old and from Berkshire.

I just working uphill at the moment from a phase of depression thats lasted for years and things are looking better.
I also am trying to manage low self esteem and a bit of anxiety. Although things are looking better I am struggling quite a bit at the moment, but help is at hand and well as I'm sure you're aware these things take time.

I have a placement for university in september, I tried last year to live away from home but it really didn't work out for me which, if anyone's interested to hear about I'd be happy to tell, however it's quite a long story(it branches out).

My interests are computing, and fitness, I also enjoy playing chess and writing, foreign languages. (I can speak Japanese, a small bit of Hindi and some Hebrew)

Anyway, I look forward to meeting people here so, see you around!

p.s. I'd just like to thank Hoppipolla for pointing this site out to me.

[domino]

:) Hello to you ross, could to have you on board, you will get lots of advice, and make new friends on this wonderful sitr, you have definately come to the right place.:yesyes:

[domino]

Ross i would be interrested to hear why uni first time round did not work out, my neice had lots of problems too settling and was back home in 3 weeks.:read:

[Israphelr]

Thanks for the welcome.

I will tell you the story.

First i'll begin with what actually happened, then build up around it.

I arrived with my parents on the moving-in-weekend (on saturday to be precise) and set my room up with my clothes and some other neccessaties.
Then we went into the city centre, to get some things, the whole time I had been feeling sick, nevertheless I wasn't about to tell my parents that. Anyway afterthey went I just tried to focus and sat down with a piece of paper and pen and listed all the advantages and disadvantages of being there in the hope that it would cheer me up then there was a knock at my door. It was a scruffy looking but very pleasant and funny guy, who asked me if I wanted to go out, so I said yes then locked my door and chatted to a few people. I was offered a drink of whiskey(and note that I don't drink any alcohol at all) I declined then went with the other people who lived around me to the bar where it was pakced (and I hate crowded places). Anyway I met with a person I knew that night and we basically stuck together, however he was involved with some other people and I found it hard to even stick with him because of those other people (had no desire to get 'involved' with him, mainly because they seemed to loud for me though). Anyway after a while I came back and I got into bed and just fell asleep after a while.

The next morning I woke up and felt really down. My dad phoned me and we chatted, he could tell that I wasn't happy. He said he was coming to drop me off my mobile phone (because I'd left it at home) now I saw that as anopportunity to go home, but I knew at the same time my parents wanted my to 'stick it out', furthermore the additional pressure upon myself with respect to my desire to learn computers(which is what my course was based on) was getting to me.

Anyway I spent all morning and afternoon in my room bymyself, praying that no one would knock on the door or try and come in and I just sat there on the bed and read 300 pages of the Da Vinci code. At about Four O'clock that afternoon my dad arrived and we went out. I explained to him and he told me that he and my mum thought I should try and wait. From that moment on I couldn't talk. I went mute(when I get really upset I go mute temprarily) I just couldn't say a word for about 40 minutes and lol(yeah I can look back in a differnent perespective now it's the past and things seem to hve improved) as we were sitting down at a table he looked at me in the eye and said "Look if you want to come home, I'll take you home don't worry" still unable to talk I just grabed his hand and squeezed it then the tears came out, and he said "Right thats it we're going home, finish your food."

That day he saved me, I'll never ever forget it.


Though I was affected about the transition before I moved into my room. My brother tells me for about 2 weeks before I began I would avoid any conversation about university, and should it come up I would change the subject or ignore the person who I was talking to. I became slighly more depressed and withdrawn, my mum noticed it too. I put it down to a learning experience though now.

A number of things which contributed to this problem I think are as follows;
1) I have a problem of 'letting go'. Childhood memories just kept flowing through my head, missed memories it still affects me now.
2) I'd been depressed for quite a while due to a relationship factor that had strucken me years ago, however the pain from that has never fully gone away.
3) Lack of responsbility and long term dependability upon others around me.
4) I became a bit of a recluse for a year, and met up with friends no more than 10-15 times in a whole year.
5) Fear. That I wouldn't be able to cope alone, constant worrying and It just took over me.

My parents have been very supportive over this issue, and so have my brothers and my sister in law.

Unfortunately as other people find out because my specific situation seemed a bit complicated compared to other people. Some people are fine with uni, some people can stick it and get through, and some people just can not. It's a shame that the people who just can't are regarded as people who are lazy, becase it's not the case, maybe some area, but don't forget that some people just can't. I am 100% positive I am one of those people.

I am dedicated to returning this year though, and I will commute by car, however I've had trouble this year. Extreme difficulty learning to drive and well difficulties findign a job and this is worring me because I really must get to uni in September, I think I will but, I'm really worried about it.

Anyways, I'm quite tired now, so If I should remember anything I'll update this with another section, and I'd be happy to answer any questions.

[honeybee3939]

HI Ross

And Welcome to NMP, im sure you will get some great advice while making new friends on the way.:) :) :)

Love

Andrea
xxxxx

[Freaky Chick]

Hey Ross

Welcome to NMP - you are not alone.

I know loads of people who tried uni and didn't make it through away from home. So don't worry there. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If it's what you want to do, eventually you will get to do it.

I remember the fist week of uni very well - I had similar problems. Away from home, scared, found it hard to mix with people as i had been bullied at school and that made me axious in new places - so i can understand how you felt at the time.

I have a friend who recently went to uni - they got there, unloaded into their room - freaked and came home again. At least you managed a couple of days.

I understand the not being able to talk thing to. I have that. I can talk fine to people i am comfortable with, but new environment/new people - mute, have resorted to sign language and wtriting things down. It is a real pain when all you want is a hot chocolate from starbucks!! and you can't ask for it.

You are here and that is great, and we are there to help you through, cos then it helps us all.

Take care
Hugs Freaky Chick

[trac67]

Hiya,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends,

Take care

Trac xx

[nomorepanic]

Hi Ross

Welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope we can be of some help and you will make some great new friendships on here too.

[Rach**81]

Hi Ross

I am also new here... glad you are here

I have found the people to be very supportive and understanding:flowers:

[eastender]

Hi Ross,
welcome to NMP, hope you find it a help here, I know I do. Everyone is friendly and helpful.

[manmoor]

Hi Ross,

A big warm welcome to you. xx

[Pink Princess]

hey ross welcome to the site, hope to speak soon xxxxxx

[sarah1984]

Hi Ross and welcome!
I'm a fellow student and came home from my second year of uni, suffering from severe anxiety. I wanted to say how much I admire you for your determination to return to uni and passing your driving test-I think it's a really good idea commuting to uni while living at home. Quite a few of my friends do it and it saves them such a lot of money as well as providing them with a more peaceful atmosphere to get on with their uni work!
It sounds as if you have a very supportive family and I hope that your year out allows you to resolve some of your difficulties.
Best of Luck
Sarah
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about uni worries!