SLA
30-10-16, 10:32
I normally post on here trying to assist people with their concerns, because I have been through a lot of it myself, and can manage it... most days.
But there are still times where I relapse and I have for the last two days.
I am just like everyone else on here.
So I thought it'd be a good time to post my full story. (Focusing on doing other things is a good way to break the cycle! :) )
I've had anxiety and worry for as long as I can remember. One of the earliest worries I had was during the "Mad Cow Disease" crisis in the early 90's. I could have only been 11 or 12, but I remember seeing it EVERYWHERE in the newspapers, and on TV. I was convinced I had it. I'd eaten beef, so I must have it right? :mad:
Those worries kept me up at night and made me think about all of the worst case scenarios. I stopped eating beef immediately and would obsessively check the ingredients of everything I ate to see if it contained beef products.
One Sunday whilst visiting my Grandad he said to us: "You know they think you can get it from leather sofas now?"
:ohmy: We had a large leather sofa and two leather armchairs. I didn't sit in them for at least five years. And I'm not even exaggerating!
It took me until 2008 before I summoned up the courage to eat beef again!
I'd also cry myself to sleep worrying about my parents, and what if something happened to them.
----
You name it I've had it.
Health Anxiety is the one that returns to rear its head. It only takes a week of cold and flu for that to kick in. It is HARD to control, but it can be done. You need to train yourself to release each sensation as it comes and goes. You need to become an expert in yourself. Maybe I'll write more about that one day.
Social Anxiety still holds me back some days. It takes me AGES to really be myself around people, but when I do let go, people always seem to enjoy my company. I'm just a bit of a sensitive flower!! Today my anxiety held me back, and I had to pull out of a Halloween party. It didn't bother me. I was incredibly tired, and know that I need to recover.
Intrusive Thoughts most of our thoughts are intrusive, it just that some are helpful, and some are not. You need to learn to observe these thoughts and consciously make a decision on whether you need to give any value to these thoughts. (I did a video on this which you might have seen. (http://bit.ly/2dfFqvb))
Intrusive thoughts plagued my life for several months in 2008, and drove me into a deep depression. At one point it seemed like the only way out to protect the people around me was to commit suicide. Fortunately I found help, and No More Panic really connected me with some great people. (I'd forgotten my original login, but found it again recently. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=15182)) I even had an intrusive thought THIS YEAR about the idea of committing suicide, and that did cause me to panic. But after the experiences of the past, I first got myself into a calm place by letting the panic pass, and then talking through my thought rationally.
Depression as I said was huge in 2008, and to some degree again in 2014. It was ALL caused by anxiety, and identification with my thoughts. ALL OF IT. It took me 6 months to get out of that hole, and just to feel "normal" again. Not feeling "amazing" or "great" just "normal".
I was prescribed Citalopram in 2008, and it may have helped, I am not sure. I was never big on the idea of drugs. Part of me knew that my depression was self-made, and I was determined to find a way out. I was prescribed Sertraline about two months ago, after a difficult week, but again, I knew it was only because I was going through a separation, and that I needed to handle things myself. I gave myself two days to try and clear my head before taking them, and by the end of the two days I felt great, so they are sitting in a drawer next to my bed.
-----
People have asked me a couple of times if there is a cure, and the answer is no.
Today I have felt like absolute crap. My mind has been all over the place. I'm trying to rebuild my life, and EVERY DAY is an up-hill battle even without anxiety. So today has felt like there is no hope for the future. (Deep down I know there is, and I have to lock onto that, and make that the focus of my attention.)
At bedtime, I found myself focussing on my heart, and an intrusive thought wanted to check for missed beats. "Here we go...." I thought.
It was pointless. Just my anxiety playing tricks because I am tired and vulnerable. In my head I visualised a 30 mile cycle route that I could do today, and befrore I knew it, I was asleep. I don't normally go for "distraction" techniques, but this time it seemed like a good idea, because I know the thoughts are worthless.
Is then an answer?
Yes. I have run myself into the ground this week. Anxiety in some ways surfaces to let me know I am treating myself poorly. That makes some people feel worse, and it used to for me. But now I know I need to...
Take corrective measures!
This week i've had too many late nights. Too much alcohol. Bakewell tarts for breakfast.... :unsure: No exercise....
All of these things will contribute to anxiety.
When I have anxious days I go easy on myself.
I know I am in a sensitive way, so I do not compound things by beating myself up for being anxious. I keep the day as simple as possible, and just focus on getting through without making it worse.
Often on these days I will go for short walks, and just appreciate the small things in life. There is a video in my signature highlighted in pink where I talk about this. It IS SO IMPORTANT to break the anxiety with small moments of peace. I cannot stress it enough. It broke me free of anxiety in 2008, in a thousand tiny steps.
Today, I'm going to go for a bike ride and listen to some music. Maybe play some games, and get an early night. Try and focus on all the positives, and know that tomorrow can and WILL be a better day.
Hope you are well today. Take care of yourself, and don't beat yourself up for feeling anxious. It is your own personal puzzle you need to solve. It can be done, and you don't need to feel anxious forever.
I tarred myself with the "anxiety/depression" brush for years, until one day I thought... "I am making this worse for myself." Just because you have anxiety today, doesn't mean you can't escape from it. I talk about how I made a huge leap in beating anxiety in this video. Change Your Labels. (http://bit.ly/2eaME2e)
Anyway, I should probably take some time off to recover. :D
Enjoy your day as much as you can.
