having HA when you're a parent

[Button1]

Hi guys!

I used to be a very regular poster on here after I developed horrendous health anxiety in 2012. I'm now largely a lot better and whilst I have a whole host of irrational thoughts about my health, I no longer Google symptoms or visit my GP for reassurance. The panic attacks have gone and I'm doing so much better. I think some time with a therapist and having a couple of kids has helped to sort me out!

However I can kind of feel myself heading for the brink again (it's a way off but I can see the signs...) but this time it's not my own health but that of my children that's causing me concern. This is very new- my HA has never centred on anyone but myself before (which in some ways feels more manageable.) To give some sort of context to this (and apologies to those who might have heard it before!!) my children have a varied medical history- my first child was born in 2012 and developed what appeared to be very severe reflux. After 8 weeks of projectile vomiting and countless GP visits he was finally diagnosed with pyloric stenosis (a problem with a stomach muscle) which was only correctable with surgery. Taking my 8 week old baby down to theatre at Great Ormond Street will stay with me forever. I've never been so scared. Thankfully he made a speedy recovery and has been a very robust child ever since. The day of his op still haunts me however. I sadly lost my second baby at 21 weeks after finding out it had severe brain damage and Spina Bifida. We were advised to terminate. We dealt with it reasonably well at the time- we had to as we had an 18month old to look after- but whilst my husband seems to have moved on, I still find myself crying almost daily with the guilt of the termination (even though there was little choice medically speaking). My third child was conceived very quickly after this and I had a trouble free pregnancy but understandably my nervousness about his health was quite pronounced- this was not helped when he had to be resuscitated at 6 months old after what we now know was an asthma attack. He was hospitalised every 4 weeks after that for a period of 10months whilst they tried to manage the attacks. He's now so much better and I'm more confident in dealing with his asthma but I'm now very very on edge about my children's health and can feel some of the old doubts creeping in and old behaviours returning. Currently I'm obsessing about Jude (my youngest) having some sort of cancer. He had a bad cold virus which (very temporarily) gave him irritable hip (which looks like a limp). This started all sorts of scary thoughts in my head. A GP checked him and said he was fine but I'm constantly wondering if he looks pale, why he's not eating as happily (he's entering the fussy phase and has a cold might be good reasons) is he still limping? And I'm googling childhood cancers and wondering when I can get him into see my preferred GP and if I can push for blood tests.

I do not want to be that mum. He's been in hospital so much, I can't put him through any more. And yet...I'm terrified, I can't concentrate at work and I'm emotional at home.

Do any parents have any tips about how they balance the reasonable ups and downs of childcare with having HA? Any advice?

Thanks so much for listening X

[Sam Winter]

Hello there Button sad to hear your HA is regrettable back too, its quite interesting because I have fears about myself but also others at the same time your post has helped me however as I'm currently fearing something but you've helped me to realize I should be rash and that I could of been as unfortunate as your poor children(really glad they're getting better!) anyways while I'm not a parent myself my sister is and has both post natal depression and her anxiety has naturally flared up since Em's birth(mine did too even though I'm just the aunt haha) the doctor put her on Citalopram and she's been doing much better she still has her fears and I mine but it really helped her having a second opinion, a friend or a parent who has been through it before, they can offer reassurance or advice on what to do if something happens and what to look out for, it can be really scary and so I am extremely proud of you for doing so well especially with your perfect children. sometimes we just need to take a step back and go "hold on a minute am I being realistic?" often times we worry more than we should and this helps, another good thing to do is detective work, if something happens think about what symptoms they really have and how bad it actually is, if they're functioning well, playing, smiling, or eating chances are it might not be as serious as you may think, maybe try speaking to someone you know who has children it might help :) also children/babies can be really fussy with food I've witnessed that first hand with my niece haha! x

[Mrschurchill]

If you read back on some of my posts I have been there (Maybe I still am? My wee one is doing ok at the moment).
I was convinced my daughter had leukemia. She's 3 and started nursery this year so picking up bugs left, right and centre! Every time she took a high temp it spiked my anxiety, every bruise fuelled it more. I was a mess and became obsessed with asking her if she was ok!
It wasn't until someone on this page explained that it actually was an obsession, and that I was so wrapped up in it that I pointed every tiny thing to Cancer. Obviously she is fine and a thriving nearly 4 year old but I was gripped in that fear for quite a long time!
PM me if you ever want to chat. These thoughts are the scariest of all in my opionion but I'm here and know what you're going through xx

[KeeKee]

Wow, I'm not suprised you have this given your history. I have a 9 year old and luckily (although to be honest it makes me feel abnormal) my health anxiety doesn't extend to her, it is genuinely only myself. My daughter gets migraines and was also sent home from school poorly yesterday but I never worry as I know it's 'normal'.

I have no advice to give as I don't suffer with it (other than with myself of course), but perhaps you need some therapy or something due to all you've been through. Like I say I'm not shocked in the slightest you have it as you've been through a lot.