How to deal with anxiety over a depressed family member?

[Anxiety Jim]

Hi,

My sister suffers from depression, she's taking medication and seeing a counselor. But seems to just be getting worse.

I live with my mother, and sister. My mother and sister are CONSTANTLY having small arguments. They are both 100% convinced that the other hates them, it's exhausting trying to constantly re-assure them both.

My sister tries to spend as much time as possible at her boyfriends (lives with parents) house.

This whole thing is very stressful for me, and I've been in an almost constant state of anxiety / panic for the last few weeks. It's not just them not getting on, it's more that my sister keeps saying to me that she hates it at home etc. and keeps saying things like "can I die yet", "can you poison me", "I wish I was in the ground".

I'm absolutely terrified one day she'll kill herself.

I try to re-assure her, but sometimes I get angry when she's lying on the sofa saying she can't physically move, but then 30 minutes late can get dressed and go out and see her boyfriend moving a million miles an hour. She's often out until the early hours with friends drinking etc, but then claims to be tired all day and sleep on the sofa, and she won't accept it has anything to do with going out all the time.

I just don't know how to cope I'm constantly on edge on every single noise thinking it'll be someone coming to tell us she's killed herself. I just don't know how to live with this. :weep::weep::weep:

[KeeKee]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I'm the 'sufferer' so can't really see it from others' views.

First of all I think it's great that you have such a caring manner towards your sister, my family have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever. I've never felt suicidal so I can't judge whether she truly is but I do have a relative who keeps saying things such as "I hope I don't live past 30", "I don't care if I die, life's boring" etc and this relative isn't even depressed, they are very young though (early 20's) and I think part of it is immaturity, not saying that's the case with your sister of course but it could be a similar thing. However I know it's scary as I too sometimes sit and wonder if they're being serious.

I was also brought up in a household where my sister and mother didn't get on, they currently think the other doesn't like them and it's always the other ones fault too. I can completely empathise with the stress that brings and must say the clashing I witnessed was horrendous I once had to swear to get them from becoming physical (I do NOT swear in front of relatives) it was a horrible, depressing atmosphere. I think sometimes some peoples personalities just clash and wouldn't necessarily say it's anybodys fault but it is awful.

As for her going out, this could well be what is making her tired but with depression you can genuinely be tired all the time. I was when taking medication too, I needed around 10 hours sleep each night and it was immensely difficult to get out of bed on a morning. Her going out drinking could also be her 'escape' and perhaps the only time she feels good about herself.

You have so much on your plate and it simply isn't fair. I really don't know how you can overcome this as they should be helping themselves. Is there anybody you can talk to? Would your sister and mother understand if you tell them how much pressure you are under?

[jax12]

I am dealing with anxiety just now.I had it 10years ago and have been on paroxetine 20mg and have been doing just fine but last month I felt the anxiety kickin in after my mother was in hospital,I supported my dad,sister and brother through the nitemare as we thought we were going to lose her. My meds were put up to 30mg,that was 2weeks ago,I still have no appetite and having lots of anxiety,where are my family?? Not supporting me anyway,they dont have to understand how I feel but a wee txt or phonecall would be nice. I dont understand!! I dont want to bother them because of my mum being ill. Life is unfair. I have taken steps to get help from a local group and also a block of councelling which was offered by my work. I hope u find some help and find the reply from the other lady Kee kee replying helpful as I think she speaks very wisely:hugs: