View Full Version : Trying to face my fear :(
Hello everyone,
I posted here a few weeks ago as I'd booked a plane ticket to Bangkok (12 hrs and on my own) to see my OH who lives out here. I get panic attacks in enclosed spaces (trains, planes, busses, ferries, lifts etc) or when I feel I can't 'get off'.
The journey was REALLY hard work and I need some advice/inspiration to help me get home :weep:
I started to have a panic attack at passport control, another one in Boots, while I was at the gate and then about 4-5 biggies while I was on the plane. I must of downed about a bottle of rescue remedy. I guess I was suprised as in the past if I've 'sat' with my fear I've always felt good after...like I achieved something and I could do that situation again.
This time was different...even though I managed the journey I felt very anxious for most of the journey. There was no letup and I'm not used to that. I don't feel positive at all and now I'm so anxious about coming home as I know what's ahead. I don't feel any relief or achievement which is mad as I haven't flown on my own for over 10 years and what I did was a really big deal for me.
My OH doesn't really understand all this...he's v supportive if I have an 'attack' with him but he doesn't get the recovery process. I don't hold that against him...how can you understand all this if you haven't been through it yourself?
Anyways, sorry, this is a bit of personal reflection/rambling...:blush:
Any advice would be really appreciated.
Thanks for reading, xs
yorkylover
04-04-07, 17:07
Well done for getting there:yahoo:
I agree with lolly,try a walkman with relaxation tapes.You have done really well and you can do it again:yesyes:
YOU DID IT:yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:
yes you have done really well .the anxiety hasnt lifted as you know you have to come back and are fearing that .
you got there and are ok so you will get back ok .you know you will be alright .
enjoy your holiday .you will be fine .
You've done it once hun and you can do it again.
Try and think to yourself that not only are you going to do it again but this time you are going to try to relax and enjoy the experience.
This is a great opportunity for you to practice your skills to make them better. View the experience as exactly this, an opportunity to practice and we all know that practice eventually makes perfect, or as near as damn it.
Be kind to yourself and remember to treat yourself the same way you would a nervous friend.
We will all be waiting here for the plane to touch down and wishing you lots of good wishes for the journey.:yesyes:
Love Piglet :flowers:
groovygranny
04-04-07, 23:52
Hiya SweetPea. :)
First of all, I am full of admiration for you. A twelve hour flight? You are a STAR! :flowers::flowers::flowers:
Haven't got any advice I'm afraid - just letting you know you're not alone.
I fly out to Egypt next Monday and I'm in deep poo-poo, and that's only 6 hrs!! Very uppy-downy at the mo.:huh:
I agree with everyone else - you have proved you can do it once ,so you just gotta do it again and you're home :winks:!! Crikey, you've attempted what I never would be able to so you'll be fine!
Sorry I'm not more help:weep:.........but can I ask a favour? If you get home before I go, can you PM me please??!!:blush:
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs: Hi
When I'm on a plane I don't look out the window and I pretend I'm not there. You could practise on holiday visualising a really peaceful and safe place for you and then think about it on the plane. Really look at everything carefully in your mind and notice the colour of the flowers, hear the sound of the water etc etc - concentrate your mind on it. Good luck!
:flowers:
Hi
In the past I have told the air hostess my problem and they have been really kind. For example, once they let me stay in toilet (I was pretending to be on a coach) as long as a queue didn't build up. Other times they have come and sat with me. I never look out the window as I don't want to be reminded I'm up in the air. Concentrate on the film or a good book and take it hour by hour (small chunks). Try and have a conversation with another passenger, that'll pass a bit of time. Well done for getting there in the first place!!
Kayx
Dying_Swan
05-04-07, 12:22
Hey.
I too hate flying. I don't have panic attacks on planes, but I'm just terrified of every bump. A 12 hour flight is a long-un and I know how horrible they are! I just flew back from the US on my own. Only 6 hours but it was very bumpy and I called the steward. I told him I was petrified (My actual words were, "are we about to plummet into the atlantic?") but he was so good. I really recommend speaking to the cabin crew and telling them you're scared. They are so used to it and can make you feel a whole lot better.
I also sometimes pretend I'm on a train, and then the bumps seem more normal. And definitely do whatever you can to distract yourself.....read, listen to music and watch movies. It does help.
Best of luck xxx
I just want to say WELL DONE!!!
That is a massive achievement.:yesyes: Try and enjoy the time you have with your OH.
A good distraction on the plane would be an ipod with relaxation tape or soothing music. I also find a quix book like sudoko or word puzzles will take your mind off the thoughts rambling in your head.
Give yourself a big hug for doing so well. I know you can get back home fine xx
:hugs:
Well done you for getting there ! I had the same experience when I flew to Hong Kong - coming home I had my "tool box" filled with book, tape, crosswords, paper bag in case I hyperventilated, and arnica homeopathic tabs. Nowadays I also travel with my EFT sheet which always calms me. See www.emofree.com (http://www.emofree.com) Its easy to do and it works by "tapping" on acupressure points - in a panic start by tapping your collar-bone (just to the left or right of the front of your chest) and saying "I'm safe and secure and calm and relaxed" - sounds crazy but it works !
