View Full Version : feeling sorry for myself
I hope no-one minds, but i would just like to get a few things off of my chest, it is 16 years ago that i first started with panic/anxiety - and i am fed up with it - i know what caused it - i understand what happens to make me feel the way i do - but, still, i let it control me. The slightest symtom and i decide that it's easier to stay home, have not been in my car for 6 months 'just in case' rarely go out for meal or drink with hubby 'just in case', did manage a holiday after being hypnotised, but once there, i based myself in the apartments venturing out at nights for a meal and drinkies, i vowed not to slip back into my old ways once i returned, but i have and it seems easier like this. I have felt horrid lately, and deep down know its only another setback but sometimes i get fed up with keep having to start from scratch again- thanks for letting me write this all down - it does help I sound like a right old miserable so-and-so, i'm not always like this
what have i done now to the computor, what on earth is silentcalligraph - please excuse my ignorance - and i hope i've not pressed too many wrong buttons, as you know i'm not very comp. 'lit'
Hi carlin!
Sorry your having a rough time of it lately! If its any consolation.. I too am not "comp lit!" Im technologically challenged! :)
I totally understand the "just in case" scenarios. I often get very frustrated when there is something I really want to do but fear of an attack prevents me. I would love to go for a meal with my husband, something which has only happened once in 3 years. My husband is very supportive but what sometimes worries me more than having an attack is him getting frustrated with me! I know thats not going to happen but its always lurking deep inside of me.
Ive suffered agoraphobia for a year now and its only recently Ive started getting out and about again. For every positive venture though, I have a negative one. You sometimes feel like your chasing your tail!
I have to learn not to think "just in case" but its not as easy as it sounds!
I hope youre feeling better soon! :)
Love Minny...xx
I have NOT failed!! Ive succeeded in finding 1000 solutions that dont work! :o)
Hi Carlin
I'm sorry to hear things are not too good for you at the moment.
I too understand the 'just in case' scenario. I have had social phobia for 23 years and have let it rule my life for all that time. I have avoided social situations because I can't cope with the thought of being with people and have avoided speaking to the extent that I now rely on writing all the time.
I know that I have become too comfortable in my comfort zone and have to start pushing myself more.
You said the hypnotherapy session you had allowed you to go away on holiday. Have you considered having some more sessions to help to start tackling the anxiety/panic?
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Carlin,
silentcalligraph is onother of our members. I can't see it now so she must have been viewing the topic earlier .
You're doing fine.
You have up to now allowed this to control you but you can srart to work on this in the smallest possible steps.
Its worth breaking your fears down into the tiniest steps and just repeating one or two until you're fully comfortable with it and then progressing on to the next stage.
I see many people who race ahead and then get overwhelmed again and take several steps backwards at once and foind it too hard to make that push again .
Let us know how we can help .
.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Carlin,
I agree with Meg - it's all about taking really small steps at a time. We can't just expect to be cured overnight but taking really small steps at a time allows your mind to slowly adapt to the changes. I started suffering from panic attacks a year ago and am finally managing to live a 'normal' life now. Anyone can do it, it's just about being able to feel proud of yourself at the end of each day because of the small step that you have taken that day...
Sarah :D
Hi there!
sorry you have not been feeling too good lately.
Like Sarah, I am a year in to this whole panic/anxiety "nightmare".
Just recently I have been feeling much improved and the only way is like everyone else has said. Pushing yourself into making small steps and being proud of them, eventually you will start to reap the reward but its tough.
Good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon.
Sue
Hiya Carlin
There's little I can add to what the others have said but maybe starting by setting yourself mini-goals each day to do something that it isn't easy for you. Even if it takes a few goes to achieve your goal, it will give you something to feel positive about and proud of and once you have done this thing, you can add a new one...
With a positive attitude and heaps of patience, you will soon be feeling a whole lot better :D
Good luck - looking forward to hearing how you get on.
