View Full Version : I'm done with trying.
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:01
Loneliness has officially got the better of me. I have no friends now and probably won't ever. Not truly as the best friendships are made in your youth, it's a known fact of life.
The best years (18-25) are over. No matter what I'm coming from behind, and I won't be caught up, so it's futile to try and make new friends. That's what is killing me the most, not being able to go back in life and make up the lost years everyone else was able to have. I'll be always be inferior in comparison to everybody else.
18-25 are the best years for what?
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:07
18-25 are the best years for what?
They're the years you can have the most fun, freedom, hedonism. You can experiment, make mistakes. You can live your life to the max.
Rubbish
bit of an insult to most people on here id say
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:08
Rubbish
Okay, fine. Why?
I also saw your edit, there's no intention to insult anyone, I'm merely stating things as I see them.
Is my 59th birthday tomorrow. Are you suggesting I'm a boring old cow with no chance of fun freedom and hedonism any more? ? I'm actually still capable of the odd experiment and mistake. And I live life to the max. But you have to make the effort whatever age you are
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:17
Is my 59th birthday tomorrow. Are you suggesting I'm a boring old cow with no chance of fun freedom and hedonism any more? ? I'm actually still capable of the odd experiment and mistake. And I live life to the max. But you have to make the effort whatever age you are
Well, not necessarily. But I've lost those years, it's hard to feel good about it right now. In time, maybe I won't feel so bad about it, but right now, it's killing me.
It's too late for effort, the most interesting generally have their friends for life now. I don't want to make the effort just to be stuck at acquaintance level forever, which is highly likely. :(
Life reinvents itself every day. There are always opportunities to make new friends and try new things.
If someone offered me the opportunity to relive my 18-25 years I wouldn't do it if they paid me tbh.
Looking back on what you have or haven't done with your life is the way to keep you stuck. Find whatever way you can to accept the past and move on. It's very difficult but absolutely do-able. I know because I've done it. Find your own way, keep trying.
brucealmighty
12-11-16, 19:26
you can look at it any way you like, I`ve lost an awful lot of years to mental illness and alcoholism but whether its pig-headedness or acceptance I just try to see how each day goes now. it could help you maybe do a bit of a plan of where you`ll go, what clubs or societies you could join, even chat groups on twitter or whatever other things are around now. the hardest step is walking through the door so to speak, so try to frame it as having a new day to try tomorrow and see what you can make of it
and happy birthday for tomorrow phuzella, 59 is absolutely nowt - colonel sanders didn`t hit on his winning chicken coating until he was in his 70s so I hope you`re getting a pogo stick, a crossbow, a trampoline and tickets to a rave for your big day!:D
Is my 59th birthday tomorrow. Are you suggesting I'm a boring old cow with no chance of fun freedom and hedonism any more? ? I'm actually still capable of the odd experiment and mistake. And I live life to the max. But you have to make the effort whatever age you are
PMSL you go girl
Thank you Elen :D
and yes Bruce the pogo stick is all fired up and ready to go :D
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:31
Looking back on what you have or haven't done with your life is the way to keep you stuck. Find whatever way you can to accept the past and move on. It's very difficult but absolutely do-able. I know because I've done it. Find your own way, keep trying.
I'm stuck anyway. I won't be caught up or better than anyone else. Even if I found new friends tonight, I'll feel inferior to them, they'll be better than me. I can only move on when I've made up the lost time, and chances are that's not going to happen. Most have lived those years and ready to move onto the next step. I want to do the silly, shallow things forever. Well, not want, but I need to get it out of my system.
You can't make up the lost time though, there's the fly in the ointment. How old are you anyway
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:41
You can't make up the lost time though, there's the fly in the ointment. How old are you anyway
I know, but it still hurts. I am 27, 28 in a couple of months.
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Life reinvents itself every day. There are always opportunities to make new friends and try new things.
If someone offered me the opportunity to relive my 18-25 years I wouldn't do it if they paid me tbh.
Friends?! not really. At best, I'd be a minor acquaintance, but that's nothing to me.
Did you have any fun in those years though? it's probably natural not to want them back if you'd at least lived them.
---------- Post added at 19:41 ---------- Previous post was at 19:39 ----------
you can look at it any way you like, I`ve lost an awful lot of years to mental illness and alcoholism but whether its pig-headedness or acceptance I just try to see how each day goes now. it could help you maybe do a bit of a plan of where you`ll go, what clubs or societies you could join, even chat groups on twitter or whatever other things are around now. the hardest step is walking through the door so to speak, so try to frame it as having a new day to try tomorrow and see what you can make of it
and happy birthday for tomorrow phuzella, 59 is absolutely nowt - colonel sanders didn`t hit on his winning chicken coating until he was in his 70s so I hope you`re getting a pogo stick, a crossbow, a trampoline and tickets to a rave for your big day!:D
I tried one of those 'clubs' a few times. Big mistake. I'd have had more fun with a club chocolate bar.
I have a son your age. Four years ago he moved to Central Asia to teach English. The year before he went, he fell into a very deep depression because his dad,my husband died unexpectedly aged 55. I bullied him, in a caring way of course, to decide what he wanted out of life and go for it. He did and has never looked back. He's just got married out there. You have to make the effort
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:44
I have a son your age. Four years ago he moved to Central Asia to teach English. The year before he went, he fell into a very deep depression because his dad,my husband died unexpectedly aged 55. I bullied him, in a caring way of course, to decide what he wanted out of life and go for it. He did and has never looked back. He's just got married out there. You have to make the effort
I'm sorry to hear that. I can't begin to imagine how he or you felt.
I still feel I've lost my big chance for everything I want and more, like 99.9% seem to have. Even if I try my best, I won't get it all.
Beckybecks
12-11-16, 19:45
I'm 59 and I wouldn't want to be 25 again. Not the best times of my life at all. It's when you think you know everything and you actually know nothing at all. I have no contact with a single friend I had at that age. But I have plenty of true friends now.
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:47
I'm 59 and I wouldn't want to be 25 again. Not the best times of my life at all. It's when you think you know everything and you actually know nothing at all. I have no contact with a single friend I had at that age. But I have plenty of true friends now.
Maybe. But right now, it's killing me. I don't have the benefit of hindsight yet.
None of us get it all . Life is what you make it.
And don't believe that everyone else has a perfect happy life.
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 19:49
None of us get it all . Life is what you make it.
So they say, but I don't believe it. I've been trying for years and years. I have nothing to show for it. And I highly doubt something big is just waiting for me.
Friends?! not really. At best, I'd be a minor acquaintance, but that's nothing to me.
Did you have any fun in those years though? it's probably natural not to want them back if you'd at least lived them.
Yeah I had fun. I worked hard too. But I've gained so much in my 30's in terms of wisdom, confidence on the job, meeting more like minded people.
Friendship does change as you grow older and the responsibilities of life get more demanding. But it's no less fulfilling - it's just different. It may not be a go out clubbing every weekend relationship, but a pick up right where you left off no matter how long you've been busy with life otherwise kind of relationship. There's something wonderful about that.
If you close yourself off you will only fulfill your own grim prophecy. Keep your heart and mind open to the opportunities that do present themselves.
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 20:00
Yeah I had fun. I worked hard too. But I've gained so much in my 30's in terms of wisdom, confidence on the job, meeting more like minded people.
Friendship does change as you grow older and the responsibilities of life get more demanding. But it's no less fulfilling - it's just different. It may not be a go out clubbing every weekend relationship, but a pick up right where you left off no matter how long you've been busy with life otherwise kind of relationship. There's something wonderful about that.
If you close yourself off you will only fulfill your own grim prophecy. Keep your heart and mind open to the opportunities that do present themselves.
There you go, you had fun. I haven't. If I had, there's a good chance I'd feel the same way. Except I have no friends whatsoever.
I'll fulfil the prophecy anyway, even if I try not to. Especially judging by what you've said, it's sensible, don't get me wrong. But you at least had some friends to have the shallow years with, now with the responsibilities, people socialise less, therefore they're more likely to stick with what they've got. If you're starting from zero like me, you're pretty much ****ed.
randomforeigner
12-11-16, 20:15
The best years (18-25) are over.
How old are you now? Obviously over 25... ?
Meanwhile you could look out for John T Cacioppo's books, they're rather insightful. Or watch him on YouTube. Pretty uplifting. Although no blanket cheque on what to do, there are some pretty good ideas in there.
