View Full Version : Is this the end for me?
I'm 22 (as of yesterday) and feel like my life is fallen apart. I had health anxiety when I was about 16 and had cbt which successfully treated it. However, I had my baby almost 8 months ago now and about 4 months post birth I began experiencing some awful symptoms which have gotten progressively worse. I am also hndrt a huge amount of stress. Symptoms Such as:
- DizziNess (constant feeling of being off balance and feeling strange followed by frequent extreme dizzy spells which leave me feeling very upset and scared and feeling unusual).
- Head twitching
- Constant feeling of post nasal drip or something stuxk in my throat
- frequent headaches/sharp head psins/ear ache
- ears block up randomly and go deaf for short periods of time
- brain fog
- eye floaters/moving objecrs/seeing things
- whole body weakness (mostly left side)
- shakiness and trembling
- overnight sweats and day time random sweating
- freezing cold extremities
- feeling of low blood sugar which comes over me very quickly if I haven't eaten
- severe dizziness if I need the toilet (wee or poo)
- look extremely pale all over with black under my eyes and pale lips
- the most scariest symptom yet... last night I went for a meal out, I felt shattered from being up all night with my baby and from stress and I was talking away and suddenly my mind stopped working... everyone was looking at me ans I completely forgot what I was saying mid sentence and how to say it!!! My partner had to help me finish the sentence. Then my throat felt loke it was closing ans my whole body went weak I could hardly stand. This then happened a few more times that evening.
- can feel loads of lymph nodes around my ears and neck and have discovered a lump behind my right ear which is about the size of a pea and doesn't move.
I'm now completely convinced that I have a brain tumojr/neurological disease/MS etc as I have all the symptoms or most of them. I have been to the doctors a few times and all have said sleep deprivation and anxiety. I've had blood tests (full blood xount) about 4 months ago ans that came out normal. I can't handle this anymore 😟 I now feel scared to be alone, to leave the house, to drive ans I'm also meant to be starting a new job in a month.
Can anxiety really do this to a person? I am also still breastfeeding ans waking up about 3 times a night still. I now believe I am suffering with a severe illness and I'm basically dying and my brain is shutting down. What happened at the meal has proven this to me 😟 I couldn't even enjoy my birthday becayse of this.
I am so alone, I have no one to help me. 😟
---------- Post added at 09:31 ---------- Previous post was at 09:24 ----------
I also get very nauseous and feel sick and no appetite frequently
---------- Post added at 09:43 ---------- Previous post was at 09:31 ----------
I also have severe fatigue and my eyes are constantly straining
Hi, sorry that you are feeling so bad. Ok, you've seen the doctor and had normal blood tests, so it's very likely that what you have is anxiety. You are bound to be under huge stress with a new baby and the lack of sleep that brings. All of this can play havoc with your mind and make you think and feel all sorts of horrible thoughts and sensations. I think it's important now for you to get some counselling. Tomorrow either contact your doctor or your health visitor and tell them how you are feeling. Get the help you need. :hugs:
Anxiety can cause this yes and a lot of what you wrote could be due to you having a baby too. The thing that happened during your meal happens to me at times and I believe it's stress. I went to type in a programme on the Android box the other day and my other half noticed I'd actually typed in the word 'stress'! I'm at my limit at the moment and am muddling words up, forgetting everything etc. I know it's hard not to think it's something serious, but your GP knows best and if he/she says in anxiety, then it's anxiety. I also get eye strain, I assumed it was just because I'm slightly short sighted but now you mention it perhaps stress etc could cause it too.
Do you have help with your baby? Have you been feeling this way a while?
Thank you for your reply. I just keep telling myself that blood tests would not detect something awful like a tumour etc. I'm just feeling so petrified and feel like my body is hyper aware of every little sensatuon/feeling. My fear is that I'll die and leave my beautiful baby without his mother. Or that I'll lose all brain function and be left alive but unable to do anything. Feeling so low.