Love and best wishes, Jo xx
Thank you so much everyone, - am still feeling bad especially last night at bedtime, so dizzy, only had 2 hours sleep, and felt scared. but i did manage sainsburys today - i hate that shop - actually i hate every shop - but if i had let hubby shop alone - we would be on rations all week i am going to print off loads of advice from this website and read it over to convince my self that i am not alone - i am not going mad - and i will survive this sometimes it just gets hard to keep fighting - i know i am supposed to just let it flow over me and go with it but it still scares me so much and any logic thoughts go out of the window - thank goodness i have found this website
I have been thinking long a hard this week [Duh!] and seeing as it is school holls. i am going to try to go out a little bit - it doesn't affect the kids as they do their own thing, i do go out now and then but i used to go out every day, it's my birthday next week and although we are celebrating it at home - i would like to feel a bit more oh i don't know, as if i actually have a life, they say it begins at 50 if only .......i'm pretty determined though, but and there is always a but, it is easy saying all of this in the safety of my own little safety net we will see.
Thats great! Go for it! Small steps at a time.
Its my birthday next week as well. Last year I spent it in tears unable to leave the house! Determined that wont happen again this year.
Let us know how you get on and good luck.
Sue
Great decisions you both,
We're here to help . Just shout if you need extra support or assistance
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
well, i did manage to go to a few shops, hubby drives me everywhere, so it is just a matter of going in, selecting items and queuing and paying, i did manage, but since i came home i feel awful, dizzy, shaking, scared. I do go to sainsbury once a week (again with hubby) and he usually does the paying at the till bit, i felt quite proud of myself today, but now i feel as if i don't want to go out again soon if it makes me feel this bad when i get home, i know it must be like a release of tension, bit i do feel quite ugh - thanks for listening
Yes that does happen to start with .
get home , cup of tea and relaxation Cd.
Well done for having done it and do continue as it does get easier !!
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Well done for going out Carlin!! These things do take time but you should be very proud of yourself as you have made the first step!!
Sarah :D
Well done Carlin. You took a good first step and stuck at it. I know that can be difficult.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
lilac kitten
25-10-04, 16:39
Carlin,
I totally sympathise with how you feel, and the thoughts you have. I hope in some way the advice I offer can help you a little.
A couple of months ago I started a daily diary. Date column, activities column, anxiety score for the whole day or particular doings out of 10, then an end column which is just a 10 score. Heres the science bit....
At the end of the week your total score should be out of 70 (seven days in the week). Say Monday you score a 3, Tuesday a 9, and so on. you may only score 19 out of 70 or 50 out of 70. You can then pinpoint the times and days and situations which make you anxious and begin to work on these and see if you can bring the score down. Keep it going as you see the scores getting lower you should feel more positive.
I'm still the same now, I worry all the time about what ifs, and find excuses not to do things. In the last week though I've walked the school run on a Friday (I work from home on fridays so I can), I walked to Tesco yesterday (mile there mile home), and I have accepted an invite to Ciao Baby (an italian restaurant) in two weeks time. I'm really nervous about the meal, but I phoned the guy who sent the invite, explained my situation, and said if I have to leave early or cant eat then that is why and I don't mind who knows. He was really sympathetic, but I'm still nervous. At least I know I'm free to run off when I want though!!
I have also been discharged by my therapist because just by doing my diary I became more positive. I still score 10 some days (like being stuck in a traffic jam on the A303 for three hours with the most major panic attack ever, and my son freaking out about the thunder and lightening - but my therapist said even he would have scored a 10 for that!!), but more often than not the scores were coming down.
Also remember to post on here and we can all give you some support, even if its just going to the shops. Especially with Christmas coming up too, you will probably not want to miss out, and why should you, even if you just pop out for an hour its an achievement.
Good luck, remember to let us know how you get on.
Ruth
x
You did well.
Even though you felt panicky when you got home, like you say, this was probably a release of tension.
The fact that you did it is the thing to focus on.
I was practically house bound for the best part of a year, lost my job and everything. I started venturing out small distances, such as to the shops a couple of months ago. I had somehow found some determination that this year will not be the same. It was hard (and still is) but beleive me, it does get a little easier each time.
Keep at it!
Sue
nomorepanic
25-10-04, 19:04
Carlin
Shopping and queuing at checkouts is a problem for all of us, trust me.
I am well into recovery now but just a couple of weeks ago I wasn't feeling too well and as I was standing there I wanted to escape too.
It does get easier with time and you know what they say "practice makes perfect" and if you keep at it then it will get better.
Hope you have a lovely Birthday and manage to get out for it.