Do you do fly fishing? I've heard it's a guy thing where people actually do meet with friends, they get together and bind flies and bond, or so I've understood it anyway. Then they go on fishing tours together. (Fly-fishing as in casting, lakes, fishing camps, travelling, such.)
You may not believe me now, or in a month's or years time but one day hopefully you will get to where I am and realise that true happiness most definitely, 100% comes from inside.
Nothing external, no belongings or people will make you happy or 'complete'.
I know so many people who seemingly have everything, money, friends, family, perfect lifestyle, but deep down when all is quiet they are extremely unhappy.
I am 26, and I have often over the last few years had similar thought patterns to yourself, I've felt like I've wasted so much of my life and it was a void that could never be filled. That's utter crap.
The reality is that absolutely nothing else matters but this very moment. This very moment is all that exists. I have struggled for many years with anxiety and depression and missed out on many opportunities.
So much emotional pain and suffering and plenty of time spent thinking I could never have a happy life.
I have also never had 'friends' my sister is my friend and my partner. For me that's not really an issue seen as I am an introvert and too much socialising drains me.
I prefer time spent alone doing creative things or simply relaxing. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy the odd meal out or family occasion.
I never thought I would say this, but I wouldn't change a thing about the last 6 years of my life, although they have been enormously difficult and mainly filled with suffering, I feel that somehow I found myself, realised what truly matters in life, it made me who I am today!
Thinking too much about the future, or looking back with sadness, will only ever keep you stuck where you are. I still struggle with it, I catch myself doing it and stop myself.
Honestly if somebody would have told me even a year ago, how happy and content I would be today I would have never believed them ever. Nothing has changed except my mind and being at peace.
Like i say you won't be able to understand this as you're still in that terrible place, everyone's life is different but we all have the capability of happiness, it's inside us!
randomforeigner
12-11-16, 20:18
I still feel I've lost my big chance for everything I want and more, like 99.9% seem to have. Even if I try my best, I won't get it all.
Nobody "get's it all", that's an illusion. What is it that you would want to achieve, that you now think you've missed? If you post a list, you might get some good suggestions on what to do about it, what is highly achievable, and what opportunities are actually gone (like you can never of course become an internationally famous male ballet dancer if you were to start now).
Yes, Happy Birthday Phuzella and how right you are! I'm also an old crock and well past my sell-by date but hopefully have a few more years before I'm dragged off to the knackers yard..Life is what we make of it
P.S I know Manchester well :)
North or south Manchester?
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 20:23
How old are you now? Obviously over 25... ?
Meanwhile you could look out for John T Cacioppo's books, they're rather insightful. Or watch him on YouTube. Pretty uplifting. Although no blanket cheque on what to do, there are some pretty good ideas in there.
Do you do fly fishing? I've heard it's a guy thing where people actually do meet with friends, they get together and bind flies and bond, or so I've understood it anyway. Then they go on fishing tours together. (Fly-fishing as in casting, lakes, fishing camps, travelling, such.)
I am 27. I'm aware of him, but he didn't do anything for me.
And fly fishing doesn't seem appealing to me. Fishing in general seems a bit dull. But each to their own and all that.
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 20:35
You may not believe me now, or in a month's or years time but one day hopefully you will get to where I am and realise that true happiness most definitely, 100% comes from inside.
Nothing external, no belongings or people will make you happy or 'complete'.
I know so many people who seemingly have everything, money, friends, family, perfect lifestyle, but deep down when all is quiet they are extremely unhappy.
I am 26, and I have often over the last few years had similar thought patterns to yourself, I've felt like I've wasted so much of my life and it was a void that could never be filled. That's utter crap.
The reality is that absolutely nothing else matters but this very moment. This very moment is all that exists. I have struggled for many years with anxiety and depression and missed out on many opportunities.
So much emotional pain and suffering and plenty of time spent thinking I could never have a happy life.
I have also never had 'friends' my sister is my friend and my partner. For me that's not really an issue seen as I am an introvert and too much socialising drains me.
I prefer time spent alone doing creative things or simply relaxing. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy the odd meal out or family occasion.
