JupiterFalling
25-10-16, 16:15
Hello all,
I'm very excited to have found this website! For years I've been bouncing from site to site only to have my favorites shut down or become inactive.
I am a 23 year old woman living in Ontario, Canada. Winter is coming... so there will be much more screen time.
I'm married with fur-babies (2 dogs and a cat). I work full time as an accounting clerk and I'm taking night classes to get my university degree.
I've had social anxiety since I was in grade 3. There was a traumatic incident where my teacher miswrote the date my 'all about me' presentation was due, so on the due date when I had to present (and I had nothing with me) she made me stand in front of the class and berated me. I cried in front of everyone and had a meltdown at home. Then the next day she had to apologize in front of the class... I blocked the memory out - I remember almost everything else from that year - my parents had to tell me what happened. I was in a downward spiral all year where my grades plummeted and I acted out.
After that incident I started speaking less and less. There were of course more embarrassing incidents in school over the next few years and by the time I hit puberty in grade 6, I pretty much stopped speaking. I was the kid sitting alone in the playground at recess. The only benefit was that even the bullies were kind to me because I never said the wrong thing and always had a kind smile.
High school wasn't much better. I started out with no friends, had a couple that I had in elementary school transfer into my high school. Then our group gained a couple more... by grade 12 it all fell apart with drama and it was just me and one friend, who then turned her back to me after graduation. I did end up leaving high school with a boyfriend that I ended up marrying.
College was a nightmare. I was in a class of 30+ people who I did not know, my teacher knew better than to call on me in class. I was known as the 'quiet one' as I had always been known. Luckily in the final year there was only a few of us left and I could manage talking to my peers. But then it was over.
My first real job was also a nightmare. I worked in a mid-sized business but only directly with one person. We bonded and I opened up to her, she felt like my best friend... until she stabbed my in the back and revealed her two-face nature. After that I learned that you can't have friends at work... no one else liked me because they thought I was so quiet because I was stuck up.
I finally landed myself in a small organization (literally 3 people) where I can actually speak and share my ideas. I am enrolled in university night classes online - which really takes the whole social aspect out of the situation and lets me focus 100% on studying.
I've come a long way since my teen years but I still have a long way to go. Don't ask me into a group of more than 3 people - not even 3 if I don't know someone. I spend most of my free time cooped up in my apartment with my pets because I am so anxious.
I take beta-blockers for multiple issues and it seems to help with my anxiety to a point. I also got daith peircings in both of my ears to see if it'd help but it only helps my migraines, not my anxiety. My doctor doesn't know what to do with me at this point - my blood pressure is treated yet still too high so he says I need to stop stressing about literally everything. But then that makes me stress about stress. I tried counselling and just found it a huge waste of money.
On top of the anxiety I am pretty sure I am depressed, I don't want to bring that up to my doctor though because I am on enough pills as it is! My way of coping with all of this is to escape into fantasy through daydreams... if my husband is not home I can literally spend hours pacing with my headphones in pretending that I am a princess or part of a movie. My daydreams are getting to the point where I might actually need to get help... it is like an addiction really.
I'm very excited to have found this website! For years I've been bouncing from site to site only to have my favorites shut down or become inactive.
I am a 23 year old woman living in Ontario, Canada. Winter is coming... so there will be much more screen time.
I'm married with fur-babies (2 dogs and a cat). I work full time as an accounting clerk and I'm taking night classes to get my university degree.
I've had social anxiety since I was in grade 3. There was a traumatic incident where my teacher miswrote the date my 'all about me' presentation was due, so on the due date when I had to present (and I had nothing with me) she made me stand in front of the class and berated me. I cried in front of everyone and had a meltdown at home. Then the next day she had to apologize in front of the class... I blocked the memory out - I remember almost everything else from that year - my parents had to tell me what happened. I was in a downward spiral all year where my grades plummeted and I acted out.
After that incident I started speaking less and less. There were of course more embarrassing incidents in school over the next few years and by the time I hit puberty in grade 6, I pretty much stopped speaking. I was the kid sitting alone in the playground at recess. The only benefit was that even the bullies were kind to me because I never said the wrong thing and always had a kind smile.
High school wasn't much better. I started out with no friends, had a couple that I had in elementary school transfer into my high school. Then our group gained a couple more... by grade 12 it all fell apart with drama and it was just me and one friend, who then turned her back to me after graduation. I did end up leaving high school with a boyfriend that I ended up marrying.
College was a nightmare. I was in a class of 30+ people who I did not know, my teacher knew better than to call on me in class. I was known as the 'quiet one' as I had always been known. Luckily in the final year there was only a few of us left and I could manage talking to my peers. But then it was over.
My first real job was also a nightmare. I worked in a mid-sized business but only directly with one person. We bonded and I opened up to her, she felt like my best friend... until she stabbed my in the back and revealed her two-face nature. After that I learned that you can't have friends at work... no one else liked me because they thought I was so quiet because I was stuck up.
I finally landed myself in a small organization (literally 3 people) where I can actually speak and share my ideas. I am enrolled in university night classes online - which really takes the whole social aspect out of the situation and lets me focus 100% on studying.
I've come a long way since my teen years but I still have a long way to go. Don't ask me into a group of more than 3 people - not even 3 if I don't know someone. I spend most of my free time cooped up in my apartment with my pets because I am so anxious.
I take beta-blockers for multiple issues and it seems to help with my anxiety to a point. I also got daith peircings in both of my ears to see if it'd help but it only helps my migraines, not my anxiety. My doctor doesn't know what to do with me at this point - my blood pressure is treated yet still too high so he says I need to stop stressing about literally everything. But then that makes me stress about stress. I tried counselling and just found it a huge waste of money.
On top of the anxiety I am pretty sure I am depressed, I don't want to bring that up to my doctor though because I am on enough pills as it is! My way of coping with all of this is to escape into fantasy through daydreams... if my husband is not home I can literally spend hours pacing with my headphones in pretending that I am a princess or part of a movie. My daydreams are getting to the point where I might actually need to get help... it is like an addiction really.