Can you and Sue post on this topic so I remember when the birthdays are ....
[Link removed invalid url]
Good luck with the going out this week.
Nicola
Hi everyone, this is like the on-going saga of jean carlin - better than corrie eh? oh dear i may joke, i couldn't even get out of the front door today, i'll try not to let it bother me though, it was the pure dizziness that stopped me, as usual, i still, after all these years, couldn't convince my self that i wouldn't collapse and die i was down the stairs. up the stairs, out of the door, back in, i think hubby felt just as confused and dizzy after all of that - anyway there's always tommorow and i am so grateful to everyone who has replied, it honestly helps me so much
Hi Jean,
On days like this do try to still do something towards recovery.
Walk up and down the street a couple of times during the day whilst in your husbands view. Do a relaxation Cd , write in your journal , a bit of gardening or anything else that gets you occupied.
Tiny steps forward repeated many times is the route to recovery . On off days when symptoms are worse its fine to not push yourself but do try to keep some momentum and a daily success going.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Thanks Meg, and yes, i do keep myself occupied even when i can't get out, today i have been a proper wifey and mumsy, made meatballs for a couple of the kids and meat pie for the rest of us, i hardly sit down when inside, which i think could be a problem in itself, i always seem to be on the go, i seem to have forgotten how to relax - i try not to wallow too much in my feelings, and with lots of 'kids' you like to keep everything as 'normal' as poss. (probably another mistake, 'cos i tend to put on a front most of the time, gosh i do go on, don't i?
Hi Jean,
Dont worry that you couldnt go out today, at least you kept busy and theres always tomorrow.......
Nicola, couldnt get on with that link, seemed to bring up "wellcome to DaveBrum"???!! My birthday is October 30th and I will be 35 mark 2 (35 mark 1 didnt go too well!!)
Sue
Nicola - same problems as sue with the link xx
oops - forgot to say, birthday 2nd November and i will be 50 - forget the grandma jokes, i have enough of those at home with the kids xxx
nomorepanic
26-10-04, 19:39
Oops
Sorry - here is the right link to the Birthday page ...
[Link removed invalid url]
I have both the birthdays to my calendar so thanks for that.
Nicola
It's me again, just need reassuring again - me and hubby have decided it would be nice if, on saturday, we go for a birthday meal, just the two of us, no posh place, no big deal, just a relaxed nite out - there is no pressure, he doesn't mind if i back out - he's used to it, but i really fancy going anyway my point is, i am now scared, i'll be too dizzy to go, will i collapse and die, will this be the time when i run from the restuarant and show myself up - oh dear, i feel like getting dressed up and doing something different, can somebody write in big bold letters that i wil not collapse or die and that even if i am dizzy i will survive - please explain why this won't happen - i feel quite miserable today, did go out though and yesterday, so i suppose i have achieved something, but not really what i want to do, it gets a bit boring going to the local shop buying things i don't really need just to get out of the house
Hi Carlin,
Dizziness is a symptoms of anxiety and you will not collapse and die , in fcat as your blopod pressure increases a bit , it is virtually impossible to collapse in afaint.
The dizziness is just as a result of breathing too fast and getting too much oxygen in your blood and not enough Co2.
You could go - aim for stages - getting there and having a drink and if you feel ok then agree to stay for dinner .
Water with squirt of rescue remedy in it , sniffing lavender oil etc
Well done for going out today.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Thanks Meg, i copied down what you told me and went to the local shops (on my own) whilst reading it, i thought if anyone thinks i'm mad i could just pretend i was reading a letter from a friend, anyway i was ok thanks to you, deep down i know all of ins and outs, but i seem to need re-assuring from time to time, i'll take it with me tommorrow, does this sound stupid, oh, what the heck, if it helps me and doesn't hurt anyone else..... and i must learn how to spell tommorow!