I never thought I would say this, but I wouldn't change a thing about the last 6 years of my life, although they have been enormously difficult and mainly filled with suffering, I feel that somehow I found myself, realised what truly matters in life, it made me who I am today!
Thinking too much about the future, or looking back with sadness, will only ever keep you stuck where you are. I still struggle with it, I catch myself doing it and stop myself.
Honestly if somebody would have told me even a year ago, how happy and content I would be today I would have never believed them ever. Nothing has changed except my mind and being at peace.
Like i say you won't be able to understand this as you're still in that terrible place, everyone's life is different but we all have the capability of happiness, it's inside us!
I'd like to believe you, but I need friends and belongings to be content, or at least I'd like them so I can work out if I need them or not. Although I've got some belongings, I'd trade them for friends. I consider myself to be introverted too, but as I'm sure you know, it doesn't automatically mean you're not social. I am, but I want meaningful connections rather than connections for the sake of it.
I'll be stuck anyway, I'll be starting from zero, I'm not lucky to even have a partner, not that I feel even slightly ready for a relationship anyway. I'm too neurotic for starters. I have positive qualities too, but it's difficult to focus on them.
I'm pleased you're happy with your life right now, and hopefully I'll look back at this and feel the same.
And to answer your second post, I'm in South Manchester. West Didsbury.
I'd like to believe you, but I need friends and belongings to be content, or at least I'd like them so I can work out if I need them or not. Although I've got some belongings, I'd trade them for friends. I consider myself to be introverted too, but as I'm sure you know, it doesn't automatically mean you're not social. I am, but I want meaningful connections rather than connections for the sake of it.
I'll be stuck anyway, I'll be starting from zero, I'm not lucky to even have a partner, not that I feel even slightly ready for a relationship anyway. I'm too neurotic for starters. I have positive qualities too, but it's difficult to focus on them.
I'm pleased you're happy with your life right now, and hopefully I'll look back at this and feel the same.
And to answer your second post, I'm in South Manchester. West Didsbury.
Yes I understand what you say completely. And trust me I'm not preaching because I still suffer from anxiety, plus I know how difficult depression is. I just want you to hear that there is hope.
I hope you don't mind but your Instagram page is in your profile, I checked it out and I too am into photography! I also love to read. You seem like a great guy with a lot going for you.
Although you are a bit of a beer lover, I can't stand it :roflmao:
I really think things will work out for you, but I completely understand and can relate to how you feel right now!
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 20:50
Nobody "get's it all", that's an illusion. What is it that you would want to achieve, that you now think you've missed? If you post a list, you might get some good suggestions on what to do about it, what is highly achievable, and what opportunities are actually gone (like you can never of course become an internationally famous male ballet dancer if you were to start now).
Maybe, but everyone else tends to get more than me, at least there's an element of truth to that.
Nothing fun is achievable now. I'm starting from zero. I've not got time to set goals.
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Yes I understand what you say completely. And trust me I'm not preaching because I still suffer from anxiety, plus I know how difficult depression is. I just want you to hear that there is hope.
I hope you don't mind but your Instagram page is in your profile, I checked it out and I too am into photography! I also love to read. You seem like a great guy with a lot going for you.
Although you are a bit of a beer lover, I can't stand it :roflmao:
I really think things will work out for you, but I completely understand and can relate to how you feel right now!
Oh, I don't believe you were preaching, you can comment from experience, I appreciated the candour and the empathy.
Your compliment is appreciated, thank you. I just wish I believed I have things going for me, my instagram probably makes my life seem better than it really is.
And yes, I do love my beer, I won't deny it. :) I'm trying to drink as many new ones as I can until the year is out. Even when it is, I'll probably do the same.
Maybe, but everyone else tends to get more than me, at least there's an element of truth to that.
Nothing fun is achievable now. I'm starting from zero. I've not got time to set goals.
---------- Post added at 20:50 ---------- Previous post was at 20:41 ----------
Oh, I don't believe you were preaching, you can comment from experience, I appreciated the candour and the empathy.
Your compliment is appreciated, thank you. I just wish I believed I have things going for me, my instagram probably makes my life seem better than it really is.
And yes, I do love my beer, I won't deny it. :) I'm trying to drink as many new ones as I can until the year is out. Even when it is, I'll probably do the same.
Yes Instagram is great for that!
