View Full Version : In an anxiety spiral - help
I know reassurance seeking is the wrong thing to do, but I am in a right state, and need to be talked down.
My story - had my tonsils out 18 years ago, and ever since then I've had the sensation of something at the side of my throat which I've always put down to excess scar tissue after the op. It doesn't hurt or affect my swallowing it's just there. Usually I can forget about it but it has bothered me sometimes over the years, it tends to flare up when I have a cold or sore throat, but as I say usually I can ignore it. Anyway for the past 4 and half months it's been bothering me every day, I just can't get my focus off it and now I'm in a right state thinking it's cancer. I think I'm getting the globes sensation now too, making it feel worse, probably because my anxiety is high.
I've been to doc, she's felt my neck, looked in my throat, and says all ok. She wasn't very sympathetic , no bedside manner, freaked me out by saying I can't say 100% it's not cancer, well I knew this but her saying that upset me and made me think we'll maybe it is then. She told me to get routine bloods done, she did say, she wasn't telling me to have them done because she thought there was anything wrong, and that there was no rush to do them.
Anyway, had them done in Wednesday and now I'm getting panicky incase I get a call saying they were abnormal. I have an appointment on Tuesday with my usual doc, and will tell her my fears and talk about medication etc.
I've had long term counselling and CBT but just can't get myself into the flow to get it working. So, so disappointed with myself.
Sorry for long post, just needed to vent. :blush: any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.
ServerError
04-11-16, 07:55
Sounds like you know exactly what's going on here. You've had CBT, so I bet you have techniques and ideas you could be putting into practice. Your doctor may have been a bit brusque and may not have wanted to give you that 100% certainty, but they don't mess about when they suspect cancer, and it sounds like yours doesn't see any ages.
Having tonsils removed is sometimes a more significant procedure than people realise. It's no surprise if you've been left with some discomfort where they once were. Once you get the blood results back I'm sure you'll get good news. In the meantime, just look as objectively at the situation you can. There is nothing tobactually indicate cancer and plenty to indicate something benign.
Hi hun, although reassurance seeking doesn't help in the long run, it was the only 'coping' mechanism I had when I was in a spiral as all rationale was out the window.
Is there anything else going on for you at the moment that is increasing your anxiety?
Hopefully you'll get your results today, take comfort in the fact the GP was not at all concerned, I've been where you are, I had a fascination with my neck / throat to the point where I convinced myself I couldn't swallow, once the anxiety went, so did all those horrible throat sensations.
Throat sensations are so common with anxiety and so are sore throat at this time of year.
Xxx
Thanks for the replies. I'm off to work now so will read through them later. Don't want to go but I know it will distract me for a while.
Carrie8484
04-11-16, 09:21
If you've seen my story, I am going through a similar thing. Mine is more recent, had my tonsils removed 5 weeks ago.
Prior to that I had a constant lump feeling/something down the right side of my throat with ear pain and jaw ache.
Now I've had my tonsils removed its even more prominent!
I feel something down the right side of my throat constantly and its driving me nuts. When i swallow it makes me gag.
I think, as your symptoms have been going on for 4 years, this really cannot indicate anything sinister.
Im still under my ENT and certainly pushing for an endoscopy or scan. I am paying privately. I know people on here are against reassurance seeking, but if you wanted to put your mind to rest, maybe an ENT appointment would be the way forward.
Carrie8484 has been experiencing very similar symptoms to you. Primula.
You know in your heart of hearts what is happening to you and you know just how powerful HA can be and how it can mimic dreaded physical symptoms. I hope your blood tests are completely normal but I hope also that you can use your skills to successfully dampen down this episode.
---------- Post added at 09:23 ---------- Previous post was at 09:22 ----------
Sorry Carrie-you spotted this before me!
Thank you all for your replies. Yes I've been following your thread with interest Carrie. As some of you have said, in my rational moments I can see that I'm catastrophing. My anxiety has been getting worse and worse over the last few weeks until I don't know what's real and what's not. I don't really want to go down the ENT route as I know that once I've satisfied this worry I'll move on to the next health worry. I'd rather take the small chance that this is something serious and learn to comfort myself instead.
If you can do this then this would be the best way to confront and manage your HA, as you know. Making that decision and sticking to it is far from easy but it's the only way to move forward and away from the spiralling/doubts re further testing.
