cosmicfire
31-10-16, 23:25
I have had harm OCD in the past, and I still do now and again, I know I won't carry out my threats despite wanting too when I get really angry. I feel panicky whenever I hear the words sociopath TV and do not want that to be me. I can feel empathy but at certain times. I am not cold hearted just a lot of it has in common with some others I know who have what I got too. (I have Asperger's to go along with my damn OCD)
But I been walked over my entire life. A father with anger management problems that would beat me. A grandmother who does the same when she feels up too it or whenever I bother to stand up against her. Among many other people who have done the same.
And the thing that makes me feel in charge...is making empty threats. Violently ones. Like saying if my family doesn't stop treating my brothers girlfriend better than they do me lately I will beat her with a bat.
I just get so angry that I feel the need to think these things and such.
But panicky when I don't want to think myself as a bad person. I don't want to be that. But I am...just desensitized to these things these days. Watching shows that have gruesome things and such and not really flinching anymore but I do cry at like character deaths and such.
I am going mad.
But I been walked over my entire life. A father with anger management problems that would beat me. A grandmother who does the same when she feels up too it or whenever I bother to stand up against her. Among many other people who have done the same.
And the thing that makes me feel in charge...is making empty threats. Violently ones. Like saying if my family doesn't stop treating my brothers girlfriend better than they do me lately I will beat her with a bat.
I just get so angry that I feel the need to think these things and such.
But panicky when I don't want to think myself as a bad person. I don't want to be that. But I am...just desensitized to these things these days. Watching shows that have gruesome things and such and not really flinching anymore but I do cry at like character deaths and such.
I am going mad.