moving house with agoraphobia and 9 years housebound

[littlevoice70]

I have not left the house in nearly ten years only for doctors appts. My daughter and 2 year old granddaughter have just moved out into a place of their own. My son is at Uni and comes home in the holidays and i am alone in a 3 bed family home. I have GAD and severe agoraphobia but have recently felt a strong need for change and have been looking at council exchanges. The house i am currently is in a prime location and sought after so i know i have a good bargaining tool, however i have fell in love with an old victorian end terrace house in a not so desirable area in the same town about 10mins away by car at the other end of town. Before i became ill it has always been my dream home, ive even plucked up the courage to go and view it with the help of the heavy anti anxiety meds im on. Also having to cope with a fear of being alone since my daughter who is also my carer moved out. I want to move but the thought of it is making me feel ill, ive managed to cover up and stall the tenant with varies fibs to keep by myself time before i commit, but im running out of time. The thought of losing it to my inability to commit and fear, makes me feel completely depressed but relief that i dont have to put myself through it but then i start hating where i am currently and hating myself for not being able to do it. Ihave severe anticipation anxiety and when i think of getting the ball rolling and thoughts of them coming into my home with their stuff and going passed the point of no return i feel quite unwell. Some family members have said im not ready but i have been trapped in this house for 10 yrs with no end in sight and im not getting any younger, what do i do, please help.

[Carnation]

Ok. Firstly, nothing is set in stone. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do or feel uncomfortable with.

Let's look at what you have said here.



"I fell in love with it".

That's a good sign. :)



"Not so desirable area"

That's not so good.

So, hence why you are having difficulty making a decision.
It's a 50/50 decision.

Then ask yourself why you are moving?
What will you gain out of it?
Will you regret it if you don't move?
Is it beneficiary for you and your wellbeing?
Why do the family think you are not ready?

If the move is going to make you ill, then maybe it is not a good idea.
Then again, If you plucked up the courage to go and see it, then it may be something you want so bad, that you found the strength to do this?

Feeling pressured will only make your anxiety worse.
And there is a saying, 'If in doubt, do nowt'.

I would write down all the pros and cons, have a chat with your family again, then make a decision on that. I personally feel that the 'Want' has to be massively strong to make a move like this, but the final decision has to be with you. x

[littlevoice70]

Thank you for your advice.This might sound silly but i feel alive when i think about the house.It's on the outskirts of the bad area, it's on a street of privately own houses and a pub on the corner which i find appealing because there is life going on all around it, where as here i'm stuck in a car park. However if it wasn't a period property i would not be interested. It's one of kind and there are no council properties like this elsewhere in the town they are all post war which i don't like. Where i am now is the area i was born and grew up in with some fond memories and it's all familiar and safe but my home holds a lot of bad memories leading up to my incarceration and 9 yrs to present day. The fact that i am safely in a comfort zone is grating on me more now than ever before, i started to feel this way when my daughter left home 3 mths ago. The reason why my family think i'm not ready is because i had a breakdown 6 years ago when 2 members of my family died within 5 wks of each other and i sat in a chair on valium for a year and because i said " What if i get ill and find it's a mistake" i think they are worried it might happen again and i'd be a burden to them again which they dont want! I started looking at homeswaps a while ago and found it created a big distraction from the reality of my daughter moving out because prior to her going i leaned on her heavily emotionally as i had and still have monophobia[ fear of being alone] so when she left and i found this house i became obsessed with it, it also helped me with my son being home who also suffers with anxiety which is not good for me because i have to help him if he gets anxious! So with an increase in my meds from my psychiatrist and my distraction i found i could just about cope ok. I thought that when my son returned to Uni i would forget all about it and carry on, but i found i couldn't, i had fallen in love with it, but thought it wouldn't go any further when it came to viewing it as i wouldn't be able to go and it would be game over, but i did go and still can't believe i did, having not gone anywhere at all not even to Docs for 2 half years. So i'm thinking that it must be a good thing rather than bad and not a distraction after all? My psychiatrist came to see me and i told her i was prepared to go and see it and that i would rather be agoraphobic in a different house and start my exposure from there, she said she thought i was ready to do this and that it would be good for me but because these appts are quite rushed i forgot to tell her that it started as a distraction from the fear i had to the changes occuring when my daughter left and my son returned which leaves me wondering if she would have said the same thing having been told of this? I am waiting for a telephone appt at the moment so i can tell her this. Normally when my son returns to Uni i become completely motivated to OCD clean and prepare for xmas but i am doing none of this, i am living like a hermit in my bedroom with no motivation at all, but i have been told that i'm mentally resting after all the trauma of my daughter going?? but that might have been the case while my son was still here but he's been gone over a month now and i have still done nothing and the thought of cleaning makes me depressed, but i feel excited and motivated when i think of cleaning the other house and i feel anxious at the thought of it not being mine. I wish i could just be transported there with my stuff and skip the bit in between, as it's the waiting and the informing of landlords and making it official that i cant seem to find the courage to commit to. In my head all the time it goes from being sure i can do it to being convinced i cant. When i think i can do it i feel good and i get some motivation and confidence back, then i feel utter dread and depressed at the thought of spending any more time in here if i cant do it. It feels like you are coming up for parole in your own prison then not letting yourself be granted it! and sentencing yourself to life inprisonment again!:weep::weep:

[Phuzella]

Go for it. It's the only way :) :)

---------- Post added at 20:24 ---------- Previous post was at 20:20 ----------

The last time I had severe agoraphobia years ago, I sat huddled in the back of the car while hubby and kids played on the beach.
All of a sudden I found myself opening the car and running towards the sea. At the water's edge I stopped and looked back. Vast expanse of beach was scary but exhilarating. I've never looked back ��

[littlevoice70]

Thank you for your advice. I know what that feels like to constantly miss out on things whilst someone else does it for you and you are not part of that moment. My daughter gave birth to my first Grandchild 2 years ago and although she had her partner there she needed me and i couldn't be there for her. I have also missed funerals of loved ones. My son graduates next year and i don't think i can go to that as it's a ten hour journey one way. It 's very hard to see your family and friends having to live life without you in it, i feel like a ghost. You get so comfortable in your safety zone that you think it's good for you and that any bad feeling must mean that the situation causing it is wrong and should be avoided at all cost. This thought process is what i must try and apply to me moving house. That just because it's making me feel extremely anxious it doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do because underneath all the panic is the truth. Easier said than done though for someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder being one of my many diagnosed problems.:unsure:

[Carnation]

Littlevoice, if you feel the desire to have this house is so strong and you think it could be a turn around for you, then maybe should go for it. It has to be your decision, but I know it is not an easy one to make.
I know what it is like to be monophobic, I am too, but I know for a fact that this can be challenged and overcome, as Phuzella has already told you.
I the 'Want' is strong enough, you can achieve almost anything.
Good Luck with your decision. x