Burden to my kids

[tricia56]

Sorry I know I post often on here but the past few wks I've been really struggling especially with HA and started to have panic attacks a lot but this morning I ended up foning 999 up because the past few days I've been getting numbness tingling in my arms and legs and my upper right arm was very tight and I kept going lightheaded I just went into panic mode my daughter who lives with me less her tried to calm me down instead of foning 999 but I wouldn't have none of it and I got abit angry with her and said well if I die it's on ur head I know that was a horrible thing to say to her and afterwards I couldn't say sorry enough to heras she got really upset and all she wanted to do was to reassure me I was ok and didn't need a abulance but I won't listen to her I always need reassurance only off someone who is a doctor or medical profession which I know that is the wrong thing to do as it doesn't help my anxiety, I just feel a burden to my children because of the way I am as my daughter ended foning the rest of my children because she is worried about me and I don't want to keep worring them all the time over me , please don't judge me because I did what I did and wasted the paramedics time and upsetting my daughter, I know I have been judged before on here by some embers for not helping myself by not taking medication or not doing things to help myself but I do try doing things but not the medication root i am waiting for therapy with the mental health team which I've been waiting since march on the waiting list. I just wish I didn't feel such a burden .

[Phuzella]

Don't just wait for the therapy. Look into minfulness meditation

[SLA]

Tricia, I love you.

If its any consolation, in the midst of a horrendous panic attack once, I also demanded an ambulance be called.

In the end I called my best mate, who came and took me to the hospital.

I thought I was going to die in his car. In a weird way, I was at peace at that time.

YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN

I repeat that...

YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN

You are in a very vulnerable and sensitive frame of mind. Every sensation feels important, and you are hyper-sensitised to everything.

For the next minute, I just want you to relax.

ONE MINUTE.... just relax like there isnt a problem. You can worry again in a minute if you want, but for now please relax.

All the sensations you mention are due to anxiety.

If you focus enough on one part of the body, then you will feel tingling.

You need to turn your focus onto other things, and start giving your brain a rest.

[tricia56]

Thk u so much ska for your kindness and advice x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hey Tricia, you're not a burden! I know what you mean, I've been through all that thinking. It's just part of these conditions and can lead us into feeling low or depressed.

I know you sometimes feel judged over the meds but seriously, don't think about that on here. It's never as simple as "take med, feel better" which it is sometimes portrayed on here. It's a difficult path to take and not everyone agrees with it anyway.

[Magic]

Hi trish, Sorry I was not able to get to the internet when you posted.
I think SLA has given you good advice. I would say the same.
You are not a burden, just relax.
I hope you soon have your date for your therapy. :hugs:x

[dale12345]

You are not a burden!!!!!!!!!!

[brucealmighty]

just to echo the others here you`re not a burden, we all wish we were normal, no trouble to anyone, wonderful inspiring types but its not that simple. I`ve lost count of the times I`ve known 100% that my wife and kids would be better off with someone else, someone upbeat who didn`t sh*t themselves at social gatherings or have to prepare for a simple trip in the car as if I was about to invade a foreign country.

I`m a large and somewhat unfriendly looking person I`m told, but inside I`m still 5 or 6 and just wanting to fit in, have the right trainers, the new bike, know the right jokes or watch the programmes that will be talked about tomorrow. I never seem to be in the right place at the right time if you know what I mean?

we are all on here because we don`t quite fit the mould, and we all help each other whether its OCD, health anxiety or generally not quite feeling right somehow

you`re no burden to us, there are plenty of us here who`ll carry you if you`re feeling a bit knackered. breathe steady, make lists of things that you like or used to like, anything at all to make a little headway. and there`s always someone on here day or night if you`re struggling.

I`m steady just now but tomorrow it could be me curled up in a ball absolutely crapping myself about nothing in particular and it might be you that picks me up.

take care

[KeeKee]

Tricia I understand the feeling as I too feel like a burden on my household, including my child who I feel has a less than fun childhood. I try to counter these thoughts by telling myself I gave her the gift of life and I'm also doing the best I can do, which I'm sure you are too. If you just gave up and didn't try then that maybe different but you haven't.

I too will not take medication, I took it for almost 6 years and know enough about it to make an informed choice and I won't turn back. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to take medication.

[pulisa]

I often think that my family would be better off without me because I can't do things which other people appear to do with ease and I'm sure people think that I'm a freak. But maybe they don't. Maybe I'm just too hard on myself as you are on yourself? We do our best in the circumstances.

I do think you should try to stop yourself from calling the paramedics when you have diagnosed anxiety symptoms though. Maybe just use the forum rather than reach for the phone?

[NoraB]

Tricia, you're NOT a burden love.

I had OH call an ambulance back in Feb and he and my 7 year old son, who is autistic, were dragged out to the hospital at 5am all to be told it was a panic attack. I was utterly convinced I was having a heart attack and everybody on here who has ever suffered a major panic attack will understand how terrifying it is. I think that most people will say they've had at least one trip to A&E...

None of us choose to be like this. Nobody would choose anxiety over being well. Initially I felt bad for dragging my family through that but I know I can't change it. All I can do is put some serious effort into making myself better. I've also been the carer for somebody who had a nervous breakdown many years ago and there was never the thought that they were a burden to me, only a desire for them to be well again.

There's a lot to be said for mindfulness and they will most likely suggest it when you have your therapy. Why wait? Do it now. Loads of books out there or articles on the net. I stopped my medication as it was making me worse so I would never judge anybody not medicating. It's not the answer for everybody. I found CBT to be helpful. I hope you do too.

[tricia56]

Sorry I haven't replied to u all before now as I didn't have no internet.thank you all so very much for giving me your time and kindness and support can't thank you all enough, I'm going to do my very best to help myself more instead of just sitting worring and thinking of anxiety 24/7 like I always do and not be so scared of all the anxiety symtoms as that's wat happens even tho I know deep down its anxiety I just don't believe it as I always think wat if these symtoms are not anxiety and I just panic then and I have to get checked over because I think if I don't get checked over it might be too late which I know is irrational and I need to change that way of thinking hopefully therapy will help me do that but in the mean time I'm going to look into mindfulness and ways to try and change my thought patterns I know I have along way to go and is going to be hard but I just need to start believing in myself that I can learn and manage anxiety and get it to the normal levels it should be instead of feeding it constantly.so thank you once again for all your support.

[dale12345]

I cant count the times I have thought my daughter would be better off without me. Someone who isnt always freaking out about everything. My point being I understand completely.Part of anxiety and depression is thinking people are better off with out you and guilt. You are someone with a medical condition because anxiety is a real condition. Would you say you were a burden if you had another medical condition.I really hope you feel better very soon. :hugs: