New Relationship Worries....

[HunniBee]

Hi All,

I've not been on here in quite a while as I was feeling quite good but now....

I've met someone who I quite like, we get on, he's cute, funny, lovely but everytime I feel myself getting close to someone BANG there goes the anxiety and worry and panic.

I have no reason to, it happens every time I get close to someone, I read somewhere that I self sabotage, which is true, I do it with jobs, relationships but I don't know why but I really really want this one to work out because he is pretty awesome, I don't want to run away again.

Can anyone help or has been in a similar situation?

Help greatly appreciated!

HB xx

[SLA]

It's not self-sabotage. I don't believe anyone ever consciously chooses to make their life worse. So ignore that.

Most people get this kind of anxiety, because they are outside of their comfort zone. When you get into a relationship, the stakes are raised in life.

You suddenly have this person in your life who you love, and want to be with. Which is awesome!!

The problem comes because now you have potentially more to lose. It's why people fear success, because the downside is potentially losing it all.

The main thing to remember is that...

YOU WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO WORK. Your anxiety is just reacting because it recognises that change. But we don't have to react to it.

Once you roll with the anxiety and you expand your comfort zone, it goes away, and you are left with a nice relationship.

If you relent to the anxiety, you end up running off to avoid the anxious feeling, and you miss out on the great relationship.

So... put up with the anxiety for now, work through it, it doesnt last forever. Because you want this relationship.

[HunniBee]

Thanks for your reply :)

How do you deal with the anxiety? Sometimes its so overwhelming that I just want to pick up the phone and say nope, I am done and run away as then the anxiety relents and goes away.

I've done this with most things in life to be fair just to get rid of that feeling. The feeling where you cannot concentrate on anything but the anxiety. Even my medication is not really helping, just taking the edge off slightly but not helping like it used to.

I am so used to running...its hard not to! But like you said I will be missing out and then I will be alone forever....

HB xx