Anxiety is taking over my life, again.

[Movingforward]

About 2 weeks ago, my boss made a move on me and I ended up sleeping with him because I didn't want to lose my job/make things awkward. I managed to get away before he 'finished' but now I'm paranoid that I've managed to contract HIV. I've had a sore throats that's lasted about a week now, 85/ only on the one side and it's quite tender to touch on the outside and this morning I've woken up to a small ulcer on the back of my gum and one on my tongue. I'm trying to tell myself it's because I'm run down due to working 20 hours (finishing at midnight) -'d then I'm up most of the night feeding my daughter and she's recently had a very mild case of hand food and mouth which I haven't contracted because I don't have the rash on me but because of my health anxiety I'm convinced I have HIV. There is no reason for me to believe he has any sexual health problems, although I don't know his sexual history and he comes over as a nice (obviously a bit too pushy) guy. I know the tests for HIV don't show up until over a few weeks post sexual contact which is why I'm asking here and not going straight to a dr! .

[SLA]

Deep down, do you think there is a need to panic?

[lior]

I am so sorry to hear about the situation you are in.

It sounds like your boss abused his power by making a move on you. Did you actually want to sleep with him?

It's true that HIV test results aren't conclusive until after a few weeks, but I think now that two weeks have passed, it's worth taking a complete STD test - just test for everything. Ask for advice on HIV - they will tell you when you can do a follow up test.

When you do your check, it's important to explain the circumstances under which you had sex, because it doesn't sound fully consensual. They can offer you support if you want it. I've seen other people worrying about HIV when they've had sex they're not sure they want - your mind is giving you a decoy worry instead of the main concern about the troubling experience of the sex in itself, which can be more painful to think about than the possibility of an STD.

Maybe I'm projecting on to you and barking up the wrong tree - sorry if that's the case.

If you feel uncomfortable with your boss at work, is there anyone you can talk to about his behaviour? Nobody should ever have to feel like they have to have sex with someone to keep their job.

Hope your daughter gets well soon. x

---------- Post added at 14:54 ---------- Previous post was at 14:49 ----------

I just read your previous posts. Your HIV fear is nothing new. It can be easier to fear familiar fears than new kinds of fears.

I really don't think it's ok for any boss to make their employee feel that they have to sleep with them to keep their job. Would you do that? Pushing for sex against someone's will is also known as 'coercion'.

[Movingforward]

I know, I feel like an idiot for getting myself in a position like this again however this was in no way intentional and it's only really hit me the complications this will cause. I've made a dr appointment for next week, so I can discuss it all with my dr then but for now I'm struggling to keep my mind from racing. The logical part of my brain tells me there is only a very small chance of anything but the anxiety disorder cancels that out and sends my mind into overdrive.

[lior]

Keep that part of you that knows it's just the anxiety talking. Make that part of you the louder voice.

Your boss was taking advantage of you. Your should not berate yourself - be angry at him for abusing his power.

Take things step by step. Everything of this sort is a learning experience. Be gentle on yourself.

[Ronan23]

I'm not saying it's impossible, but a doc once told me that HIV is incredibly unlikely unless you had anal sex.

[Movingforward]

Since yesterday I've had a complete lack of appetite. I googled it and HIG was something that came up. I'm now utterly miserable and anxious again just after I had managed to get my anxiety under control.

My son has had a bug where he's had diorrhea for the last 48 hours and last night he was sick so I guess it's possible I'm coming down with what he had but I just find it unusual that I've not eaten in 24 hours and I'm not hungry/bothered about food.

I am seeing a dr on Tuesday but that is still 4 days away!

[Primula]

You are anxious that's why you don't want to eat. It's highly unlikely you have HIV but it sounds like you have a lot of guilt and regret about what happened. Try not to beat yourself up, you are only human, sleeping with someone doesn't make you a bad person. Have you considered counselling? It can be very helpful for HA and also for working on self esteem issues and guilt so that you are more able to say no to people like your boss, without feeling guilty.

[Movingforward]

I'm really struggling today. My dr was no help at all but gave me the number of the clinic to go to. I'm really struggling to keep myself calm and keep going. My mind is in overdrive and I don't know why because I was ok yesterday. I've got a slightly itchy rash on my chest and I've convinced myself it's the rash you get with HIV and because I'm obsessing with it I'm itchy all over now. I have a crack on the outside of my lip in the corner which I've convinced myself is bad news and I've lost a little bit weight and even though I'm on a diet and I know I haven't been eating too much (ive lost 3/4 of a lb in one day) if I feel hard enough I can feel my lymph nodes as well I'm just condemning myself. It's all getting s little bit too much and I'm really struggling with anxiety attacks this morning. I'm going to call the clinic but I am not free until next week now because I have blood tests for a completely different thing tomorrow and then I'm working. Life feels very dark right now.