So scared of something happening

[Mummytofour]

Hi,

Wondering if there's anyone else thinking like me at the moment. I don't know if this is the right place to post or not but I am guessing it's health anxiety just slightly different.

I am so so scared of death and dying. All I can think about all day is how I am not going to be here one day and whether I will at least get to old age or whether my worst fear will come true and I will get some sort of terminal illness at some point and won't even live a long life. Then I worry that my kids may end up also getting something as they get older and how I wouldn't be able to stop it and god it's all so awful. As much as I tell myself that I need to just live in the day and not think about the future etc etc it won't go!. I am living in a state of complete despair over this. I am petrified all day about this and just want it to stop.

Maxine

[EKB]

I used to get scared like that when I was younger. Still do some days. I'll start to think of it and my blood runs cold.

There's no easy answer to making those thoughts stop. I've tried yoga, meditation, distraction. They all help, but they don't eliminated. When my defenses are down and I'm feeling low it's worse.

It might be a good idea to talk to someone - a friend, family member, or therapist. Therapists are good because they have to listen to you and not dismiss you - and they are an impartial third party who might be able to figure out the root of your fear.

You're not alone. I hope you find something that works for you. ::hugs::

[Mummytofour]

Thanks for replying. I have been to my gp who has put me back on citalopram which I was on for 3 years until 6 months ago although that was for anxiety but it was different then. I going through a rough time at the moment with medication start up but hoping more than anything that it stops the thoughts as I so badly want to just live again and not be consumed by the worst case scenarios.
I look at my kids everyday and I just want life to be good to them and I am getting ready eyed today just looking at them and thinking of the 'what ifs' etc. I wish I could stay in this time forever, safe with my other half and kids as they are. X

[Mrschurchill]

Oh Maxine I have those exact worries. I have booked a great holiday to Florida in May and I can't get excited about it as I feel like something will happen that will stop us from going!
Death fear is so scary, I find myself thinking about and making myself feel sick!
Do you feel like a constant feeling of dread? I live with this feeling everyday and it sucks! x

[Mummytofour]

Yes Mrs Churchill,

All day I just think these things and feel this awful like black hole in the pit of my stomach. I have been fighting back tears today as I can't help but think this will happen to me. That's the worst thing is that it's not something that won't happen and so you can tell yourself that it's stupid etc as it will happen and all we can hope for is it's when we're old and ready but even that's not a certainty.

At the moment I can't enjoy anything except hugging my kids and other half as I feel like I am at least spending time close to them and nothing else matters which is no life to live though either x

[Thorok]

Hello, :welcome:

I've found myself doing exactly the same thing, although mine is not health anxiety specifically... I've worried over death before.

I just want to iterate here, I sincerely don't mean this to sound insensitive. I just hope that it may provide some benefit to you, as it helps me with my anxieties.

Maxine, the only advice I can give you here is the fact that there are some things out of out of our control. Truth is no one really knows when that time will come. If some thing we are worrying over is virtually out of our control... and I know it's really hard, but just tell yourself that these ideas and thoughts aren't of a situation or event you can control, then surely.. it's not worth spending our time pacing up and down for, right?

A realization between our anxiety, and being rational can really help with these things, and has helped me before. It's not easy, by god I know that.

Try your best not to let this control you, instead take the kids and hubby out and have some food and fun :hugs:

Good luck and tell us how you get along.

[unsure_about_this]

I feel the same way, I worked in a funeral directors on placement doing my NVQ in IT years ago, no idea why the training provider sent me here.

I worry about my health a lot, I done a lot during my life so far visited some wonderful places in the world, some probably more scary than me health worries.

[michelle_m]

I feel you! I have this bad too! It is always there to a degree and will get better and then worse again. I feel like I have so much more to do in life and don't want to leave my family. I know it doesn't help to worry about it. One thing that helps me a bit is to get in touch with my spiritual beliefs. That will help me but then it flares up again. I wish I had a total fix for it.

[lucy216]

I have this exact same feeling always!! It definitely helps to realize you can't be in control of everything, and it's comforting to get back into spiritual beliefs (regardless of what you believe in). I get used to get really worried about why things they way they are and why I'm here etc. to the point where I couldn't leave my house, with time and talking to a therapist, these feelings are becoming more manageable! I'm so sorry you're feeling like this though, I know it's tough, hang in there!

[Mummytofour]

Thanks for all your responses. I just cannot get away from the horrible thoughts. Some days I am managing to push it aside for a bit but it comes back again. I do tell myself all the time that there's no point in worrying about these things as it's not going to change anything and what will be will be but still can't shake it.

It's nice to know that I am not alone in this although at the same time I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I just feel like it is going to be me who comes down with something awful and imagine being told the news that I only have a certain time left and how devastating that would be and the fear is unreal. I just am so scared of what the future holds for me and my family. I love them all so much I can't imagine ever having to be without them 😥. I know it happens to us all eventually and eventually I can kind of deal with right now as I know if I am old then my kids will also be old and maybe have their own families etc and be ok but it's the thoughts of getting something terminal in 5,10,15 years down the line that's scaring me so bad x

[Fishmanpa]

Mof4...

One of the things you (and anyone suffering in a similar manner) should take into consideration here is the actual affect this is having on your family. This is not to make you feel guilty believe me. This is to make you aware that the very thing you fear (leaving your family behind) is actually happening now due to your constant worry and fear. I have real medical issues that can bury me 6 feet under. You have a condition that is essentially doing that to you above ground.

Also, please realize that regardless of how well you think you're hiding this, children are much more intuitive than we give them credit for and they pick up on moods, feelings, body language, facial expressions etc.

I remember when my 1st wife and I were struggling in our marriage. It had been going on for some time and my daughter (then 5 years old) said..."How come you and mommy don't hug and kiss like other mommies and daddies?" That broke my heart and made me realize our problems were affecting the kids.

The meds should help you cope with these feelings but also look into counseling. I know personally, when I was dealing with the aftermath of my 1st heart attack that the depression I was suffering with was affecting more than just me. It was affecting my work and personal relationships. I sought help, took meds and went to therapy for 6 months to learn how to cope and deal with it. I did the same after my 2nd heart attack and cancer and I will do the same along with my wife when we come out of this latest crisis with her illness. It's affecting me more than I care to admit but I know it is. She's going to have issues and frustrations to deal with as well.

So when we have situations or mental struggles that affect us negatively, we have to take the steps to help ourselves because doing so helps not only us but those who love us.

Positive thoughts

[Mummytofour]

Fishmanpa,

Thanks for reading and taking time to respond to me. I am very sorry that you and your wife are going through trouble with health problems at the moment and wish you both well. It does make me feel awful to think that there are people going through what I fear and I do count my blessings and am so thankful for what I have which is currently a relatively healthy family.

I tell myself all the time that I shouldn't be thinking like this and to count my blessing for what I have now and not what may be one day and believe it or not I am very good at being logical in most situations and even when reasoning with myself but none the less the anxiety has taken hold and I wake up with the thoughts immediately. It's just the anxiety amplifying my worst fears to keep me trapped in this state and I know that. Luckily my evenings are starting to get a little clearer now so slowly I am getting some of me back. X