---------- Post added at 10:07 ---------- Previous post was at 10:04 ----------
At the meal I'd never experienced it before it was horrifying. I was happily chatting then half way through my sentence I completely forgot what I was saying and was slurring my words ans everyone loomed confused and worried. I have a partner which helps me but I'm going through stress with him too so I'm quite alone. I don't get much help overnight either. My baby is my priority and I feel like I'm depleting. I have no energy and just feel like lying in bed constantly.
Ah I see, that's how my relationship is/was so I completely understand that too. He walked out on us when my daughter was a couple of days old (and many other times) and wouldn't even help with my compression stockings :ohmy: (I had a c section).
If you don't get help soon this could turn into PND, if it isn't already. I would definitely speak to the GP or health visitor as suggested already as they can get you in touch with the early years mental health people. The fact you have no energy isn't surprising considering you have to get up 3 times each night alone.
I know this may sound silly but I'm so fearful that my baby would be taken from me and if that was the case it would destroy me. My partner is lovely but he has an emotionally abusive side to him which I've been experince g for about 3 years now. I'm not allowed to see my family or speak to them and neither is my baby. I'm wondering if these symptoms could be the result of an immense amount of stress/anxoety/sleep deprivation or if they are in fact a serious illness.
I understand your worry as I have the same due to my mental health issues (although my daughter is now 9). That will not happen though, they are very understanding and when my daughter was a baby I couldn't even talk to her in front of people. I couldn't coo, baby talk etc I was literally silent when other people were around (except my other half). The early years mental health worker was so understanding. I was lucky as I had my family 'helping' (taking over), so I did get a break from my baby, but my family were also overbearing (changing the clothes I'd dressed my daughter in for eg) and I believe it made me feel worthless.
It must be very hard putting up with emotional abuse. I'm not proud whatsoever but I have emotionally abused my partner in the past and it was down to my own insecurities and depression. Perhaps he has issues that need addressing? Not letting your family see the baby is quite extreme, perhaps events in his life have led him to that decision.
You're symptoms all point to what you've mentioned, having a baby can also trigger depression or anxiety (as can other life events) so it's even more likely to be those if you ask me. You need a break, but one night off will simply not erase all this, you need proper help.
Thank you for your kind reply. I just don't know where to to or who to turn to. I feel afraid to leave my baby as I'm scared I'll die and won't be able to say goodbye.
randomforeigner
30-10-16, 11:16
I noticed you're female and have just had a baby, so I guess it could be thyroid problems. Not uncommon for new mothers or so I've read. Ask your doctor about possible hypothyroidism, they'll take some blood tests and if you have it, you'll get medication for it.
Thank you for your reply, I've had a complete blood Count and they said they checked thyroid and apparently that was fine about 3-4 months ago. She asked if I'd lost weight (which I have) ans then said won't be thyroid then. I've heard that there are additional thyroid tests that cab be done?
Kathryn313
30-10-16, 17:18
Hoping it works out for you and your baby.x
I have almost all of these symptoms! I also fear that I'm going to die and leave my family and my boyfriend. I am scared I have a serious illness, because I have tons of throat pressure, and pain between my shoulder blades down my back. I can't believe that it's anxiety. I wouldn't wish anxiety on my worst enemy, it's so hard to get past, but we can do it! I have a ENT appointment tomorrow that I'm looking forward to, hopefully he can address my throat issues. Thinking of you and your baby and hopefully you can get some rest soon!
Hi hun, other than us, do you have anyone to talk too about how you are feeling?
From what you've said, you have a lot going on and it's no surprise you feel drained and exhausted, if you're in England then you should be able to access talking therapies in your area which might be a benefit to you.
Xxx
I know this may sound silly but I'm so fearful that my baby would be taken from me and if that was the case it would destroy me. My partner is lovely but he has an emotionally abusive side to him which I've been experince g for about 3 years now. I'm not allowed to see my family or speak to them and neither is my baby. I'm wondering if these symptoms could be the result of an immense amount of stress/anxoety/sleep deprivation or if they are in fact a serious illness.
And there it is! How can he be "lovely" if he's emotionally abusive and prohibits you from seeing your family? Sounds like he's a control freak and quite the opposite of "lovely".
IMO, this is the root of your symptoms.
