Hannahlob84
04-11-16, 19:57
Hello,
I have had panic attacks and health anxiety since I was 16, although recent counselling has made me realise I probably had it since childhood. I had nearly three years without any anxiety or panic attacks but it's all resurfaced recently. Well over the last few months.
I am trying so hard to push it away and keep the feelings at bay, but I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I have a range of "symptoms" that just won't go away regardless of me trying not to worry about them and constantly reassuring myself that there is nothing wrong with me.
I'm dizzy most of the time sometimes to the point that I feel like I'm going to fall over and my brain swims, I have tumbling in my ears and my vision is blurry and the light sometimes seems to much for my eyes. I have derealisation on and off every day, I have numbness and weakness in my hands and mainly my right arm and leg, my eyes twitch and I have shooting pains up and down the back of my neck, the muscles in the back of my neck are so tense and hurt to the point that I have to take paracetamol, I feel nauseous and sometimes shaky and breathless. It's not like I haven't been had this many many times before but it's getting harder and harder to act like it's nothing and trying to convince myself that I am ok. I'm scared and so tired of it.
It's all about my head, I feel like I'm trying to convince myself there is nothing wrong but there's a tiny voice inside that keeps saying - Well actually there might be something wrong, probably a brain tumour or nerve damage in your neck, yeah that's more than likely what it is. The stupid voice is not my friend and is really pissing me off as I'm trying so bloody hard not to listen.
I'm carrying on but every day I come home from work exhausted, I sometimes can't do anything now except lay on the sofa and fall asleep, sometimes even bathing is too much and I love a bath but it takes a real effort to force myself (just FYI I do shower, so please don't think I don't wash!) But even laying on the sofa I might have a little while of being immersed in a tv programme and then all of a sudden I'll get dizzy or something will happen and I'm there, panicking and trying not to.
Is this really all just in my mind? It feels so real and physical. And it's hard to not believe it's real. I want to paint my nails but I can't because I'm so tired and my mind is trying to focus on all the physical rubbish I think I'm feeling.
Sorry for the whinge and sorry if none of this makes sense, I'm just having a bad day and needed to vent a little. Sorry.
I have had panic attacks and health anxiety since I was 16, although recent counselling has made me realise I probably had it since childhood. I had nearly three years without any anxiety or panic attacks but it's all resurfaced recently. Well over the last few months.
I am trying so hard to push it away and keep the feelings at bay, but I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I have a range of "symptoms" that just won't go away regardless of me trying not to worry about them and constantly reassuring myself that there is nothing wrong with me.
I'm dizzy most of the time sometimes to the point that I feel like I'm going to fall over and my brain swims, I have tumbling in my ears and my vision is blurry and the light sometimes seems to much for my eyes. I have derealisation on and off every day, I have numbness and weakness in my hands and mainly my right arm and leg, my eyes twitch and I have shooting pains up and down the back of my neck, the muscles in the back of my neck are so tense and hurt to the point that I have to take paracetamol, I feel nauseous and sometimes shaky and breathless. It's not like I haven't been had this many many times before but it's getting harder and harder to act like it's nothing and trying to convince myself that I am ok. I'm scared and so tired of it.
It's all about my head, I feel like I'm trying to convince myself there is nothing wrong but there's a tiny voice inside that keeps saying - Well actually there might be something wrong, probably a brain tumour or nerve damage in your neck, yeah that's more than likely what it is. The stupid voice is not my friend and is really pissing me off as I'm trying so bloody hard not to listen.
I'm carrying on but every day I come home from work exhausted, I sometimes can't do anything now except lay on the sofa and fall asleep, sometimes even bathing is too much and I love a bath but it takes a real effort to force myself (just FYI I do shower, so please don't think I don't wash!) But even laying on the sofa I might have a little while of being immersed in a tv programme and then all of a sudden I'll get dizzy or something will happen and I'm there, panicking and trying not to.
Is this really all just in my mind? It feels so real and physical. And it's hard to not believe it's real. I want to paint my nails but I can't because I'm so tired and my mind is trying to focus on all the physical rubbish I think I'm feeling.
Sorry for the whinge and sorry if none of this makes sense, I'm just having a bad day and needed to vent a little. Sorry.