Button1
18-10-16, 23:25
Hi guys!
I used to be a very regular poster on here after I developed horrendous health anxiety in 2012. I'm now largely a lot better and whilst I have a whole host of irrational thoughts about my health, I no longer Google symptoms or visit my GP for reassurance. The panic attacks have gone and I'm doing so much better. I think some time with a therapist and having a couple of kids has helped to sort me out!
However I can kind of feel myself heading for the brink again (it's a way off but I can see the signs...) but this time it's not my own health but that of my children that's causing me concern. This is very new- my HA has never centred on anyone but myself before (which in some ways feels more manageable.) To give some sort of context to this (and apologies to those who might have heard it before!!) my children have a varied medical history- my first child was born in 2012 and developed what appeared to be very severe reflux. After 8 weeks of projectile vomiting and countless GP visits he was finally diagnosed with pyloric stenosis (a problem with a stomach muscle) which was only correctable with surgery. Taking my 8 week old baby down to theatre at Great Ormond Street will stay with me forever. I've never been so scared. Thankfully he made a speedy recovery and has been a very robust child ever since. The day of his op still haunts me however. I sadly lost my second baby at 21 weeks after finding out it had severe brain damage and Spina Bifida. We were advised to terminate. We dealt with it reasonably well at the time- we had to as we had an 18month old to look after- but whilst my husband seems to have moved on, I still find myself crying almost daily with the guilt of the termination (even though there was little choice medically speaking). My third child was conceived very quickly after this and I had a trouble free pregnancy but understandably my nervousness about his health was quite pronounced- this was not helped when he had to be resuscitated at 6 months old after what we now know was an asthma attack. He was hospitalised every 4 weeks after that for a period of 10months whilst they tried to manage the attacks. He's now so much better and I'm more confident in dealing with his asthma but I'm now very very on edge about my children's health and can feel some of the old doubts creeping in and old behaviours returning. Currently I'm obsessing about Jude (my youngest) having some sort of cancer. He had a bad cold virus which (very temporarily) gave him irritable hip (which looks like a limp). This started all sorts of scary thoughts in my head. A GP checked him and said he was fine but I'm constantly wondering if he looks pale, why he's not eating as happily (he's entering the fussy phase and has a cold might be good reasons) is he still limping? And I'm googling childhood cancers and wondering when I can get him into see my preferred GP and if I can push for blood tests.
I do not want to be that mum. He's been in hospital so much, I can't put him through any more. And yet...I'm terrified, I can't concentrate at work and I'm emotional at home.
Do any parents have any tips about how they balance the reasonable ups and downs of childcare with having HA? Any advice?
Thanks so much for listening X
I used to be a very regular poster on here after I developed horrendous health anxiety in 2012. I'm now largely a lot better and whilst I have a whole host of irrational thoughts about my health, I no longer Google symptoms or visit my GP for reassurance. The panic attacks have gone and I'm doing so much better. I think some time with a therapist and having a couple of kids has helped to sort me out!
However I can kind of feel myself heading for the brink again (it's a way off but I can see the signs...) but this time it's not my own health but that of my children that's causing me concern. This is very new- my HA has never centred on anyone but myself before (which in some ways feels more manageable.) To give some sort of context to this (and apologies to those who might have heard it before!!) my children have a varied medical history- my first child was born in 2012 and developed what appeared to be very severe reflux. After 8 weeks of projectile vomiting and countless GP visits he was finally diagnosed with pyloric stenosis (a problem with a stomach muscle) which was only correctable with surgery. Taking my 8 week old baby down to theatre at Great Ormond Street will stay with me forever. I've never been so scared. Thankfully he made a speedy recovery and has been a very robust child ever since. The day of his op still haunts me however. I sadly lost my second baby at 21 weeks after finding out it had severe brain damage and Spina Bifida. We were advised to terminate. We dealt with it reasonably well at the time- we had to as we had an 18month old to look after- but whilst my husband seems to have moved on, I still find myself crying almost daily with the guilt of the termination (even though there was little choice medically speaking). My third child was conceived very quickly after this and I had a trouble free pregnancy but understandably my nervousness about his health was quite pronounced- this was not helped when he had to be resuscitated at 6 months old after what we now know was an asthma attack. He was hospitalised every 4 weeks after that for a period of 10months whilst they tried to manage the attacks. He's now so much better and I'm more confident in dealing with his asthma but I'm now very very on edge about my children's health and can feel some of the old doubts creeping in and old behaviours returning. Currently I'm obsessing about Jude (my youngest) having some sort of cancer. He had a bad cold virus which (very temporarily) gave him irritable hip (which looks like a limp). This started all sorts of scary thoughts in my head. A GP checked him and said he was fine but I'm constantly wondering if he looks pale, why he's not eating as happily (he's entering the fussy phase and has a cold might be good reasons) is he still limping? And I'm googling childhood cancers and wondering when I can get him into see my preferred GP and if I can push for blood tests.
I do not want to be that mum. He's been in hospital so much, I can't put him through any more. And yet...I'm terrified, I can't concentrate at work and I'm emotional at home.
Do any parents have any tips about how they balance the reasonable ups and downs of childcare with having HA? Any advice?
Thanks so much for listening X