MyNameIsTerry
04-11-16, 12:55
GP's are good at spotting unusual looking lumps & bumps and referring us for further testing to rule out, confirm or get us to a specialist. I think if your GP saw a suspicious lump that could point to an oral cancer, they would have a strong suspicion because they look at lot different.
We have an oral cancer specialist on here so he will probably put your mind at rest on that one if he spots your thread.
My brother had a swelling in his throat and his GP referred him to a specialist. The consultant said he wanted to do a biopsy to confirm his suspicions. He said they have to be honest about possibilities so mentioned cancer but stated this was right at the other end of the spectrum of what he believed it likely to be but he couldn't rule it out. It turned out to be exactly what he thought it was, a swollen nodule in the throat and he removed it because of the irritation.
My brother spent many years harshly clearing his throat. This was because he had a rhinoplasty to correct the damage from several broken noses. Later it collapsed a bit causing him to do the throat clearing more. He didn't want the op again as it's not very pleasant spending weeks with a splint up both nostrils.
So, has anything irritated it? It could just have swollen a bit?
Becoming bulletproof with your anxiety is a difficult place to reach so don't put yourself down for the odd wobble. You know that's the negative thinking trying to get a foot hold. You know loads about anxiety, spot it's trick and head it off with the tools & techniques you've learnt.
As for the reassurance, you've had that and really most people without anxiety talk about such things with loved ones anyway. Continuing from there is something to acknowledge and deal with. Spin it away from reassurance seeking into rationalising your thoughts on paper and make it positive/neutral in your mind rather than adding a negative about feeling you are failing and needing our support.
Anyway...you give enough people support, of course we should give back when you need it.
Thank you Terry for your words. Yes I am beating myself up because I feel I've failed, even after all the counselling and hard work I've done on CBT. I'm seeing my usual doctor on Tuesday. She will be very straight with me and will tell me 'like it is' whatever she thinks.
Carrie8484
04-11-16, 13:07
Sorry I slightly misread your first post. You've actually had this sensation for 18 years, but the last 4 months has been more persistent?
18 years is a heck of a long time, and I think from you saying your anxiety has been very high lately, it seems to be that you've 'zoomed in' on the sensation and you're more sensitised to its presence? After your surgery all those years ago, and you developed the sensation, did the professionals tell you it was scar tissue? I'm curious for my own reasons.
Not going down the ENT route is very understandable. I'm not at that stage yet because I *need* someone to look down my throat, but I really hope you can put your fears to bed with the knowledge that your GP didn't worry and your bloods will come back ok X
I don't think you have "failed" just because you have done all the counselling and cbt deemed necessary to knock HA on the head once and for all. You're only human and are perfectly entitled to have blips-I'm sure Claire Weekes did too only she wouldn't have shouted it from the rooftops. You can have all the knowledge under the sun and still falter at times but then you rein yourself in and carry on again with your life..
Thank you Carrie. Yes over the years my GP has said it's very likely scar tissue. I felt it first a few weeks after my op. I went for post op check up and consultant wasn't concerned. As I say I usually don't notice it but for whatever reason the last 4 months I can't get my mind off it. Rationally I know that my mind is making it feel worse, but my anxiety is making me unable to see the truth.
MyNameIsTerry
04-11-16, 14:02
I don't think you have "failed" just because you have done all the counselling and cbt deemed necessary to knock HA on the head once and for all. You're only human and are perfectly entitled to have blips-I'm sure Claire Weekes did too only she wouldn't have shouted it from the rooftops. You can have all the knowledge under the sun and still falter at times but then you rein yourself in and carry on again with your life..
I agree. I think it's a perception issue, or more a misperception issue? It's part of the all-or-nothing thinking issue - we've recovered hence having a wobble is a failure because we are going backwards. But anxiety is a human emotion, it wouldn't be normal if some things didn't get to us. Some of these things will be more triggering or traumatic or tug something inside us because of our past anxiety disorders BUT how we manage demonstrates whether we are slipping into disorder territory or reacting like anyone else, albeit it with insight that it can sink further if we let it.
So, perhaps we need to remember why our minds work like this? The subconscious has learnt things it never knew and it may intrusively suggest them to us even once fully recovered. Our reaction, like with all intrusive thoughts, it's key. See it as an option, a reminder, a prompt or whatever and reply "whatever, that's irrelevant" and negativity is minimised. Be careful of allowing a core belief to adapt or form that is negative after the hard work to mothball it before.