Heck that's a lot of beer, what's your favourite then?
mrjonesmcr
12-11-16, 21:25
Yes Instagram is great for that!
Heck that's a lot of beer, what's your favourite then?
I know. The only thing is in my case, it's very accurate. It's more exaggerated rather than an inaccurate portrayal with other people I imagine.
And Brooklyn Lager is my favourite. :)
Hi mrJones just seen this thread m8 hech thats no way to be but 100% relate to that boy does it hurt and never gets any easier why on earth didnt you Pm but glad you have posted about it though i feel like that right now too so pm if you want a chat ok :)
Loneliness has officially got the better of me. I have no friends now and probably won't ever. Not truly as the best friendships are made in your youth, it's a known fact of life.
The best years (18-25) are over. No matter what I'm coming from behind, and I won't be caught up, so it's futile to try and make new friends. That's what is killing me the most, not being able to go back in life and make up the lost years everyone else was able to have. I'll be always be inferior in comparison to everybody else.
BIG HUG
I didnt start developing a good social life till age 35 & Im a woman too ..men as they get older are seen as attractive. I have a physical disability (I dotn have health anxiety) that meant I was stuck in bed from age 21-28. I started dating at 29 from my house as I was housebound. By 30 I was going out daily in an electric wheelchair as the council had built a ramp in my door. I am now 41 & the closest deepest friendship I ever formed was when I was age 39.
The nature of anxiety is pessimism & doom. I found my way out of social anxiety through Buddhism mainly. It teaches a lot of psychology so then I understood myself & other people...it gave me masses of confidence as I had the edge - I understood emotions & thoughts better than they did. Hope all this helps
It changes you total perception on life, you cant make plans like other people oh lets go on holiday or lets go to the pub which normal people take for granted and it sucks I cant even watch ads on Tv where people are having a good time I have to look away as it makes me sick :) Ae you that bad yet mrjones?? I doubt it very much but I may be wrong!
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So right now both me and mrJones well i know i do want a HUG please :)
randomforeigner
13-11-16, 04:41
I also liked "The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-time", the book (you've posted the title on your Instagram). Have you read "Black Swan" and "Fooled by randomness" by Nicholas Nassim Taleb? In one of those books, Taleb speaks about the randomness in life and that you must be selective with what or how you compare your achievements...
Anyway, I'm wondering a little bit why you're starting off from zero again, and what fun it was that you wanted to do, to have done, but feel you can't do now?
You need to start by being your own best friend. Because thats the only person you can rely on.
And ive no idea what you mean by "dont have time for goals."
You are getting in your own way.
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---------- Post added at 10:51 ---------- Previous post was at 10:46 ----------
[/COLOR]MrJones Also seen you Instagram profile and you have a lot of great pics including old archetecture (some words are very bad for me to spell) Old radios both I enjoy And have a old portable radio at home powered by a 90V battery :) And a old PYE single channel tv set too I also saw on a fortune cookie paper
'You are heading for a land of sunshine, you will have always good luck in your personal affairs' How cool is that so try and start believing it :)
mrjonesmcr
13-11-16, 13:25
BIG HUG
I didnt start developing a good social life till age 35 & Im a woman too ..men as they get older are seen as attractive. I have a physical disability (I dotn have health anxiety) that meant I was stuck in bed from age 21-28. I started dating at 29 from my house as I was housebound. By 30 I was going out daily in an electric wheelchair as the council had built a ramp in my door. I am now 41 & the closest deepest friendship I ever formed was when I was age 39.
The nature of anxiety is pessimism & doom. I found my way out of social anxiety through Buddhism mainly. It teaches a lot of psychology so then I understood myself & other people...it gave me masses of confidence as I had the edge - I understood emotions & thoughts better than they did. Hope all this helps
I've tried to understand and embrace the buddhist mentality, especially as a lot of it makes sense, mainly the above reasons, understanding emotions and thoughts better than others. Hopefully I'll manage it one day. I still have various books on it.
