HopelessWorrier2011
02-11-16, 14:09
Well where do I start? I am 35 and have recently become estranged from my mother. We have never had an easy relationship, I would say for as long as I can remember and only just recognised her behavior can only be described as emotionally and verbally abusive. My father left when I was one and she pined for him, I do believe I was little more than an inconvenience (only my thoughts) I never had a consistent relationship with my father to this day although it is a lot better. As a young child my mother would often in anger call me a slut and a prostitute, luckily for me I had fabulous grandparents, sadly my grandfather passed away when I was 11, on the day of his funeral my mother told me my grandfather never loved me anyway all because I was taking too long choosing an outfit. My mother went onto remarry and has two further children with my stepfather and I moved in with my grandmother. Out of the blue when I was 12 she angrily told me that my brother could in fact be my biological dad’s and not my stepfather’s and then left it at that (my step father had only found out that day too and to this day they are still together). I am not allowed to speak about it for if I do I am a trouble causer and evil, my brother nor my sister are aware of this along with my father’s partner whom he has two children with carrying this “secret” with me for all these years has had a severe impact on me.
The rift has occurred due to me telling my mother I am not fond of my brothers recent girlfriend for various reasons, I know his relationship has nothing at all to do with me, but it is my opinion and that of many others including my sister who has also voiced her opinion in the same manner but we are all very polite to his girlfriend whom lives in my mother’s house with my brother. Because of this I got told I was jealous, controlling, a bully and then she pushed, shoved and nipped me then disowned me telling me she was through with me my step father said it was best I didn’t speak to my mother then cut me out of his life. My sister still voices her opinion and nothing to that extreme was done to her (not that I want that but I did not want the response I received).
My sister fully understand the wrongness of my mother’s actions and how it is projecting the one rule for one into our family but I told her not to get involved as I did not want any trouble for her. I thought I was very close to my sister and has supported her and done a lot for her especially the last 12 months. But recently she has decided to verbally attack one of my good friends over something entirely different and unrelated to me or my situation. She is now barely speaking to me but still being involved with my mother. I did not get involved in her dispute but I definitely thought she was wrong, I was afraid to tell her this as I can’t deal with the confrontation at the minute. When she does speak to me all she does is mention my mother and her father. My sister fell out with my for a year five years ago because she didn’t approve of my current partner, she then changed her tune and I forgive her for that. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of my family.
I have financially supported my mother and stepfather for many years and helped out my sister along with being their emotional crutch and have forgiven my mother for a lot of my childhood, this is crazy making behavior! I feel so low and anxious at this minute struggling to eat and sleep and she is there with the support of all her family accepting her behavior (although I do know why as they are scared of her backlash too) my partner works away half the year and I have two young children who I must function well for. I would really like some tips on how to overcome and get through this as I know my mother will be back in touch even if it is years to come and I really want to be free of this toxicity.
I could go on all day but am aware of the long post! Apologise for the rant haha
The rift has occurred due to me telling my mother I am not fond of my brothers recent girlfriend for various reasons, I know his relationship has nothing at all to do with me, but it is my opinion and that of many others including my sister who has also voiced her opinion in the same manner but we are all very polite to his girlfriend whom lives in my mother’s house with my brother. Because of this I got told I was jealous, controlling, a bully and then she pushed, shoved and nipped me then disowned me telling me she was through with me my step father said it was best I didn’t speak to my mother then cut me out of his life. My sister still voices her opinion and nothing to that extreme was done to her (not that I want that but I did not want the response I received).
My sister fully understand the wrongness of my mother’s actions and how it is projecting the one rule for one into our family but I told her not to get involved as I did not want any trouble for her. I thought I was very close to my sister and has supported her and done a lot for her especially the last 12 months. But recently she has decided to verbally attack one of my good friends over something entirely different and unrelated to me or my situation. She is now barely speaking to me but still being involved with my mother. I did not get involved in her dispute but I definitely thought she was wrong, I was afraid to tell her this as I can’t deal with the confrontation at the minute. When she does speak to me all she does is mention my mother and her father. My sister fell out with my for a year five years ago because she didn’t approve of my current partner, she then changed her tune and I forgive her for that. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of my family.
I have financially supported my mother and stepfather for many years and helped out my sister along with being their emotional crutch and have forgiven my mother for a lot of my childhood, this is crazy making behavior! I feel so low and anxious at this minute struggling to eat and sleep and she is there with the support of all her family accepting her behavior (although I do know why as they are scared of her backlash too) my partner works away half the year and I have two young children who I must function well for. I would really like some tips on how to overcome and get through this as I know my mother will be back in touch even if it is years to come and I really want to be free of this toxicity.
I could go on all day but am aware of the long post! Apologise for the rant haha