Jason
But there are still times where I relapse and I have for the last two days.
I am just like everyone else on here.
So I thought it'd be a good time to post my full story. (Focusing on doing other things is a good way to break the cycle! :) )
I've had anxiety and worry for as long as I can remember. One of the earliest worries I had was during the "Mad Cow Disease" crisis in the early 90's. I could have only been 11 or 12, but I remember seeing it EVERYWHERE in the newspapers, and on TV. I was convinced I had it. I'd eaten beef, so I must have it right? :mad:
Those worries kept me up at night and made me think about all of the worst case scenarios. I stopped eating beef immediately and would obsessively check the ingredients of everything I ate to see if it contained beef products.
One Sunday whilst visiting my Grandad he said to us: "You know they think you can get it from leather sofas now?"
:ohmy: We had a large leather sofa and two leather armchairs. I didn't sit in them for at least five years. And I'm not even exaggerating!
It took me until 2008 before I summoned up the courage to eat beef again!
I'd also cry myself to sleep worrying about my parents, and what if something happened to them.
----
You name it I've had it.
Health Anxiety is the one that returns to rear its head. It only takes a week of cold and flu for that to kick in. It is HARD to control, but it can be done. You need to train yourself to release each sensation as it comes and goes. You need to become an expert in yourself. Maybe I'll write more about that one day.
Social Anxiety still holds me back some days. It takes me AGES to really be myself around people, but when I do let go, people always seem to enjoy my company. I'm just a bit of a sensitive flower!! Today my anxiety held me back, and I had to pull out of a Halloween party. It didn't bother me. I was incredibly tired, and know that I need to recover.
Intrusive Thoughts most of our thoughts are intrusive, it just that some are helpful, and some are not. You need to learn to observe these thoughts and consciously make a decision on whether you need to give any value to these thoughts. (I did a video on this which you might have seen. (http://bit.ly/2dfFqvb))
Intrusive thoughts plagued my life for several months in 2008, and drove me into a deep depression. At one point it seemed like the only way out to protect the people around me was to commit suicide. Fortunately I found help, and No More Panic really connected me with some great people. (I'd forgotten my original login, but found it again recently. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=15182)) I even had an intrusive thought THIS YEAR about the idea of committing suicide, and that did cause me to panic. But after the experiences of the past, I first got myself into a calm place by letting the panic pass, and then talking through my thought rationally.
Depression as I said was huge in 2008, and to some degree again in 2014. It was ALL caused by anxiety, and identification with my thoughts. ALL OF IT. It took me 6 months to get out of that hole, and just to feel "normal" again. Not feeling "amazing" or "great" just "normal".
I was prescribed Citalopram in 2008, and it may have helped, I am not sure. I was never big on the idea of drugs. Part of me knew that my depression was self-made, and I was determined to find a way out. I was prescribed Sertraline about two months ago, after a difficult week, but again, I knew it was only because I was going through a separation, and that I needed to handle things myself. I gave myself two days to try and clear my head before taking them, and by the end of the two days I felt great, so they are sitting in a drawer next to my bed.
-----
People have asked me a couple of times if there is a cure, and the answer is no.
Today I have felt like absolute crap. My mind has been all over the place. I'm trying to rebuild my life, and EVERY DAY is an up-hill battle even without anxiety. So today has felt like there is no hope for the future. (Deep down I know there is, and I have to lock onto that, and make that the focus of my attention.)
At bedtime, I found myself focussing on my heart, and an intrusive thought wanted to check for missed beats. "Here we go...." I thought.
It was pointless. Just my anxiety playing tricks because I am tired and vulnerable. In my head I visualised a 30 mile cycle route that I could do today, and befrore I knew it, I was asleep. I don't normally go for "distraction" techniques, but this time it seemed like a good idea, because I know the thoughts are worthless.
Is then an answer?
Yes. I have run myself into the ground this week. Anxiety in some ways surfaces to let me know I am treating myself poorly. That makes some people feel worse, and it used to for me. But now I know I need to...
Take corrective measures!
This week i've had too many late nights. Too much alcohol. Bakewell tarts for breakfast.... :unsure: No exercise....
All of these things will contribute to anxiety.
When I have anxious days I go easy on myself.
I know I am in a sensitive way, so I do not compound things by beating myself up for being anxious. I keep the day as simple as possible, and just focus on getting through without making it worse.
Often on these days I will go for short walks, and just appreciate the small things in life. There is a video in my signature highlighted in pink where I talk about this. It IS SO IMPORTANT to break the anxiety with small moments of peace. I cannot stress it enough. It broke me free of anxiety in 2008, in a thousand tiny steps.
Today, I'm going to go for a bike ride and listen to some music. Maybe play some games, and get an early night. Try and focus on all the positives, and know that tomorrow can and WILL be a better day.
Hope you are well today. Take care of yourself, and don't beat yourself up for feeling anxious. It is your own personal puzzle you need to solve. It can be done, and you don't need to feel anxious forever.
I tarred myself with the "anxiety/depression" brush for years, until one day I thought... "I am making this worse for myself." Just because you have anxiety today, doesn't mean you can't escape from it. I talk about how I made a huge leap in beating anxiety in this video. Change Your Labels. (http://bit.ly/2eaME2e)
Anyway, I should probably take some time off to recover. :D
Enjoy your day as much as you can.
Jason