I think you HA guys are sensitive to reassurance. You forget that most people seek it through their lives yet never experience disorders. My brother felt the need to talk it out, then moved on. My dad was the same when he has been through health scares. Neither have anxiety disorders, and my dad has remained clear of a depression relapse for over 40 years despite things like this cropping up as is just part of life. I remember talking to him about my frustration and how things get to me. His advice - change how you think so it doesn't, be positive, be realistic, don't focus on negatives, get on with life, etc. They never had therapy back in his day, and Claire Weekes wasn't around either, but then isn't this how we just fought through life anyway before someone put a scientific label on it? CBT takes some of it's foundations from Stoicism, going back a very long time into antiquity.
Thank you Terry. You are right we HA people do get hung up about the reassurance thing. You are right 'normal' folk ask for reassurance but don't beat their selves up over it. I will take on board the info you've given me. Thanks to all who've replied. I still feel wobbly but not as bad as this morning. It is good to talk about it on here.
---------- Post added at 14:11 ---------- Previous post was at 14:08 ----------
Thanks Pulisa. Yes I believe Clare Weeke said to expect setback and that it was a good thing, chance to practise. Get my Clare Weekes book back our tonight.
I believe Clare Weeke said to expect setback and that it was a good thing, chance to practise. Get my Clare Weekes book back our tonight.
Hi Prim,
What you posted is the key and the difference from many here. Asking for reassurance is something everyone, sufferer or not, does. The difference is recognizing the issue, not beating yourself up and taking action which you're doing. For that you should be commended.
Positive thoughts
Thank you Fishmanpa. You are right, I think what I wanted and what I got was support with my anxiety. Obviously I'd love someone to tell me I'm 100% ok, but I know that's not possible. Thank you for taking the time reply especially with all you are going through at the moment. Thank you all, it's been so good to offload. I will let you all know what happens with doc next week.
Sometimes you just can't talk yourself out of these spirals and are your own worst enemy despite "knowledge" and past therapy. Talking it through on here with people who are also aware of the nature of the beast can be helpful and hopefully supportive. Good luck for next week! You're definitely still very much in control of your HA!
Yes Pulisa, sometimes it feels impossible to talk yourself out of the spiral without help. I was feeling so useless and hopeless this morning. Feeling a lot calmer and rational this evening. Everyone has been so supportive. Thanks again.:D
Pleased you're starting to feel more rational. Please don't feel like you've failed, its a journey you take and like all journeys sometimes you move forward, sometimes you revisit places or sometimes you just go round in circles but we never lose sight of our destination.
The fact you can come back fighting shows your strength, be compassionate with yourself, you went to work today despite your feeling as you knew it would offer you a distraction, to me that's an achievement in itself.
If it's support you want, then I'm only an inbox away.
Xxx
MyNameIsTerry
04-11-16, 23:08
Pleased you're starting to feel more rational. Please don't feel like you've failed, its a journey you take and like all journeys sometimes you move forward, sometimes you revisit places or sometimes you just go round in circles but we never lose sight of our destination.
The fact you can come back fighting shows your strength, be compassionate with yourself, you went to work today despite your feeling as you knew it would offer you a distraction, to me that's an achievement in itself.
If it's support you want, then I'm only an inbox away.
Xxx
I've been circling the Magic Roundabout a few times...:doh:
Thank you Traceypo, it's meant so much to me today, all the lovely supportive replies I've had. I'm not out of the woods but I've come to bed thus evening not feeling so alone as I did this morning. Only once have I not gone to work because of anxiety and it made me worse. That's one thing Clare Weekes taught me; no matter how bad you think your anxiety is, jelly legs will get you there. You might feel bloody awful but once you get there it won't be so bad. You might not enjoy yourself but you'll be pleased you got there and that's an achievement you can build on.
Quick update. Just got back from Doctors. Blood tests all normal and she thinks throat sensations are anxiety. I'm happy with that and hopefully I can calm down now. Thank you to everyone who replied it really meant so much. Just the act of writing down my worries on here helped. Best wishes to all.
Quick update. Just got back from Doctors. Blood tests all normal and she thinks throat sensations are anxiety. I'm happy with that and hopefully I can calm down now. Thank you to everyone who replied it really meant so much. Just the act of writing down my worries on here helped. Best wishes to all.
:yesyes: Great to hear!
Positive thoughts
Pleased everything was normal and that you're moving forward.
Xxx
Keep writing Primula if it helps.
Glad you got the all clear from the doc
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