Old Habits Die Hard

[ksmith]

Didn't really know where to put this but spose this section will do. Well after nearly 6 months of feeling better I am gradually starting to fall back into my old bad ways. I gave up smoking, caffeine, alcohol, late nights, crap food etc and it seemed to work (along with the meds of course). Here comes the but.....

Because I have felt better I think I have fallen into the trap of thinking I can go back to my old ways. For example, sneaking fags here and there, going out and staying out very late, drinking and eating all the old crap stuff I used to live on. Sadly, I've noticed some of the old symptoms coming back, eg., can't breathe properly, shakey, nervous etc. Does this mean then that we can never ever go back to how we were? Are we condemned to a life of abstinence and early nights?? It seems to me that I have to live my life in a all or nothing way and it looks like in order to avoid anxiety I will have to maintain my health freak lifestyle!!! (for an old punk like me it goes against the grain!).

Anyone got any advice?? Can we go back to our old ways or are we changed forever by this bloody cursed anx? I don't know who I am anymore.

Kay x

[vernon]

Hi K long time no speak, Well about 3 years ago I did the same gave up drink 100% after a life of heavy drinking, Stopped drinking caffeine, Ate a little breakfast which I had never done, And to be honest it didn’t make a big difference, well, I didn’t notice anyway.. I had been registered blind for the past 10 years with macular degeneration then a growth and a cataract came which made my site just about total blind, even if the anxiety allowed I could do much or go anywhere as I couldn’t even cross the road, Anyway my surgeon wanted to do surgery to remove the cataract and the growth, but they said the chances of seeing anything where slim. I really wanted this surgery but was so scared and convinced I would die of fright with surgery I put it off over and over for years. In the end I went (god knows how I got there lol) But the next day when they removed the dressing I seen the time on my watch for the first time in years, My site still isn’t anywhere near normal but I can now see to do jobs round the house, watch TV, do my garden and go to local shops. When I realised I could see again it was better than winning the lottery, it lifted the anxiety 100% and I kept busy all the time. I suppose I realised make use of what we have because it could go anytime? Any way I now drink loads of coffee and tea and don’t bother eating in the morning like I never have liked doing. I also go to my local pub twice a week for a chat and joke with some friends, So what I am trying to say is even when I stopped affine, drink and bad eating it still stayed with me it’s the lift of blindness that seemed to make me feel better. Look at all the drinkers, smoker’s bad eaters around us without any anxieties. I think it’s just the people we are and I think the only recovery is positive thinking as it’s nearly all made up in our minds. Take care k, Hope you feel better soon. Vernon

[groovygranny]

Hi there Kay!

It's 12 months since I began to feel and get better, and yet quite recently I've been thinking the same! I'm sorry you're suffering at the mo but I'm glad I'm not alone if you see what I mean :blush:!

GG is a worshiper of chocolate and red wine, and I notice if I over indulge in either (usually they're consumed together!) then I start to feel the old familiar symptoms.

I feel as though I've been changed, but have to believe that the positive changes outway the negatives. Sometimes I can crack it, sometimes I can't.
Think we have to learn that accepting a change isn't necessarily giving in to the old ways, but we have to find a way to enjoy the things we have always enjoyed but in moderation now. (I'm still a party animal !)

I said to a friend the other day ( after a particularly horrid time ) that I felt as though I was a butterfly emerging from it's chrysalis. My wings are damp and still vulnerable - but I'm determined I'm gonna fly !!

And we can do it you know..... just gotta be patient and wait for our wings to dry first!! And support each other along the way:flowers:.

[ksmith]

Vern! How are you lovely boy? Thanks for your reply, and I think you're sooo brave for having the surgery. But, coz I think I'm an all or nothing person, I can't just have a few fags, a few drinks and a few junk food dinners, I'm either or for some dang reason! I just have to accept that things have changed and be all good and healthy. In my life there's no such thing as 'just a quick half' or 'just one bar or chocolate' etc.

My husband says it's time I grew up and just accepted that we all change (a bit harsh eh!) Oooh, to be a moderate would be soooo nice!

Kay x

[ksmith]

Thanks for your reply GG

I'm sooo glad there's someone on the site who is experiencing the same (sorry, that sounds selfish but you know what I mean). What a lovely way of looking at it, becoming a butterfly. I think I'm still at the ugly old moth stage though lol. I think it's coz I feel I was forced to change by my anx that makes me resentful, it wasn't a change I would have made otherwise. The anarchist in me is so resentful of being a 'good person' who takes vitamins and has early nights etc. I loved being naughty!!

Perhaps my husband is right, that I should grow up and accept that I'm not bloody 25 anymore and embrace the changes the anx has brought about (like it sounds you have).

Kay x

[groovygranny]

Don't you dare 'grow up' Kay! :shades:

What I mean is, yes we've got to face life as it is at whatever age we are, but we can still retain that youthful spirit. GG's still 17yrs old in some areas of her brain !! (yes, I know it's b****y obvious!)

It was comforting for me to read your post (if you know what I mean!) cos things have been getting to me lately too..............

It's gonna be great being butterflies Kay - just think of all the places we could fly too..........hmmm, that is if I can get over this impending flight next Monday!!

Er.....can I take a rain check?:wacko:!!!

:flowers: