Want to be me again
27-10-16, 22:39
Hello all,
I am a 24 year old male from the United States. For most of my life I have been a chronic worrier and suffered from anxiety. When I was in high school I had a severe phobia of dying and it consumed my life. That is when I first started suffering from panic attacks and constant thoughts. I never sought help and the panic attacks and constant anxiety eventually subsided although I still suffered from the worry, but it was manageable.
Fast forward to March of 2015 and that is where the worry really reared it's ugly head again. I was putting a lot of stress on myself to preform well in the Police Academy and no matter what happened I would take any situation and spin it into the worst Stephen King novel ending you could possibly imagine. It had consumed my life. Things that I would normally have excitement for seemed dull and I had no interest. It progressed and progressed until it began to effect my daily life and my relationships. It was so bad that on the graduation day of my academy i just thought of different situations that would negatively effect my career and cause me anguish instead of enjoying myself.
On August 30, 2016 for some reason I hit rock bottom. I could not sleep, my mind did not stop wandering to these "what if" situations. The majority of my day was me in a constant argument with my thoughts and trying to rationalize why what I was thinking wouldn't happen. It got to the point where the constant worry was turning into a depression and I had no motivation to get off the couch, go to work, and when I went places with my family and friends I was not "present" and was too consumed with my thoughts.
On September 6, 2016 I got to the point where I could not take it anymore and went to my doctor to seek help. My doctor prescribed me 20mg of Citalopram and .5 mg of Lorazepam and recommended counseling which I am currently doing. Naturally as anyone with chronic worry I researched every review I could find on the drugs I was about to take. As is normal there were both negative and positive reviews but I was eager to feel better so I began to take them as prescribed. I was pleasantly surprised that I did not suffer from most of the side effects that were mentioned. I had a bout of the yawns and I couldn't really sleep at night but that was the extent of it. I got what I figured was a placebo effect the first few days and felt better but then went back to the racing thoughts. As time progressed I felt a little better each week and started feeling somewhat normal. I was beginning to enjoy work and worried less. I was still having worrisome thoughts but they wouldn't linger.
During this time I proposed to my girlfriend and she accepted. Then the quick paced wedding planning began. While that was going on we ended up seeing a house we liked and began the process of purchasing our first home. I was really excited and had no real concerns seeing how we both are financially secure. All of a sudden out of nowhere the last week the negative thoughts and depressed feelings have been returning. I am having the same dull blah outlook that I used to have when I should be excited for all the positive changes occurring in my life.
At this point I have been taking Citalopram for just over 7 weeks. Is this still too early to feel the full effects? I am concerned because I was seeing progress and now it seems as if I am regressing? Should I go to my doctor and seek a higher dose? I am not one to usually reach out but I thought that reaching out to individuals who are going to the same things may be able to give me insight and advice.
I just want to feel like my old happy self again.
I am a 24 year old male from the United States. For most of my life I have been a chronic worrier and suffered from anxiety. When I was in high school I had a severe phobia of dying and it consumed my life. That is when I first started suffering from panic attacks and constant thoughts. I never sought help and the panic attacks and constant anxiety eventually subsided although I still suffered from the worry, but it was manageable.
Fast forward to March of 2015 and that is where the worry really reared it's ugly head again. I was putting a lot of stress on myself to preform well in the Police Academy and no matter what happened I would take any situation and spin it into the worst Stephen King novel ending you could possibly imagine. It had consumed my life. Things that I would normally have excitement for seemed dull and I had no interest. It progressed and progressed until it began to effect my daily life and my relationships. It was so bad that on the graduation day of my academy i just thought of different situations that would negatively effect my career and cause me anguish instead of enjoying myself.
On August 30, 2016 for some reason I hit rock bottom. I could not sleep, my mind did not stop wandering to these "what if" situations. The majority of my day was me in a constant argument with my thoughts and trying to rationalize why what I was thinking wouldn't happen. It got to the point where the constant worry was turning into a depression and I had no motivation to get off the couch, go to work, and when I went places with my family and friends I was not "present" and was too consumed with my thoughts.
On September 6, 2016 I got to the point where I could not take it anymore and went to my doctor to seek help. My doctor prescribed me 20mg of Citalopram and .5 mg of Lorazepam and recommended counseling which I am currently doing. Naturally as anyone with chronic worry I researched every review I could find on the drugs I was about to take. As is normal there were both negative and positive reviews but I was eager to feel better so I began to take them as prescribed. I was pleasantly surprised that I did not suffer from most of the side effects that were mentioned. I had a bout of the yawns and I couldn't really sleep at night but that was the extent of it. I got what I figured was a placebo effect the first few days and felt better but then went back to the racing thoughts. As time progressed I felt a little better each week and started feeling somewhat normal. I was beginning to enjoy work and worried less. I was still having worrisome thoughts but they wouldn't linger.
During this time I proposed to my girlfriend and she accepted. Then the quick paced wedding planning began. While that was going on we ended up seeing a house we liked and began the process of purchasing our first home. I was really excited and had no real concerns seeing how we both are financially secure. All of a sudden out of nowhere the last week the negative thoughts and depressed feelings have been returning. I am having the same dull blah outlook that I used to have when I should be excited for all the positive changes occurring in my life.
At this point I have been taking Citalopram for just over 7 weeks. Is this still too early to feel the full effects? I am concerned because I was seeing progress and now it seems as if I am regressing? Should I go to my doctor and seek a higher dose? I am not one to usually reach out but I thought that reaching out to individuals who are going to the same things may be able to give me insight and advice.
I just want to feel like my old happy self again.