Positive thoughts
I completely understand what you are going through. After I had my third baby in July last year, I suffered from extreme post natal health anxiety. I truly believedo, like you, that I had something terrible and that no one, including he doctors, we're listening to me and I felt that, by the time they discover, it would be too late - I was beside myself. I had quite a few panic attacks in the middle of the night and actually drove myself up to A & E on three occasions and even (to my shame), phone and ambulance once to take me - that is how much I'd convinced myself. That's what anxiety does to you.
I did have a couple of proper post natal issues that caused mild things but because I worried, it caused full on anxiety symptoms: extreme dizziness, nausea, heart racing, brain fuzziness, complete loss of appetite (I lost a stone and a half in 6 weeks which further added to my fear that 'something was wrong'), agitation, lump in the throat, problems swallowing food, acid reflux, insomnia etc.
Although it feels like it went on for ages, I had this mildly for a few months after giving birth but it went from 0 - 100 at about 5/6 months post partum. I didn't pick up on the symptoms that it was hormonal as I'd never suffered from postnatal depression or anxiety with my first two babies, so I felt that everything must be some physical problem. I was at my worst for about a month (January). What turned a corner for me was my family making me go and get help for the PND and anxiety (rather than seeing the Dr three times a week for all my physical worries). I got put on Sertraline and because it takes time to build up in your system (about 5 weeks), I also got given propranolol (both safe whilst breastfeeding). As word of warning of those going on sertraline, it can cause a spike in anxiety when you first go on it (hence my A&E visits) and some side effects (I got night sweats) but these do settle. I also saw a psychiatric nurse at my medical practice for counselling. Both helped immensely.
I am now fine and 10 months in am off my meds and feel like myself again. I can now rationalise things rather than catastrophising, which I'd been doing. It's not an easy road but you will get there. My doctors were amazing and listened to my concerns, checked me over and reassured me. They never just fobbed me off. They knew they were dealing with a hormonal PND thing but knew they also had to take seriously my health concerns, check them out and reassure me. Eventually though, you do need to treat the anxiety as medical reassurance can become a self defeating cycle. I, however, found that for me personally, seeking Dr reassurance in the early stages of my PND was essential for my recovery (I know some in here will be dead against this idea but it helped me), helped me feel 'safe' and gave me the strength to treat the anxiety.
So, I hope that my story shows you that you are not alone and that PND/anxiety can give you a lot of scary symptoms that can all be attributed to anxiety. But also that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get better.
Lots of hugs
Paula xxx
---------- Post added at 01:09 ---------- Previous post was at 00:54 ----------
Also, I do think that becoming a new mum with all the responsibilities to your wee ones does make you worry more. It's natural as before you just have yourself to think about but when you have kids you worry about how they would cope if something happened to you. It's just keeping what is a natural emotion of protectiveness from becoming self consuming health anxiety. You will get better though. Xxx
Thank you all for your really helpful comments. I have started seeing a therapist for cbt and support which I am paying for as I couldn't wait any longer. I went back to the doctors the other day afyer she told me to come back if I felt no better ans she would do a referral. Feeling quite angry and fustrated because she just said no refferal and no blood tests as I'm just very tired. I literally pleaded for more blood tests and she just said no �� my last lot were about 4 months ago so 4 months after birth and I've heard that thyroid issues can arise from 6 months onwards so wouldn't have been apparent in those tests. The symptoms such as a lump behind my ear and dizziness when I need the toilet just don't w33m like they could be anxiety related. Does anyone ever get the feeling like 'I give up' no one is listening to me and my illness is probably so far along now and just expect to be seriously ill soon from it. The doc said to come back in a few weeks if I still feel unwell afyer getting more sleep but that just makes me anxious as the dizziness and symptoms have been getting worse, I'm supposed to be starting a new job at the end of the month and if I do go back in a few weeks and then she does a refferal then I've got to wait months reeling like 5his. So fed up of it to be honest. I was going to ask about possible anti depresse ts but forgot so am annoyed about that too but would be worried about symptoms from that. She examined the lump behind my ear and my glands and said there nothing to worry about at the moment... great that's reassuring! Feel like there is no one to turn to and just waiting to drop dead or seriously ill. X
---------- Post added at 12:02 ---------- Previous post was at 12:00 ----------
It's hard to believe that anxiety can cause these verg real and distressing symptoms. My head always feels like there is a band around it and is so heavy and full of pressure. It's ridiculous how dizzy I feel all the time and then I get these intense dizzy spells where I can't stand up.
