I'm back - relapse

[AngryMonkey]

Hi All,

I've not been here since April 2014 but a few things have changed and I wanted to get some advice.

I was really struggling with anxiety and depression a couple of years ago, which seemed to be due to stress at work and a particularly unsympathetic manager. Each time I tried to discuss my worries with her and got upset, she would huff and puff and make me feel even more stupid. Eventually, I stopped trying, things got worse at home with my partner and it got to the point that something needed to change. I changed jobs (within the same company) and had CBT, following a long stint on Citalopram.

CBT was the best thing I've done and I can recognise the signs now before I spiral out of control but recently I've found myself unable to cope. There have been changes at work which have increased my anxiety levels as I'm not convinced my job is safe. In a meeting recently, having been off for a couple of days with flu, someone spoke to me in a really aggressive way and I completely lost it. I cried and told everyone how I was feeling. The person in question rolled her eyes, turned away and hasn't spoken to me since.

I've raised it with my manager who is fully aware of my struggles in the past but he seems reluctant to address it. I spend my nights at home worrying about it, my days at work crying and I just can't think straight to pull myself together. If I go to the doctors, I'm convinced I'll be signed off and because of the job security worries, I think being off will make it worse. I have a holiday coming up in just under two weeks. If I'm still feeling like this when I get back, I'll go. In the meantime, I don't know what to do or who to speak to so I thought I'd come back here and see if anyone has been in the same boat with work and how they've coped.

Ange x

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya AngryMonkey and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[AngryMonkey]

Thanks - it really helped last time (and the time before!) :blush:

[fduop]

Good morning AngryMonkey. I really understand where you are coming from on all fronts. First I've been on this roller coaster of anxiety and panic for a long time and I get how you feel when no one seems to understand your situation. Even in 2016 mental problems are so taboo with the public and at work. To some degree everyone suffers from stress, yet we never speak of it. Most simply hide in the closet and do whatever they do and that's really sad.

I am no professional just a fellow sufferer, I would suggest trying mindfulness training such as mediation. I've discovered that by letting go of the worry and the "what if" thoughts, it may not be perfect, but at some point you'll feel better. There are plenty of free helps on the Internet for meditative training. Just be aware of where you go and the intention of the training.

The main thing is be proactive in making yourself better. It's great that you came to NMP and here you can find alternative helps to your struggle. Best to you journey AngerMonkey.

[bertha]

I am sorry to read what is going on maybe there are self help groups near you as usually there is a long waiting list for cbt.

When you are not feeling so good things that we might normally shrug off often tend to upset or annoy us many feel like this.

Just see how you feel after your holiday :)