Well done carlin, I too dont feel any better after going out and like you suffered on and off for years. I only go out if wife or one of the kids take me too. are you on any medication or receiving any help at all? take care Vernon
Thank you Vernon, I don't take medication, tried a few years back - not a success, one of my biggest fears are doctors, hospitals etc. and tablets, have tried lots of alternative medicines, some have helped, i have had counselling, hypnotherapy, you name it i have probably tried it, i was told by one doctor, when i was at one of my lowest points, that he would not prescribe me any tablets, as once i got used to them, it would probably take another year to get off of them, i am happier without medication , must admit i like a couple of beers though, another crutch i suppose my problems seem so trivial compared to some of the decisions you are having to eal with right now, thank you for caring and keep in touch
Hi Carlin
Well done for getting out to the shops and for coping.
I hope the meal goes well tonight.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hey Carlin , thats great !!
Every day please you need to go out somewhere .Park will do on some days .
Keep it going
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi everyone, a small success i would like to share, saturday afternoon went marks and sparks, done food shop for munchies on Tuesday (that's another story) and then browsed alone around the rest of the store and then saturday evening put on my glad rags and had a lovely meal with hubby, and a few drinks in pub after - i did not feel dizzy nor did i panic once, what a relief to have a day off, i think we all deserve a break, well 2 weeks ago (my first post on this subject, i could barely get out of the front door, maybe i won't want to tommorow, but i felt so good last night, like a 'normal' human being, hubby had fun too. thanks for listening once again.
Hi Carlin
Well done with your success yesterday with shoppping and eating out, you must be so chuffed with yourself.
Take care
Elaine x
Hey Carlin.
Small success ???
Sounds like a couple of stonking great big ones for you in a short space of time.
I hope this shows hubby too that this is just temporary and will pass and all his efforts are worth it...
Very well done indeed !!!
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Carlin
Well done! Two successes in one day. Good news about the shopping trip and then going out for a meal - and enjoying it.
You're making such good progress.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi, it's me again, have been having a real pig of a time again, am getting so fed up with this, 2 weeks ago i had two days of no panic or symptoms, i actually felt like a normal women, than next day wham, back to what i class as normal and now 2 weeks on i'm once again tired of trying to go out it's easier that i stay at home, tried recently, on several occasions, but had to get out of the shops i still couldn't convince myself it was or is panic, hubby is also getting fed up with it and me,no sympathy at present, i'm rambling on a bit, deep down i know i will survive again, but i'm just tired of fighting this every day of my life, gosh this is hard work isn't it? will it ever go away, surely i deserve some time off for good behaviour sorry to have gone on, but it helps me so much to come here and write what i feel. thanks
Hi Carlin,
It goes like this. A few steps forward and than partly back .
You need to build your confidence again so do go out eac and every day but there is no need to go to the shops . You can choose somewhere like a park and go tere each day for a week or so and stay 20 mins or so .
Then whan that feels comfy head closer to the shops. You can take an emergency pack withh you and just aim to stay a few minutes.
With gradual growing and feeling comfy with each step does help .
What bit do you find to believe may be panic ?
Meg
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
Thanks Meg, i'll try really hard to make an effort to get out each day. My main problem is dizziness - as i have said before. i always think that this will be the time when i do collapse or make a fool out of myself, once away from the situation i nearly always feel better, but still, after all these years, find it hard to ride it out, or ignore it
nomorepanic
14-11-04, 19:48
Carlin
I can relate to how you feel and I am sure that most can on here.
I used to have a great day then was so down for the next week, I would have no panic one day then loads the next day!
I used to keep asking myself "why me" and why can I be fine one day and not the next?
It will take to heal, like any other illness, and you will have good and bad days but stick at it ok? It will, in time, be that you have more good days than bad and you must congratulate yourself on all those achievements that you make.
I had the dizziness for many years - it was the last symptom to go for me and I used to hate it !!
I still get it back now when I feel panicky or anxious so I can appreciate how hard it is to feel positive.
Hope you feel better soon.
Nicola
hi Carlin,
sorry you are having a difficult time again. I can totally relate to what you say. Going out was a major trauma for me for ages. It still is sometimes.
The others are right though, if you give in (like I did), it just gets worse and worse.
Try going out each day even if its just for a walk around the block.
I will be thinking of you
Sue
Sue
Thanks Sue, yesterday went to Curry's to buy new tv video etc...with hubby of course, was in shop for ages signing agreements for pay later and sky deals..... sort of coped ok, had pleasant evening, slept ok, thought how well i had done, got out of bed, felt scared and dizzy and that was it, another day wasted my point is, why, it seems every little thing i do to try to build my confidence up i get knocked back and yes i know it is only me knocking myself back, but if there was a magic pill, or better still if i had a little angel whispering in my ear that i will be ok that would be good I suppose it is now a lack of confidence and as i have said before sometimes it's easier for everyone if i stay at home.
