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wecandoit
02-04-07, 17:32
Hello everyone, I'm here to ask for some advice.

Around 18 months ago, I was living abroad and I met a girl online. We instantly fell for each other and have emailed and talked on the phone almost every day since. She's amazing and has helped me through some really tough times - I feel more connected to her than anybody and we really love each other. She had a tough time last year, came through a traumatic famaily bereavement and in doing so lost a lot of confidence. Since then she's built her life back together and come through depression. I'm so proud of her and she's my inspiration.

Our only problem is meeting each other. I have to say I've been pushing for this since virtually the day we started talking. I wanted to help her through rough times and be with her. She wanted to leave it until she'd overcome her grief and depression as she wanted us to have the chance of a 'happier' relationship. I have found this very difficult at times, and at one point tried to move on with somebody else as I was afraid we'd never get to meet. But we always found our way back to each other, and I know she's the one for me.

She's scared she won't live up to my expectations of her and panics everytime we try to arrange meeting. She's so scared we'll lose what we have, we both know our dynamic might change a bit and can accept that, but she's scared she'll be awkward and act odd in front of me. We've discussed social anxiety disorder and she says she does have some of the symptoms - she's often shy and nervous around new people, and does experience general anxiety.

Can anyone advice how we can go about meeting each other? Its something we both want to do, and want to sort it out as we both miss each other so much and just want to be together. I'll see if she wants to post on this thread too, to give a balanced side of the story.

Any advice or success stories would be fantastic!

Thank you.

sarah1984
02-04-07, 22:48
Hi there!
Not sure how much I can help but I have met a few people I've spoken to on the net in the past. I think you've been wonderfully supportive to this girl and that you've already formed a very close bond. While it might be scary and feel a bit strange when you first meet, I think that because you have such a connection, such feelings will soon disappear. Make sure you keep on reassuring her-let her know how much you care. Try to meet somewhere that's relatively quiet and non-intimidating so you can chat and relax. I hope things go well for you both,
Sarah :)

wecandoit
03-04-07, 10:45
Hello Sarah, thank you for your reply :)

The concept of us meeting is fine, we can work out the logistics. It's just that she's okay with it in her head but when it comes to the day she panics and kind of freezes and can't do it. Have you got any advice for how to get through that stage? I think it would be better if we talked on the phone while we were preparing to meet, as we tend to calm and relax each other anyway. She says she's willing to try hypnosis or calming/visualisation techniques - can anyone recommend any books or CDs?

I had hypnosis a few years ago for driving anxiety and it really helped to relax me so maybe something like that would work.

sarah1984
04-04-07, 10:44
Hi again!
I'm very sorry that I can't be of more help-I used to be quite shy, but I've never had social anxiety myself-I had GAD instead. However, I'm sure there must be others on here who can help more than I can! I just hope things work out well for the both of you.
Sarah