Granted, having a baby messes with your system and hormones and can be a stressful time for anyone but.....
What are you going to do about the relationship issue? Someone who is emotionally abusive and controlling to the point of forbidding you to see your family is causing your issues IMO. After all, you're posting on an anxiety forum so you must know deep down what I'm saying holds weight.
Positive thoughts
And there it is! How can he be "lovely" if he's emotionally abusive and prohibits you from seeing your family? Sounds like he's a control freak and quite the opposite of "lovely".
IMO, this is the root of your symptoms.
Positive thoughts
So, so this. Any partner who doesn't "allow" the other to do anything, let alone see their family is an abusive, manipulative scumbag, and it bothers me immensely you can use "lovely" in the same sentence.
I'm 22 (as of yesterday) and feel like my life is fallen apart. I had health anxiety when I was about 16 and had cbt which successfully treated it. However, I had my baby almost 8 months ago now and about 4 months post birth I began experiencing some awful symptoms which have gotten progressively worse. I am also hndrt a huge amount of stress.
Hi lovely, congratulations on your little one.:yesyes:
All those symptoms you listed are anxiety symptoms - classic ones.
- the most scariest symptom yet... last night I went for a meal out, I felt shattered from being up all night with my baby and from stress and I was talking away and suddenly my mind stopped working... everyone was looking at me ans I completely forgot what I was saying mid sentence and how to say it!!!
In your case, I'd say it's down to sleep deprivation but you can look forward to LOTS of this once you hit the menopause. :scared15:
I'm now completely convinced that I have a brain tumojr/neurological disease/MS etc as I have all the symptoms or most of them. I have been to the doctors a few times and all have said sleep deprivation and anxiety. I've had blood tests (full blood xount) about 4 months ago ans that came out normal.
Take comfort in that lovely because if there was anything majorly wrong with you, you could expect some abnormal results from a full blood count.
Can anxiety really do this to a person?
Yes it can.
I am also still breastfeeding ans waking up about 3 times a night still. I now believe I am suffering with a severe illness and I'm basically dying and my brain is shutting down.
What is happening is that your body is still sorting out the hormone imbalance from giving birth. You are stressed and you are exhausted. You're not dying and your brain isn't shutting down.
I had my second child. I was 21 and my (then) husband was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. Surprise surprise, I developed problems with anxiety. Stress can do this to you!
You say your partner is "lovely" yet he won't 'allow' you or your baby to see your family? Also he keeps walking out on you? He doesn't sound very lovely to me. What you have described is abuse. There is no excuse for it and it needs addressing. Behind all this stress and anxiety symptoms is a root cause and I agree with Fishmanpa that this is most likely yours. Don't allow him to treat you this way lovely. Talk to somebody about it. X
So, so this. Any partner who doesn't "allow" the other to do anything, let alone see their family is an abusive, manipulative scumbag, and it bothers me immensely you can use "lovely" in the same sentence.
I'm in no way defending her partner, but controlling behaviour can be caused by insecurities that manifest from mental health issues. I have been there myself in the past. Not saying she should just stick around and put up with it, but her partner could also be going through some stuff. Having a baby can be hard on both the mother and the father.
For some women PND can cause controlling behaviour and they won't even allow others to touch their baby, the father included (I had PND and had a early years mental health worker come out so know quite a bit about it), perhaps this is similar but obviously the father and not the mother.
I'm only writing this based on my own personal experiences and obviously I'm no expert. But I have done and said things in the past that could be classed as emotional abuse, I don't believe I was a manipulative scumbag. By the time my daughter was 2 my PND had pretty much subsided and I was much better. I do feel her partner is going too far by means of telling her she can't even see her own family, he is acting like he owns her, but it could still be due to issues of his own. Mental health issues can make even the nicest person turn into the devil.
