Feeing like a failure at life

[blackstar11]

Anxiety is ruining me. I recently turned 26 and still live with my parents. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety back in March, but I believe I have had anxiety most of my life. It had got to the point it ruined my relationship, because I have never had a job and am afraid of driving in traffic, he felt I was not willing to help support a life together not really understanding that that wasn’t the case and that it was actually anxiety causing my lack of ambition. I have tried therapy, and a couple of medications. The medicine didn’t do anything but give me a spurt of energy that diminished after a few weeks. My therapist was nice but he didn’t really have anything new to say. He was always repetitive, telling me goals I should follow, which I can do on my own so it felt like a waste of everyone’s time. Maybe he just wasn’t the right therapist, but it made me feel like therapy wasn’t for me. I have been trying to get my license, but the only person I have around to teach me is my father and he gets too anxious to let me drive. I get nervous that I won’t trust myself enough to be aware of all my surroundings or make a quick enough decision while driving. I want to take driving lessons but the only available place I have near me does not provide a vehicle and I do not have a reliable enough vehicle available to me. My parents don’t have much money and I cannot work unless I drive where I live. Recently turning 26, I am starting to feel very depressed about my life. I dropped out of high school (although I did eventually complete it from home), and I shut out my closest friends out of embarrassment a long time ago. I miss feeling like I actually am living. Not just being alive. Is there anything I can do to further my future, any programs that can help online in the US? Any advice on what I can do would be so grateful. Thank you.

[randomforeigner]

In other countries people get along without being able to drive at all (including an American I once knew). Maybe you should think more about ways you may move away and where you could work without being able to drive? A lot of people here take their driving licenses at 30+, but I understand that in the US driving is essential, no other options to move around without a car. Think more about you dream job, what would it be?

[SLA]

Hi Blackstar,

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time right now.

There is something about the age 26. That was an age I really struggled with life too.

Based on what you have said, I think rather than face your anxieties and managing them, you have closed yourself off from them, and as such feel like you have become trapped?

One thing I always try and do is not let my anxiety build walls around me. Because you miss lots of great moments in life when you limiting yourself.

Rather than reducing our comfort zone, we need to regularly be expanding it. This doesn't have to be big or scary. It can be small simple things.
Visiting a new place.
Talking to someone you don't know.
Trying a new hobby.


Would it be fair to say you lack confidence?

One thing I have learnt very recently, like 4 weeks ago, is that confidence is knowledge put into action.

What do I mean by that?

You don't have to BE confident or fake it. You just need to get a lot of knowledge on the area you want to be confident in.

So driving for example. How can you kickstart your confidence so you feel comfortable learning to drive?

I would suggest:
Reading the rules of the road. In the U.K its called The Highway Code, but in the US I think its called General Road Rules. Learn all of the rules, so you know exactly what is expected of you, and how to act.
Study the basics of how a car works. Get familiar with what it actually is and does. How do the brakes work?
Watch videos of people learning to drive. Put yourself in their position, and get a feel for what it takes to drive.
Observe others driving while you are with them. Watch what they do, and how they look. Can you spot anything they are doing wrong?

You don't have to act confident to be confident. Confidence is knowledge in a subject, and you have complete control over that. If you got some confidence in the subject, I bet your Dad would be wiling to take you out for a quick practise.


What area of your life would you improve first if you could snap your fingers and fix it in a second?

[mezzaninedoor]

Great advice SLA. Sometimes hard to follow, but great advice

[blackstar11]

Thank you. Trapped is exactly how I feel. If I could snap my fingers and change one thing would be to already have my driver's license, because it would open up so many things in my life. I have been saying that for awhile, I wish I could just snap my fingers and have it over with. I have driven some, just not enough to feel comfortable I guess. My therapist did tell me I need to work on my confidence as well. I suppose I need to trust myself more.

[DarkKnightKodiak]

Blackstar,

I feel your pain. The feels at 26 are tough. I just turned 26.

What I try to do every day is to get out and just walk for a bit. It is nice to be able to breathe in the fresh air and just experience nature.

I have spent quite a few times indoors too afraid to go outside. Every small thing we can do, even if that small thing is as simple as walk out the door is a victory.