Thank you all so much!! :flowers:
Your replies mean a lot to me and make me feel so much better...:hugs:
This forum really is a life saver :yesyes:
I'm actually thinking of changing my flight home as I've been sick for a few days... once it's done I'll post and let you know how it went.
This is such challenging stuff but thank you all for your advice.
Love sweetpea.x
Hello again... just thought I'd update this thread.
Yesterday I was sitting on a beach in Thailand thinking about my journey home - 1 ferry and 2 planes. I was apprehensive on the ferry but OK...the first plane journey was a quick 40 minutes to Bangkok and I felt really uncomfortable as it was a small plane with only 30ish people plus we were right at the back and I wasn't sure which end everyone would get out of. I find it v hard when everyone gets up at the end and feel very trapped.
Started to feel vvv panicky as we landed and then the plane took aaaaaaages to stop and I had a very strong adrenalin surge (don't like the term panic attack!). I tried to breathe, reassure myself etc but it felt like too much and I was so relieved to get off. That was one of the worst one's I'd had in a long long time.
Arrived at the airport with 4 hours till my next flight...feeling really nervous now and exhuasted plus with the added emotion of having to say goodbye to my OH who works out there. We got a 3 hour delay and by the time I boarded the plane I was frightened but knew I just had to simply get on with it.
So, the acutal journey was OK :yesyes: . A couple of 'moments' when I had to think about my breathing, reassure myself but I managed to sleep for 9 hours and once I'd watched a film and chatted to the guy next to me it was time to land.
Landing, for some utterly irrational bonkers reason, is the hardest bit for me which sounds ridiculous as it will mean I'll be able to get off :shrug: It's almost as though for that last bit I can't move untill we stop...i.e if I have a 'surge' I just have to sit there and let it pass - can't sneak off to the loo and do it in private. This is obviously a BIG deal for me as the pilot announced that we need to cross the runway and wait for a few minutes while a space became free.
Well, this just about tipped me over the edge and within seconds another 'surge' but much stronger was happening. I tried to work on my breathing and reassure myself but it got stronger and stronger...I kept looking outside and we still weren't moving...the feelings were now REALLY unpleasant and I wasn't helping myself with scary thoughts of me running up to the cockpit and demanding the pilot to shift the plane RIGHT NOW!!!
The guy next to me helped me out and got me some water...I downed a load of rescue remedy and started to count out loud backwards from 100 and also talking out loud to myself 'that I'd done so well', 'we were nearly there', 'just a few more minutes', 'keep it together'...got down to 11 and realised we still weren't moving so started from 100 again!!!
Eventually we started to move and finally we stopped. As usual everyone jumped up to get their bags and within a few minutes I jumped off the place with the BIGGEST SMILE ON MY FACE.
I think I really did try and do a bit too much on this trip - I hadn't flow on my own for over 10 years and to go straight into a 12 hr flight was very challenging. I'd tried to practise feeling my fear before I left by going on trains but I know this was a very half hearted effort and I could always find something else I'd rather to.
It's made me realise how tough it is to feel your fear and try and break this awful cycle that so many of us find ourselves in. I need to keep on practising and practising....hopefully it will 'make perfect' one day. This is a long recovery process for me and as I'm not the most patient of people I find that hard. I hope you don't find this post negative as I talk a lot about how difficult this all is but for me it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face in my life.
Anways, enough ramblings from me....
Thank you for reading!
s.x
PS I printed out all your previous replies and read them on the journey - thank you again, they REALLY helped. :flowers:
W.I.F.T.S.
17-04-07, 22:25
I can totally empathise with you sweetpea. A couple of years ago I decided to challenge myself and fly to Amsterdam with my dad and some friends. I was quite nervous on the way to the airport, but I tried to just accept it. I tried reading as the plane was about to take off, but I ended up having one of the biggest panic attacks of my life and it was truly hellish. I was hyperventilating and the stewardess had to sit with me for the whole of the flight. It didn't help that my dad pretended to be asleep and the guys that I was with were trying to tease me, saying that I was putting it on to gain the stewardesses attention. I felt very depersonalised and I just couldn't get my head around where I was. I just didn't make any sense to me that I was 30,000ft or whatever above the north sea. I felt in a completely alien environment and I had an incredibly strong urge to get out of the plane.
When I got to the other side I felt very, very ill. When I saw the policemen with guns at the airport I had an urge to grab the gun and to start shooting. We got into Amsterdam and I went out for a couple of beers and felt a bit better. Unfortunately, I had to share the same bed as my dad that night who was farting, talking in his sleep and doing everything possible to keep me up all night. The next day, while everyone went out for the day, I stopped in bed trying to catch up on some sleep, unable to face the outside world. The room was tiny and grim and I had a great urge to throw myself out of the window.
I spent most of that day worrying, going through my options for getting home. I was determined not to fly, but getting the train or hiring a car and taking the ferry were completely unfeasible, even if one of the others would have gone with me. In the end I decided that I had to bite the bullet and take the plane....it would be as traumatic as the other options, but it would be over much more quickly. The return flight wasn't pleasant, but it was much easier than the flight out because I was going home and I knew what to expect from it. I was soooooooooo relieved to touch down in Liverpool.
I know what you mean, facing your fears is supposed to bring about relief, but sometimes it can be so traumatic that it can cause us to go backwards. I became more agoraphobic after that trip.
Good on you though for going that far. Even before my breakdown, there's very little chance that i could go as far as that. You've done amazingly well. I guess that it would be difficult to get beta blockers out there, but they've really helped me at times of severe stress because they stop so much adrenaline getting released. I'm sure that you'll be fine though. If you got that far on your own then the return will be a doddle.
Good luck.
groovygranny
20-04-07, 12:33
Hiya Sweetpea!
Just caught up with this thread - after I just pm'd you :huh:- typical GG!
On the flippin' contrary, this thread is so positive - I'm in complete awe of you, you know! What an inspiration!
WELL DONE!
I took your advice and used Rescue Remedy and an MP3 player on my recent escapade - very good advice....although I think I may need further instruction on how to direct the RR spray!!:shades: Thank you!:flowers:
And WELL DONE to you too W.I.F.T.S., that was no mean feat:)
Paddington
20-04-07, 12:44
:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy: WOW SWEET PEA,WHAT A STAR:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: You have done so amazingly well,i can never see myself flying ,i have just accepted it!:lac: So ,No,this is not negative hun,but a very positive thread and wow girl you are amazing,big respect to you hun:flowers: Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxx
Just wanted to say thanks for the replies...:flowers:
W.I.F.T.S - thank you for sharing your story. I guess we have to accept that part of facing our fears is that things don't always go to plan. I used to think if I had a panic atack it was a step backwards. Now I know, even though it doesn't feel like it, it really is going forward because YOU'RE DOING IT!!
GG - we meet again!! Well done you too on the flight...WE DID IT!!!!
Paddie - thanks for your kind words. It really does mean a lot. When I tell my friends and family about what I've done they don't really understand what I've gone through. So while I'm all :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo: they just think I'm a bit nuts!!!
Your posts make me feel v :hugs: !!!!
Take care everyone...
:notworthy: O.M.G. SEETPEA, that is brilliant, i do,nt think i could have done what you did, what am i saying i know i would ,nt have done what you did ,and all on your own, WELL DONE YOU. Your family may think that it was no big deal ,but we know that it was.:yesyes: :yesyes:
nomorepanic
24-04-07, 22:22
Wow
You did so fab!! I am so proud of you - I could never do that.
Well done for coping and I bet you are so chuffed :yesyes: :yesyes:
bubbleblitt
25-04-07, 07:08
Hi Sweetpea-well done for going through with the flight-long haul as well, my worst nightmare!I have the same fear and recently went on a return flight just from newcastle to Gatwick.I had a really bad 4 weeks on the build up to the flight but I did it.Now I have a long haul flight booked for Florida in 8 weeks and I've already started to feel twitchy and unsettled.I'm going on the theory that I have to look my fear in the eye and overcome it but I know how really scarey that is so congrats on going through with your journey.I think you are really brave and understand completey what that must have been like take care,:yesyes: Bubble x
Good on you Bubble for booking the flight :yesyes:
The apprehension in a way is worse than actually doing it! All the 'what if's' that go through your mind...at least when you're on the plane you're actually doing it! I took a 'lovely bag' with me and filled it with goodies - a novel, crap mags, soduku book, pens and a journal, i-pod, snacks, rescue remedy plus I also took a few piccies of my family and places I'd visited just to remind me about people I love, places I'd been too....
What I can say about long haul is for me it was easier than a short flight! I know, doesn't really make sense but just the fact I had a bit more space made the whole journey much more bearable. The small flights where everyone is crammed in are where I start too feel panicky.
I know it's easier said than done but try not to think too much about the flight. When a 'what if' thought popped into my head I used to say out loud 'I'm not thinking about this now' and literally stop the thought. I also tried to focus on where I was going (Thailand) and what a wonderful time we were going to have...
And thanks Nicola and Rikards.... I've had so many kind words from people - I've noticed how I haven't really patted myself on the back for what I did. I don't think many of us are able to acknowledge how well we've done when trying to face our fears.
So, I'm going to give myself a treat and book a massage!!!!
Thanks again... it's amazing to feel supported by a group of people I've never even met!!!
xs
bubbleblitt
26-04-07, 06:53
Hi Sweetpea, I've been like this for years.We have a house in Orlando so we fly there quite often.I find that the build up to the flight is much worse than the flight itself! I used to be thinking about it about a week before and then for a month before.I'm off in 8 weeks and already feel twitchy! I was thinking about trying hpnotherapy-I wonder if any of you have tried it? Bubble
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.