I'm in no way defending her partner, but controlling behaviour can be caused by insecurities that manifest from mental health issues. I have been there myself in the past. Not saying she should just stick around and put up with it, but her partner could also be going through some stuff. Having a baby can be hard on both the mother and the father.
For some women PND can cause controlling behaviour and they won't even allow others to touch their baby, the father included (I had PND and had a early years mental health worker come out so know quite a bit about it), perhaps this is similar but obviously the father and not the mother.
I'm only writing this based on my own personal experiences and obviously I'm no expert. But I have done and said things in the past that could be classed as emotional abuse, I don't believe I was a manipulative scumbag. By the time my daughter was 2 my PND had pretty much subsided and I was much better. I do feel her partner is going too far by means of telling her she can't even see her own family, he is acting like he owns her, but it could still be due to issues of his own. Mental health issues can make even the nicest person turn into the devil.
I get your point, but I'm not taking it back.
Seeing as the OP says he's been emotionally abusive for three years and the baby was born eight months ago you can't blame it on the father's reaction to baby's birth. And yes, perhaps there are mental health issues there, but that level of control and abuse is inexcusable, and prevalent in plenty of abusive men who have no issues with their mental health.
Not allowing someone to see their own family (she's her own woman, she shouldn't have a man "allowing" her to do anything) is classic psychological abuse, pure and simple. It's a powerful controlling act, which you also see in religious cults.
I get your point, but I'm not taking it back.
Seeing as the OP says he's been emotionally abusive for three years and the baby was born eight months ago you can't blame it on the father's reaction to baby's birth. And yes, perhaps there are mental health issues there, but that level of control and abuse is inexcusable, and prevalent in plenty of abusive men who have no issues with their mental health.
Not allowing someone to see their own family (she's her own woman, she shouldn't have a man "allowing" her to do anything) is classic psychological abuse, pure and simple. It's a powerful controlling act, which you also see in religious cults.
I never asked you to retract your opinion I was just staying mine. I've been the 'abuser' and there was no intentional manipulation on my part. I didn't notice she mentioned her partner had been this way since 3 years ago but mental health issues may have been around since then. We have all unfortunately experienced what mental health issues can do and I feel like emotional abuse can be a result of unsolved mental health issues. Again, I'm not saying it is the case with her partner as we don't know him personally I just don't feel like it's fair to label somebody a scumbag because they are controlling. Manipulative? Perhaps.
I never asked you to retract your opinion I was just staying mine. I've been the 'abuser' and there was no intentional manipulation on my part. I didn't notice she mentioned her partner had been this way since 3 years ago but mental health issues may have been around since then. We have all unfortunately experienced what mental health issues can do and I feel like emotional abuse can be a result of unsolved mental health issues. Again, I'm not saying it is the case with her partner as we don't know him personally I just don't feel like it's fair to label somebody a scumbag because they are controlling. Manipulative? Perhaps.
OK, well let's just agree that for whatever personal or emotional reasons he's performing the actions of a scumbag, even if we don't want to label him one, and when you're the one being so blatantly and oppressively abused the reasons behind that are kind of academic. When she's "not allowed" to see her family, what exactly would he do if she did? And whatever the answer to that is, it won't be "lovely".
Thanks everyone for your passionate responses. I didn't want to cause any trouble. He does have a nice side but a lot of the time he is controlling and doednt like me seeing or speaking to my family. I belive he grew up in this sort of encjronment himself and learnt this from his family. I know I've got to make a stand for myself that's why I'm having councelling to helo give me the strength. At the moment I'm trying to work our if my symptoms are due to stress fro this, anxiety issues and worries about health or lack of sleep. X
Thanks everyone for your passionate responses. I didn't want to cause any trouble. He does have a nice side but a lot of the time he is controlling and doednt like me seeing or speaking to my family. I belive he grew up in this sort of encjronment himself and learnt this from his family. I know I've got to make a stand for myself that's why I'm having councelling to helo give me the strength. At the moment I'm trying to work our if my symptoms are due to stress fro this, anxiety issues and worries about health or lack of sleep. X
Hope all goes well for you. Apologies if I overstepped with name-calling your BF, I just don't think that kind of abusive behaviour should be excused as anything other than what it is.
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