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lonely427
14-11-16, 21:06
I'm 45 and have been married to my spouse for 3 years. We have known each other for 8 years. My husband has anxiety, social anxiety and panic attacks. I knew this when we were dating, but he tried to be more outgoing for me and my two kids. Now that we are married and dealing with every day life, I get lonely.

I understand more and more what he is going through and he helps out with the kids, but mostly it is me getting them to where they need to go. If their schedules overlap, I am looking for friends or my parents to help before I ask him. He loves my kids and will help out after having a moment of panic, but I hate to ask and send him into a panic attack.

I am a fixer and always want him to be happy and comfortable. I am lonely. I make sure his needs are met, but what about mine? I'm tired of crying myself to sleep or feeling all alone. Physical touch, going out, meeting people has to be on his terms. I just need a hug sometime but am afraid to ask, for it might set him off. I have friends, but can't have them over in large groups. He has very few friends and I know it is hard for him to make new ones.

I am wanting counseling for myself. I'm not sure how he would take it.

Just don't know where to start.

venusbluejeans
14-11-16, 21:12
Hiya lonely427 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

Mikiuslorenzo
14-11-16, 21:41
Hi Lonely421,

I've always felt that there is never enough help for partners of sufferers so I feel for you I really do.

I myself have in the past suffered terribly with anxiety but over time I managed to recover. I can do most things these days without giving it a second thought. It is possible to regain your life as I am living proof but it does take a lot of work.

Can I ask you how much you know about panic and anxiety and the methods of recovery? It may sound odd but being as familiar as you can particularly with recovery methods will help you and your spouse. Being able to work together is so helpful for both of you. It may be that your spouse is lost for a way forward too.

The articles section on the home page of this site is very informative. Please take a look when you have a moment. If I can personally be of any help then feel free to message me privately, I'm no therapist but I understand what it's like for both you and your spouse. I'm a similar age too :D

No pressure of course but the offer is there.
Best regards.

Dasani95
14-11-16, 23:49
I definitely could see that being tough. I'm sorry that you're struggling.

As an anxiety-struggler like your husband, I have found ways to cope that makes it easier to participate and be willing to do stuff. Part of it is learning to relax. I'm far from perfect but I have progressed over the last 2 months or so. Additionally, is he taking medication for it? That might help. Also, there are great therapists out there who can treat social anxiety... it might be worth suggesting some of these things to him.

dale12345
15-11-16, 00:02
So sorry you feeling alone, I really hope it gets better.