Carlin,
I used a few mantras a lot during my acute phase .
For those days when I felt wobbly but part of me was ok . I used JFDI . 'Just ........... do it '. I found repeating the abbreviated form of the phrase powerful and it got me through many a wobbly morning.
On really difficult days I would sometimes alter where I was going to be closer but I never didn't go anywhere and the mantra was 'I'm going to be absolutely fine despite feeling wobbly '.
I may have thrown up on motorways and was totally convinced I would pass out at my various places of work and that I would forget who I was in a petrol station but those two little phrases did me proud for many months.
I think you should try really ard not to see a bad day as a wasted day but as a day to be kind to yourself and do someting a bit later on .
Do ensure this is not a caffieine reaction and that you've plenty of Vit B on board and have had some non sugar based breakfast.
Meg
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
nomorepanic
17-11-04, 22:05
Carlin
Something that helps me is to call someone for reassurance. I just need to be told I am fine and coping. It does help.
That can sometimes knock you back into action.
Nicola
Hi again Carlin,
The dizziness is a real pain isnt it. I have always found it to be my worst and most scary symptom. It is the one thing that seems to be hanging on for me. I still get dizzy and it still scares me but (Touching very large piece of wood) it hasnt blown in to a full blown panic attack for about 5 weeks.
I know what you mean about wasted days as well, I wasted most of the last year! I would hide indoors, too scared to go out. I was even too scared to make a post on here! So I know exactly how you are feeling and its horrible.
The one thing I would suggest is that next time you feel dizzy and feel that the rest of the day should be written off. Try to do something afterwards, anything, it doesnt matter. This was suggested to me by my councillor. It proves to yourself that the rest of the day doesnt HAVE to be written off. I found that it worked for me but I must admit I do still have to push myself in to it sometimes.
I hope you are feeling a bit better today Carlin.
Sue
Sue
oh dear, me again, i've tried not to bother anyone in case you get fed up with me moaning, but i get so scared, i seem to be getting worse, i'm dizzy from the moment i get out of bed 'til i go back and then it all starts over again. I wake up with a jolt, stomach churning and frightened, what of, i don't know and then the day seems to deteriote from there, i'm tired and a bit fed up. christmas is fast approaching and i have lots of shopping to do, as do all of you, but that winds me up, having trouble getting out at the moment, again. can anyone else relate to this, i feel scared most of the time, thank goodness i can let off steam here, thanks for listening again, i know i have said all of this before but i'm just feeling a bit off right now. thanks
Hi,
I read this and went straight off to the post office and have sent you another CD set .
At least try to make time to use the relaxation CD regularly and if you're having a home day start the set.
No problems with you moaning as much as you like....
Are you on Vit B complex- 50mg and fish oils ?
Do you eat something last thing and first thing - non sugar- Bananas are great.
Have you tried big swigs of tonic water for the churning ?
Valarian tablets/ tincture to get you through the worst days.
Have you company at all during the day to do things with ...
What thoughts/images are replaying in your mind as soon as you get up ?
Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
Thank you Meg, i take no supplements at all, but found the recent info on omego 3 interesting, and i have been told previouly to take vit b. I only take black cohosh (for the menopause), which helps with hot flushes and mood swings. Will get to shops tommorow and get some supplies, can you take all sorts of things together, and how do i know which one is helping me, obviously i should start taking one at a time, answered my own question there. I do eat well, but find sitting down to a meal quite scary at the moment, i should eat more, and if you saw the size of me you would think i eat for england.. i do drink lager on a daily basis, which i find relaxes me a little, not good i know,. As for daytime, hubby works nights, so he is here during the day and i have a few friends who live locally, but harry and i tend to spend the days together, as we don't have much chance as he is out most nights and works week-ends, we are hoping to change this in the new year Upon waking, my first thought is 'how dizzy do i feel today and do i have to go out or do anything special I appreciate you sending me another package, i am sure it will help me, sorry to go on and thanks again
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