grace.M
10-11-16, 17:21
Hey everyone,
i've been away for quite some time, i've been on citalopram for around 4 years and it has helped me live almost anxiety free... of course i had the odd panic attack and anxiety, but i always got past it.
recently a fear of mine kick started the 'panic cycle' of which one panic attack led me to have a panic attack based on the same phobia around 3 weeks later, in the same situation. ever since i've been tense and really unsure of how to deal with the anxiety, despite years of experience before being on medication... its like its brand new all over again!
anyway, the fear was aggression... i had an intrusive thought 'why not pull someones hair out?' and instead of thinking thoughts are just thoughts.. i had an all out panic attack, only i was on a bus, so no shaking, no crying.. i was bottling it with just my heart racing and feeling a wash of terror and hot sweats. i fixated on the idea i could just go crazy and get angry at someone even though i am not an aggressive person.. at all! i swerved out of the way of a leaf on my way home from work because i thought it was a small animal.
Anyway, i stepped out of the bus and sure enough the anxiety left me, in the form of vomit into the nearest hedge :doh: but i felt more than just the average panic attack that i could think was just anxiety, the fact it was tied to a fear made me feel disgusted with myself and really fearful of having another panic attack, or snapping at someone.
i'm sorry this is a long rant, i don't want to be a person that snaps all their anger out with no control. (i have never really fully understood or expressed anger in a way i would think of as rage) so i'm terrified its some box i can't close... like one day i'll get angry because a door won't close then start destroying the house. its such a silly fear but its causing me so much stress i'm scared of even thinking of being angry.
i'd love to hear any suggestions or anyone who has panic attacks triggered by a loss of control or intrusive thoughts. i'm terrified
i've been away for quite some time, i've been on citalopram for around 4 years and it has helped me live almost anxiety free... of course i had the odd panic attack and anxiety, but i always got past it.
recently a fear of mine kick started the 'panic cycle' of which one panic attack led me to have a panic attack based on the same phobia around 3 weeks later, in the same situation. ever since i've been tense and really unsure of how to deal with the anxiety, despite years of experience before being on medication... its like its brand new all over again!
anyway, the fear was aggression... i had an intrusive thought 'why not pull someones hair out?' and instead of thinking thoughts are just thoughts.. i had an all out panic attack, only i was on a bus, so no shaking, no crying.. i was bottling it with just my heart racing and feeling a wash of terror and hot sweats. i fixated on the idea i could just go crazy and get angry at someone even though i am not an aggressive person.. at all! i swerved out of the way of a leaf on my way home from work because i thought it was a small animal.
Anyway, i stepped out of the bus and sure enough the anxiety left me, in the form of vomit into the nearest hedge :doh: but i felt more than just the average panic attack that i could think was just anxiety, the fact it was tied to a fear made me feel disgusted with myself and really fearful of having another panic attack, or snapping at someone.
i'm sorry this is a long rant, i don't want to be a person that snaps all their anger out with no control. (i have never really fully understood or expressed anger in a way i would think of as rage) so i'm terrified its some box i can't close... like one day i'll get angry because a door won't close then start destroying the house. its such a silly fear but its causing me so much stress i'm scared of even thinking of being angry.
i'd love to hear any suggestions or anyone who has panic attacks triggered by a loss of control or intrusive thoughts. i'm terrified