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---------- Post added at 10:46 ---------- Previous post was at 10:22 ----------
---------- Post added at 10:51 ---------- Previous post was at 10:46 ----------
[/COLOR]MrJones Also seen you Instagram profile and you have a lot of great pics including old archetecture (some words are very bad for me to spell) Old radios both I enjoy And have a old portable radio at home powered by a 90V battery :) And a old PYE single channel tv set too I also saw on a fortune cookie paper
'You are heading for a land of sunshine, you will have always good luck in your personal affairs' How cool is that so try and start believing it :)
Thanks, you're very kind.
That fortune cookie was a curse, that was back in January (I think), I'm still massively far from that land of sunshine. :(
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I also liked "The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night-time", the book (you've posted the title on your Instagram). Have you read "Black Swan" and "Fooled by randomness" by Nicholas Nassim Taleb? In one of those books, Taleb speaks about the randomness in life and that you must be selective with what or how you compare your achievements...
Anyway, I'm wondering a little bit why you're starting off from zero again, and what fun it was that you wanted to do, to have done, but feel you can't do now?
Ah yes, that was on my goodreads. My boss at my voluntary work insisted I read it, I've not made much progress yet, I've only read 30 pages but I hope to finish it this week. I've not read either of those books, nor heard of them, I'll look out for them.
I guess I think I've missed the freedom, the spontaneous, the opportunities to meet many people and socialise regularly, as another poster alluded to them, after a while, people have responsibilities and have moved onto the next stage of life.
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You need to start by being your own best friend. Because thats the only person you can rely on.
And ive no idea what you mean by "dont have time for goals."
You are getting in your own way.
I accept the "don't have time for goals" was a little vague. I meant more I've not got the patience for baby steps, setting goals suggests that to me, rightly or wrongly.
As I've said, I feel left behind and I'll never quite be caught up to everyone else. Or even come close.
I don't think well I know youren't the only one thinking like that!! I too feel the land of Sunshine is many miles away and still no closer. That's the trouble perosnaly i know what i want out of life but can I get any where near Nope I have tried and tried so where are us folks going worng?? Hey If I knew the answer then it would be sorted. As for the paper wit that verse on it have you got rid of it especaily as you think it's a curse?? Any way keep your head above the water m8 we are All here for and that's a fact :)
Carrie8484
13-11-16, 14:14
If i'm ever in the Manchester i'd be happy to meet up for a brew or a beer.
I know how it feels to be lonely as i've said before, and i'm often lonely now, but since I got together with my boyfriend things have been better.
I dont have a 'best friend'. I'd love a really good, close friend, but I'm resigned to the fact it wont happen now. It doesn't get me down any more, i just try and be grateful for what I do have I guess.
I'm more relaxed about it now i'm older.
The increased fear of missing out is one of those things i'd put down to social media mostly. I know you are a fan of instagram and your pics are great, but I imagine sometimes it can make you feel worse. I hate checking Facebook and seeing people 'having fun' all the time when i'm at home. But then I remind myself that a lot of the time, I dont want to go out anyway, or when you dig deeper, they aren't having the amazing lives you think they are.
I also agree with what a lot of the others have said about enjoying your own company first and learning to love yourself (sorry if this sounds corny to you). You seem like a great guy and fun to be around, you need to stop giving yourself a hard time. Relax a little bit, keep doing all the things you enjoy.
Believe it or not, not everyone has a solid group of friends they've known since school. A lot drift apart as they have different paths in life and have different interests. A lot of people get fed up of being let down/disappointed and go in search of new friends. It's not too late.
Are there any anxiety groups close by that you could go to? You'd be surprised at the types and varieties of people that go to them. or do some more volunteering? Maybe at cats protection or a homeless charity?
Hope you have a better day today x
You make some good points Carrie :) But feel exaclty the same as MrJones and you end up blaming your self I know I do Even at school I was a loner So fully understand MrJone's hurt and pain it's no life is it really??
Worried Pete
15-11-16, 16:52
I'm 50 next year and worried about a whole load of things, being 50, between jobs just now, recent gambling loss, house, health, no gf, no success to what I really hoped for. But I'm trying to think about the positives. I could be in a much worse state. Saw an office colleague die of a brain tumour in front of me three years ago. Imagine that. I was almost run over by a car in 2014 that would have put me in a wheel chair, one more step and I was toast. I try to think of that when low like right now. I do wish I could lose the health anxiety and fear but it's a legacy I'm stuck with now. Friends, lost most of them over the years, mostly due to my anxiety but also when my long term gf left me I just drifted inwards. I'm not sure I'll ever have another gf now. But I'll keep going. Worry about my old mum, she's in good shape but you never know do you. I often wish I could be 10 or 12 again. No real worries.
Loneliness has officially got the better of me. I have no friends now and probably won't ever. Not truly as the best friendships are made in your youth, it's a known fact of life.
The best years (18-25) are over. No matter what I'm coming from behind, and I won't be caught up, so it's futile to try and make new friends. That's what is killing me the most, not being able to go back in life and make up the lost years everyone else was able to have. I'll be always be inferior in comparison to everybody else.
As others have said, you can't put an age limit on starting new things or making friends. I am not in touch with any of my childhood friends. However, my friends I do have now I didn't meet until in my 40s. It's all relative, if you plan to fail, then you will almost definitely, fail. Get out to see concerts, gigs, movies.
Maybe make a plan for next year, to do something you really enjoy/enjoyed. Next year is coming anyway, so you can either make plans to make it good or sit the time out and let it pass you by and end up with the same feelings you have now a year from now?
randomforeigner
15-11-16, 19:40
I'm 50 next year and ... one more step and I was toast. ...
You haven't thought about it in the way that there is maybe something important you're about to achieve and that's why you "made it" and didn't end up "as toast"?
Anyway, what are your plans for your upcoming birthday? You may just as well realize you're going to fret about it for at least six months prior. It is dreadful to think about it in advance, and nice when the day is over and done with. If it's in winter, you could always fly to Lapland and visit Santa Claus. It looks so nice in the films they make about English people flying up to Lapland. Not the same thing when you're here already and skidding around on slippery icy sidewalks in our capital, like Bambi on ice, just the other week. Someone's video clip here, I like it when he at 16:06 says "Another loser... he left his car ... speaking about losers haha... what the h*** am I doing here !? haha ... " https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZ9fAY0KX4o
As I've said, I feel left behind and I'll never quite be caught up to everyone else. Or even come close.
Why is that important?
Life isn't a race. Who gives a f**k where you are in relation to other people.
These are constraints you are imposing on yourself.
Make your own rules for life and live by them. Live it how you want.
If you want friends or relationships go out and make them. If you don't, then enjoy that too.
But FFS enjoy life while its happening!!! Its going past right now!
randomforeigner
16-11-16, 05:05
I'm 50 next year and.... At least you're not 52 like me... :D
I'm sorry about your girlfriend though, that must be tough. What health issues do you struggle with right now? You're top priority must be the job issue of course. If you're in administration surely there will be loads of jobs working out that Brexit issue. I read on "the Guaridan" only today, about a "leaked memo", where the article headline says "Leaked Brexit memo: Whitehall struggling to cope and no single plan" and then it says "may need to hire an extra 30,000 civil servants to deal with the additional work" (although the existence of the memo is in doubt, see article) so there you might find a hidden blessing in disguise - for you that is, perhaps not for others - at least if you're a "lowly" administrator you could well end up among those 30,000 new hires.... and perhaps take up a temp job in the meantime...
mrjonesmcr
16-11-16, 16:07
If i'm ever in the Manchester i'd be happy to meet up for a brew or a beer.
I know how it feels to be lonely as i've said before, and i'm often lonely now, but since I got together with my boyfriend things have been better.
I dont have a 'best friend'. I'd love a really good, close friend, but I'm resigned to the fact it wont happen now. It doesn't get me down any more, i just try and be grateful for what I do have I guess.
I'm more relaxed about it now i'm older.
The increased fear of missing out is one of those things i'd put down to social media mostly. I know you are a fan of instagram and your pics are great, but I imagine sometimes it can make you feel worse. I hate checking Facebook and seeing people 'having fun' all the time when i'm at home. But then I remind myself that a lot of the time, I dont want to go out anyway, or when you dig deeper, they aren't having the amazing lives you think they are.
I also agree with what a lot of the others have said about enjoying your own company first and learning to love yourself (sorry if this sounds corny to you). You seem like a great guy and fun to be around, you need to stop giving yourself a hard time. Relax a little bit, keep doing all the things you enjoy.
Believe it or not, not everyone has a solid group of friends they've known since school. A lot drift apart as they have different paths in life and have different interests. A lot of people get fed up of being let down/disappointed and go in search of new friends. It's not too late.
Are there any anxiety groups close by that you could go to? You'd be surprised at the types and varieties of people that go to them. or do some more volunteering? Maybe at cats protection or a homeless charity?
Hope you have a better day today x
Thanks Carrie, I'd like that.
I'd love nothing more than a close friend, the best friend route has probably gone and that's something I can accept, I've never felt the need to have a 'best' friend but a close friend is something I've love as I've never been lucky to have one, but I fear that's gone too, I could make an acquaintance but be stuck at that level forever.
I can also accept that not everyone has a solid group of friends they've known since school, but they have a solid group nonetheless from university, work etc. I can also accept not everyone has this perfect, utopia like life but I still look at them and feel envious. I tried a social media blackout for a couple of weeks ago quite recently, it didn't help in the slightest. I've tried not 'caring' and 'enjoying' my own company too, but it kept coming to the need to have conversation, kinship with people. If I'd had this in earlier years, I could probably have more fun on my own, I'd be more relaxed about my situation.
I'm looking into more voluntary work, yes. Although it may become my only voluntary work, I'm considering my future at the charity shop for unrelated reasons. I'm sure there are anxiety/depression groups, in fact there is one close to me, I'm trying to pluck the courage to go. And I'm starting a course next week, my enthusiasm for it isn't particularly high though. x
---------- Post added at 15:58 ---------- Previous post was at 15:51 ----------
As others have said, you can't put an age limit on starting new things or making friends. I am not in touch with any of my childhood friends. However, my friends I do have now I didn't meet until in my 40s. It's all relative, if you plan to fail, then you will almost definitely, fail. Get out to see concerts, gigs, movies.
Maybe make a plan for next year, to do something you really enjoy/enjoyed. Next year is coming anyway, so you can either make plans to make it good or sit the time out and let it pass you by and end up with the same feelings you have now a year from now?
Well, so they say, but I'm unconvinced, they might not be incorrect, it just sounds like something that is easy to say with hindsight and being older.
I plan to succeed, despite what I've said, I still have this desire to keep going, I'm either naive or a masochist. However, when you've failed so often, it's only natural you lose confidence and hope, which has happened big time. Especially when others appear to succeed with little to no effort. I've worked so hard in the past to make friends, to put myself 'out there'. In the past, I could dust myself off and go on again with minimal to no lost confidence.
---------- Post added at 16:07 ---------- Previous post was at 15:58 ----------
Why is that important?
Life isn't a race. Who gives a f**k where you are in relation to other people.
These are constraints you are imposing on yourself.
Make your own rules for life and live by them. Live it how you want.
If you want friends or relationships go out and make them. If you don't, then enjoy that too.
But FFS enjoy life while its happening!!! Its going past right now!
I do, maybe it's stupid, but I care a lot. Life isn't a race, I will accept that, but most people at this stage have something going for them, even if it's something so small, it's hard to find that one thing in my case. When I thought I was (mostly) free of anxiety and could move forward with my life, depression knocked me for six, it's hard not to feel left behind because of it.
I want nothing more than friends, I don't want a relationship particularly, but I could probably get that rather than a group of friends, but my heart wouldn't be in it, friends is the void I need more. But it would be naive to think it's so easy making friends as people say it is, especially if you're naturally introverted and want a true connection rather than just befriending and enjoying the company of any person.
randomforeigner
16-11-16, 17:56
... I hate checking Facebook and seeing people 'having fun' all the time when i'm at home. But then I remind myself...
Me too, it ended up with me disconnecting everybody (partially because I don't want to do Messenger and thus couldn't reply if people wrote, which they didn't, but anyway). Now I only subscribe to a number of feeds with inspirational messages, some groups where people post photos of sites, photos of dogs, photos of people showing what they have handicraft-ed and discussing various methods for it (sewing, knitting, crocheting problems etc.) Anyway, the search function in FB is a bit tricky, it's not easy to get good suggestions out of that piece of software. It often suggests that one should "know" people I have no idea who they are, or join clubs on subjects I'm not at all interested in. But once you find one (1) club that is OK, the search algorithm works to suggest more of the same on the right panel.
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